Nevin Platt Middle School
NOTHING BECAUSE PLATT SUCKS AT EDUCATING, 2014 - present
666 Pack Street
The Underworld, SOS 6666
April 26, 1923
Dear Mr. Brandin (Mrs.Brandin’s husband,)
It has come to my attention that your wife has signed her poor, sweet, sweet soul to the satanic cult known by the pack promise. I am sorry to inform you that your wife, Ms. Brandin, has being forced to go to war against the cthulhu cult (A.K.A. Douglass Elementary.) I am sorry for your loss, And out of empathy I will be your wife. Thank you.
The wedding will be placed on the beaches of bermuda, We will meet in the airport, make eye contact, and we will know, we will know that we are in love. I say “Mrs. Brandin’s Husband, will you be my husband!’ You will fwoosh your hair and say”I will be more than your husband, I will be your SOULMATE!!” Than for the rest of our life we will live in trees, eat bark, and always love each other. I will put our wedding info below.
11:00 Family and Friends will come into our tree.
11:15 You will leave to commence the last thing you can do before you marry again, eat.
12:00 You and me will dress in the ceremonial robe, covered in cake we cannot eat.
12:30 We will sacrifice the goat.
12:45 We do are daily banana diet that we got from an email
1:00 You speak your speech
1:10 I speak my speech
1:11 You wink at me
1:11.30 I do a giggle
1:12 You say I do
5:50 I say I do
10:00 We smother a strawberry on a baby
12:00 We live a happy life of sniffing wigs (For our company called Sniff The Wig), Force feed our future children strawberries, and always, always, always do our daily sacrifice of the goat, (to support the homeless of course.)
12:01 I Love You
Mr. Brandin I hope you understand the certainty of this situation, and I hope we could morph into one, never, ever, to be ripped apart. Mr. Brandin, I love you and I know you have a wife, I know, I know. But Mr. Brandin or shall I say [Insert first name here], Your wife is not Ms. Brandin anymore, she was bitten by the platt cult. I will never commit to the Platt Promise. I will never leave you, I will be there for you. Mr. Brandin I know your name is important to you, but I hope in a month's time, you could be not Mr. Brandin, But Mr. Pixley. Thank you.
P.S. I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE MY BAI!!!!!!!