Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Humphrey,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Humphrey, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH** *NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!**'
15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?*
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.
Just watched this report on the local news. It looked like they were using a Purell pump with a physical switch. Why don't they splurge and get a electronic sensor pump?
Dallas, TX, April 9, 2012 – RC has been a long standing and valuable member of our Enterprise Group where he did an outstanding job for both Securadyne and our customers. We appreciate all of the hard work RC has put in over the years. He will be a GREAT addition to the OKC staff. Congratulations RC!
- Brian Bergstrom, General Manager
System Design Engineers
Electrical, Data and IT Professionals are encouraged to apply.
Professional, well-qualified candidates should submit their resumes with salary history to: JOBS@securenetinc.com
Let me take a look around hmm, pretty nice. I think I will stretch my legs out a bit and get comfortable. SecureNet is delighted to be here. Please feel free to learn about our company, visit our website, or just drop in and say "hi." If you have any security questions that need immediate answers, you came to the right place.
SecureNet, Inc. is part of Securadyne Systems, LLC, a privately-owned and operated security solutions provider headquartered in Dallas, TX. SecureNet has branch offices throughout Texas and Oklahoma, and is capable of servicing customers large and small in a variety of market segments throughout the US.
SecureNet provides a wide breadth of services ranging from initial needs analysis to systems design, engineering, installation, commissioning and long-term service and maintenance. The company focuses on enterprise-class applications and is an industry leader in deploying complex IP-based security solutions. SecureNet is a Microsoft® Certified Partner and holds numerous IT and security industry-specific certifications that enable us to effectively deliver the most complex integrated solutions available in the marketplace today.
Specialties: Physical access control, video surveillance and analytics, security voice applications, identity management solutions, alarm monitoring, asset protection, systems integration, command-and-control solutions, network infrastructure solutions, and emergency management solutions.