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Ainsley Drew
Works at Ainsley Drew Nelson
Attends New York College of Health Professions
Lives in Hicksville, New York
916 followers|36,538 views
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I want to hump everyone in this video.
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"3. Avoid one-trick ponies. One of the best-selling children's books of all time is Laura Numeroff's If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. The story is basically a set formula. If you give that mouse a cookie (Who gives a mouse a cookie? You know what you should give mice? GLUE TRAPS.), he'll do X, which make him do Y, which will cause him to do Z, which will make him want a cookie all over again. Very cute. But then Numeroff wrote a shitload more books, all of them deploying this exact same formula. There's If You Give a Cat a Cupcake, If You Give a Dog a Donut, If You Give a Pig a Pancake, and even - I shit you not - If You Give a Moose a Muffin. You think I can't see what you're doing, Numeroff? You think I can't see the creative rut you're in? Maurice Sendak was right to trash you. THE ANIMAL ALWAYS ENDS UP EATING TREATS."
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Holy crap, this is amazing.

Like, really, holy crap. Amazing.
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"Touch my erogenous zones with a javelin, what a match."
When I run my mouth about international soccer, I sound like a complete and total imbecile. When a Brit does the same thing about basketball, it is 100 percent comedy gold. Riffing on the American ten...
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"Whether or not you agree with an NFL team handing a potential $60 million in guarantees to a guy who has neck leprosy, I think that we can come to a consensus on one thing: John Elway has really big balls. HUGE balls. Balls the size of light bulbs. His balls are so big, you could harvest stem cells from them and plant them inside Peyton Manning's cervical vertebrae to facilitate the healing process."
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I GAVE UP MASTURBATION AND SEX FOR LENT AND IT'S ONLY HALFWAY OVER AND I NEED TO DUCT TAPE OVEN MITTS ON MY HANDS AND MAYBE NOT OPEN MY EYES AND EVERYTHING IS ALL CAPS ALL OF THE TIME NOW ESPECIALLY IN MY PANTS
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Panty-wringing over hot dads...
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Story
Tagline
Caution: Do Not Enter Without A Confined Space Permit
Introduction
Ainsley Drew can easily be stored in your overhead compartment, and can also be used as a flotation device in case of an emergency.
Education
  • New York College of Health Professions
    Massage Therapy, 2012 - present
  • Swedish Institute College of Health Sciences
    Clinical Massage, 2012 - 2012
Basic Information
Gender
Female
Work
Occupation
Yoga teacher, freelance writer, creator of imaginary things.
Employment
  • Ainsley Drew Nelson
    yoga teacher, writer, massage therapy student, tiny jerkface. Not a masseuse., present
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
Hicksville, New York
Previously
New York, New York - Burbank, California - Portland, Oregon - Norman, Oklahoma - Manhattan, New York - Park Slope, Brooklyn - Port Washington, New York
The night before Christmas Eve I lost a filling. I called every single dentist I could find in my area and - no surprise - none were open. A Friday night before Christmas weekend, I figured I'd be celebrating the holiday without a chunk of my bottom front tooth. I reached Antionette at the front desk of this office roughly 30 minutes before they were to close. I had never been to Port Washington Dental, had never spoken to Antionette, and still couldn't pick her out in a lineup. That said, she went out of her way to help a stranger, calling me back after fifteen minutes of scrambling to say that she and the dental team at Port Washington were willing to OPEN THE OFFICE ON THE MORNING OF CHRISTMAS EVE in order to help me. I am beyond humbled at the compassion of the staff and doctors at this practice, even though I am neither a regular patient nor from the area. Thank you, Port Washington Dental, for being willing to save Christmas for a stranger.
• • •
Public - 3 weeks ago
reviewed 3 weeks ago
Daquan and the team were very helpful in organizing moving from one unit to another. Good job, nice place, reasonable rates.
Public - 4 months ago
reviewed 4 months ago
Really kind young guy helped me out and changed my tire. Family run business, totally fair and personable. AAA affiliated, too, which is great.
Public - 2 years ago
reviewed 2 years ago
4 reviews
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This is the most adorable place I've ever stayed in! Between the kitchy-cute decor, the bucolic surroundings, and the best mattress I've ever slept on, I can't recommend it highly enough. Didn't know what to expect, but it surpassed my expectations. Eccentric and fun, in the best of ways.
Public - a year ago
reviewed a year ago