The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck!"
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working too," Says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that," Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.
"I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a paper from his bag and proceeds to read it. So,the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him
"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats ham sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvellous,"says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub, the barman says,
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job," Says the duck."Where is it?"
"At the circus," Says the barman.
"The circus?" Repeats the duck.
"That's right," Replies the barman.
"The circus?" The duck asks again. With the big tent?"
"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?"says the duck.
"Of course," the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . . . ..
"What the f.... would they want with a plasterer??!"
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the embankment in London. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have occupied the House of Commons, and they're asking for a £100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse all the MPs In petrol and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations." "How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks. The man replies, "Roughly a gallon".
Specialized Bicycle Components : CROSSROADS ARMADILLO
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