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Jessica Zan
I'm a singing, nursing, counseling, writing, theologizing, dancing fashionista.
I'm a singing, nursing, counseling, writing, theologizing, dancing fashionista.


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turns out your shenanigans and missteps and oopsies may be an important
part of what people love about you, when things are said and done, and
you inch your way through your last breaths. Your grandkids may
take your nurse in the hall to laugh/cry th...

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What Matters (when you can't take care of you)
Some of us will make it within spitting distance of 100.
Most of us will some day depend on other bodies to care for our body. Let me
share with you some of the things that will matter then. You taught your children self-sufficiency. You gave them
full awar...

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"I want to go home. It's so very cold here."
a patient, shaking, naked, and bereft of the control over his body that
he's had since toddler years told me, "I want to be normal. I want to
be me again. I want to go home. It's so very cold here." The extent of
conversation he'd had to that...

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moving forward
This dreadful year. We chose power over peace. Rhetoric over
dialogue. Boundaries over generosity. Strength over vulnerability. The
present over the future. Anger over mercy. Retribution over justice.
Self preservation over humbleness. Our full tummies o...

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tubie god
A thin cord snakes down the length of a pole and into the belly of the baby sleeping in the manger – feeding her. Today, god is a tubie. Pierced and disrupted, already. And what do you let that do to you?  Does it disorganize you to consider a god who willi...

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I have your sunglasses I have your heartache You have my daughter's tiny black slipper Its partner graces my living room floor Lives split by location and shared by forgetfulness Debris scattered in heart and home I gave you lip You gave me instruction Or, ...

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Remembering Orlando
A speech in memory of the victims of Orlando, compiled from this moment, and too many other reactions to other moments of violence. To My LGBTQ
Family: This
memorial isn’t honest without acknowledging our LGBTQ family. Humans died.
We’re all human. We all m...

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2015, or, Why I Went Missing
Facebook offered me my 2015 year in review. I immediately felt nervous. 2015 has been the hardest year of our lives (Jason and I reached a consensus on that). It brought me beautiful things: my Lulu, and my incredible coworkers. Also, Jason lost his job. We...

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Add caption Thanks to Melissa Kircher for this rendering of my words. See her writing and other works here .

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In Light (and Dark) of the Murrah Bombing
Taken on one of my many trips to the Bombing Memorial Tomorrow Oklahoma pauses to reflect on a searing, scarring day for all of us. The day sin tried to win. The day murder and violence tried to steal our joy and purpose and routine. The day Timothy McVeigh...
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