TL;DR – Blood, Sweat, and Dice is returning to a regular posting schedule, though it is much more likely to be only once a week. The rest of this post deals with why I went radio silent without warning. It is personal in nature, and my feelings are not hurt if you skip it. +1ing this post adds you to a circle where I regularly discuss the challenges that led to my radio silence.

This is not an easy post to write. For some of you reading this, this is not new news. For many it will be, however, so I feel I ought to be thorough.
Where has Blood, Sweat, and Dice gone for the past three months? Infertility treatments ate my family’s life, and we are still struggling to get back on track. The lousy past is now far enough behind us, however, for me to be able to return to web in a public fashion.

For the past six years, my wife, Lindsay, and I have been actively trying to have children. For the past year and a half, we have been undergoing aggressive medical intervention to help us to have a child, since the natural method has not worked out. Since my wife has a true needle phobia and is highly sensitive to the hormones used in fertility treatments, this has been an emotionally scarring process for the both of us.

In late October, we were well into our first cycle of IVF when it all simply became too much. I woke up one morning and just couldn’t even think about role playing games and the joy that writing about them brings to my life. Every ounce of energy I had was being consumed by our nightly ritual of administering shots and fighting the panic attacks that come with a phobia amplified by artificial pregnancy hormones. I try hard not to mix my online life as a random person and my online life as an RPG blogger, if only to maintain a decent signal-to-noise ratio, so I really didn’t have anything to write about. It was easy to assume the frustration would pass and I would be back on the horse in no time.

The frustration didn’t pass. The hormone shots were followed by surgery, which was followed by the heartbreak of seeing thirteen healthy eggs become two tiny, misshapen embryos with a low chance of survival. We transferred them and hoped for the best.

Lindsay got pregnant! One of the embryos implanted, and we were finally going to be parents.

Then the numbers on our regular hormone checks began dropping and the future became far less certain. After months of agonizing uncertainty and decline, our child miscarried.

We have cried, we have gone through the worst of the associated depression, and we have come out the other side carrying some pretty hefty emotional wounds, but we are otherwise still determined to press on. Our truly wonderful doctors have found ways to try to ensure it never again gets as bad as it did this past autumn and early winter, but the future is still unwritten.

My energy and passion for writing are slowly returning, and the best way I know to foster that growth is to dive back in. I will not be writing about the infertility treatments on Blood, Sweat, and Dice, but since they are now public, it will be easier to explain a brief hiatus if one becomes necessary.

On this Google Plus account, I do have a circle where I specifically discuss my family’s adventures in infertility. I will add to that circle anyone who +1s this post or requests to be added in the comments. It does not matter if we do not know each other well or really at all. We are not secretive about the infertility treatment process, and we do not mind being asked questions. If a question is too personal to answer, I simply will let the asker know and then not be offended that the question was asked. I have yet to encounter a question that we have been unwilling to answer.

Thank you for taking the time to read this update. Blood, Sweat, and Dice will now return to its regular update schedule.
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