Profile

Cover photo
Peter G Millington-Wallace
Worked at I used to own a moped
Lives in Havndal, Denmark
1,766 followers|754,607 views
AboutPostsPhotos

Stream

 
i've just been looking at some old stuff, and I found this story I wrote ages ago. Hope you learn something from it


Hello children. 

Once, twice or maybe three times (four at most) upon a time, a worm was wriggling along a road, (or perhaps “track” would be a better description, ‘though I think “worm” fits the bill well enough, except for the shoulders, which are a little tight, ‘though the worm didn’t seem to mind, and fitting the bill wasn’t a high priority - worms don’t have bills).

“Hold hard” said the Queen “We can’t have that. He isn’t wearing any trousers”.

Everybody looked, well, some of them did, well, two, if you want to be pedantic about it.

It was true. His lower-half was unclothed, as was his upper half, ‘though given that he was a male,this was more acceptable. How they determined that he was a male is a different story, and I’m having enough trouble with this one, as it is. (Come to think of it, I’m none too sure how they determined which was the upper half, and which was the lower, since none of them had seen him standing. I wish I hadn’t started this).

“Explain yourself !” demanded the queen. “Why are you exposing yourself to the court ?”

The worm remained silent (Well, okay clever-clogs, have you ever heard a worm ?)

“Your most highly esteemed and beloved majesty, may I be permitted to say something ?” asked a courtier (a sort of posh jeweller to the courtyard).

“No” replied the queen. So he didn’t, ‘though if he had been allowed to, he would have pointed out that worms have no legs, and are therefore unable to wear trousers. What would they put in the holes ?

A lady in waiting for a number three bus whispered into the queen’s left ear, which she usually kept in a matchbox beside her bed, but had brought with her so that she could pawn it in order to get a crust for her snivelling brats (a fair swap, I’m sure you’ll agree, even ‘though I have no idea who you are): “He has no arms, your great and holy defender of the imps” she said. “So how could he pull his trousers up, even if he had any ?”

The queen thought for a minute, and then pronounced: “For a minute”, then, remembering a line from Alice, she roared: “Off with its head”.

Everyone ignored her, well knowing that worms don’t have heads, and anyway, if you cut a bit off, it just grows back again. Finally they realised that someone had to say something, or the story would end here, meaninglessly, so they poked the man in the bow-tie (a particularly painful place to poke anyone).

“What, your truly amazing magnificence  ?“ asked the waiter timidly.

“I think we’ll start with the fish”

“But there is no fish” he whimpered, kissing the floor three times, and crawling backwards.

“Then I suppose it will have to be the worm” she thundered.

On hearing this, the wretched creature disappeared into an inter-spacial black worm-hole, and was never seen again, which puts an end to this story anyway, so we may as well have stopped before we started, if that’s possible.

I’m sure there’s a moral here, but I don’t know what it is. “Be good, and love your mum” perhaps ?
1
Add a comment...
1
Nina Anthonijsz's profile photo
 
A young Al Di Meola?
Add a comment...
 
I'm not sure it was legal, even back then
1
Add a comment...
 
+Nina Anthonijsz  I said I couldn't get you on my TV. I was wrong
1
1
Peter G Millington-Wallace's profile photoNina Anthonijsz's profile photo
3 comments
 
Add a comment...
 
In the afternoon, of course
1
Add a comment...
 
Avira has a web browser in the works and it just may be the firms next stop in total security dominance.
1
Add a comment...

Communities

 
1
Add a comment...
 
UNDERSTANDING FOX NEWS Politico: “And it came to pass that the earth turned and another campaign season spun into view and the liberal commentariat rose from its siesta to begin its usual moping about the perverse political powers wielded by the Fox News Channel. This time, the sentinel waking the commentariat to the alleged Fox menace is not a liberal but a self-described conservative, Bruce Bartlett. Bartlett, a prolific writer on politics and economics who has worked for congressional Republicans (Ron Paul and Jack Kemp), Republican presidents, (Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush) and conservative and libertarian policy shops, broke with his party a decade ago when he leveled President George W. Bush as an opportunistic pork-barreller in his book Impostor: ‘How George W. Bush Bankrupted America and Betrayed the Reagan Legacy.” Bartlett recently added a media component to his critique in a paper titled “How Fox News Changed American Media and Political Dynamics,” which has heated the blood of liberals to the boiling point. … - See more at: http://capstonenationalpartners.com/the-washington-report-may-29-2015/#sthash.8bQG7DUg.dpuf
5
2
Bob Jamieson's profile photoJohn Doe (Faraday Defcon)'s profile photoBruce Mcdowell's profile photoOtis Chambers's profile photo
4 comments
 
Cry more, libs. Your tears are delicious.
Add a comment...
1
Peter G Millington-Wallace's profile photoNina Anthonijsz's profile photo
5 comments
 
Grrrrrrrr
Add a comment...
 
~JD
2
Add a comment...
 
Academic oligarchy: Majority of science publishing is controlled by just six companies
1
Add a comment...
People
Have him in circles
1,766 people
Taylor Swift Fanpage's profile photo
Danyela Brito's profile photo
Eric Stevenson's profile photo
Rad Mcfly's profile photo
Frank Poliat's profile photo
Abdul Basir Bena's profile photo
Fernando Silva's profile photo
Mauricio Costa's profile photo
Antonio Carlos's profile photo
Communities
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
Havndal, Denmark
Story
Introduction
You HAVE found me. I am the one
Work
Occupation
I am the big shot. Occupation at the moment just having fun
Employment
  • I used to own a moped
Basic Information
Gender
Male
Other names
Why don't I have a maiden name ? That's sexist discrimination