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r person
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Found Everything by Alanis Morissette with Shazam, have a listen: 

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Katy and Daddy, anxious about our TWW!
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Chinese wisdom tells us that certain peopleare destined to come together in this lifetime.

When people are so destined, nothing - - not geography, not age, not circumstance - - will change that destiny. These people are thought to be connected by A Red Thread. 
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How could I let you go, let you be free? love you Unconditionally?

God comes to us in many forms, doesn’t matter, day, evening, night, perhaps while asleep... We are always facing some sort of a test of our faith in him…  Occasionally, in tougher settings than others, however, I presume that is the real test.    
My love/ hate association/ connection/ link with, of all songs, “Wide Awake?” I can shed a tear to almost every song I listen to, somehow my memories come back, like the symptoms of PTSD, I can feel those feelings I thought I’d never want to feel again. If anyone had told me, Katy Perry would play an instrumental role in the acceptance of my daughters (by daughter, I mean both my daughters; Sarah and Katy.) I think I would have laughed it off to be honest. But, like God, thinks appear and vanish, all in a moment, poof and their gone for good, (though, I did make plans to meet Sarah, by the swings.
  On April 23, 2013 @ 2:42pm (IND,) I was so sure when I hung up that telephone after I learned my daughter Sarah and I where set for surgery, for a brief moment, I thought to myself, ‘why had I not come up with this earlier and get she and I the hell out of India?!’ 
Incredibly, it only had taken one random keyword search via Google and I felt as if the answer not only had been sitting in front of me, but, guilty for not allowing myself to focus and just think – as an analytical and methodical theorizer, literally, the person everyone always says, ‘will you stop worrying, and go with it, let things happen…” I cant, I simply cannot bring myself to allow things to happen and the result, I miss the obvious… But, being me isn’t always so simple I guess… So, I began to analyze that particular thought, but, faintly I heard the start of youtube.in begin playing a video – though I did attempt to put the song away and focus on the procedure (Parent-to-Child direct donation, and for some reason, it was not as if I was just donating a section of my intestine, it felt more like an autologous transplant – like Sarah and I where one?) 
(Sarah, forgive Daddy, sometimes when you want something bad enough, logic goes out the window… and you believe things that are truly unbelievable.)  
Then, "I'm Wide Awake, I'm Wide Awake, I'm Wide Awake.... I was in the dark, I was falling hard, and with an open heart.... how did I read the stars so wrong?" 
Opening lyrics began to play, and, for the first time – I did not hear the song I liked as it had been heard 200 times prior.  I heard those very lyrics with genuine significance. 
"Now it’s clear to me, that what you see, ain't always what it seems, yea, I WAS dreaming for so long..." 
"I wish I knew then, what I know now..." Wouldn’t jump in, wouldn’t bow down,” (*who did I become during this time? It is true, regardless how incredibly silly the story, you want so much to believe your hearing the answer to your prayers…)  
“I (similar to the flip of a light-switch, I quickly recognized, what I saw all along. What everyone probably knew really... and they must have asked themselves –WHY?) And I could hear myself finally!
“I wouldn't dive in, I would bow down....”  
And, unexpectedly felt that all the blood in my brain was draining, as if I really was “Falling from cloud nine..." then, I knew, I needed to allow God to handle things, take control…
"I'm letting go tonight" and with those words, I watched a piece of Katy Perry’s soul shooting into the heavens, I felt overwhelmed, like the day I became born again? I could feel, I knew, it was time. If I let go, whatever was in his plan would take place, lifting this weight off my shoulders…
"Not losing any sleep, picked up every piece..." (Sarah, after you entered the world, the heaviest and longest 63 days of my life occurred…I pray you forgive Daddy for pushing you Sarah, I swear, with all my heart, I had virtuous intents and God, please forgive me, "I was trying to hold on...” 
And amid that contemplation, I heeded the right lyrics at the right instance, literally, all at one time, putting my heart and brain at ease:
"Yes, I am born again, right out of the lions den," and despite hearing the intrusion of my vanity "and it's to late," I remembered, it is never too late.  
I sensed my hands go clean, like in the video for “Not Ready To Make Nice,” as I gave what little my power I thought I had over the situation to God, at that moment the phone began to ring again, and with that "the stories over now, THE END." 
I knew in my heart once I picked up that receiver, OUR story would be over….  I asked God for just one more moment.... 

~I guess I was not entirely willing yet. Greedy of me, a trait I had never wanted you to pick up, specifically from me.  I wanted to tell you, how repentant I am. For so long, I believed in my intellect and my individual thoughts, I was wrong.  I wish I could go back to our first meeting and pray with you, not just for you, and asked for guidance in whatever He sought – that I be given the strength to accept His will, and whatever you requested, unquestionably, I would turn back time and fix things for you. 
"Thunder rolling, castles crumbling, I was trying to hold on....  God knows that I tried, seeing the bright side" (I literally felt the weight of what was right, wrong, how to proceed, lifting? 
"I’m (I was) not blind anymore" at one point putting her in a semi-private room (AKA, storage closet!) 
"(I was finally) Wide Awake" and with that "(I let myself) fall from cloud nine, crashing through the night, (finally with a clear head) I let go tonight - I'm Wide Awake - I'm Wide Awake" 
I looked up as the phone began to ring again, and the owner of the hotel started to pound on our door…
Katy Perry? You made an enormous difference in this Dad's being, thank you…
Sarah, not a moment passes that I do not think about you, what milestone you might be mastering today, I miss you and long for just one more minute.  
Then, as any good Christian will tell you, as one door closes, another open opens, and when I brought myself back to reality, there you where....
(*If you had dropped this hint at any other time, I would have thought I was losing my mind…) But, along came an amazing woman willing to give Dadda and I a second chance?
 "All our insecurities, the dirty laundry, (Tracy) never blinked one time....” Sarah, no matter the conclusion, please understand that
 "Unconditionally, I will love you (always,) Unconditionally," 
Sarah, when I felt scared you assured me "there is no fear now, let go and just be free, I will always love you, unconditionally..." 
I have to be honest, 38 weeks, felt like a day had gone by, with rapid shifting of the weather… On that Thursday, I realized 
"You let go, and you are free,” and instead of punishing us for our worldly desires, you encouraged reminding us each to “love her Unconditionally," 
I was so afraid, even as you told me "let go, be free...." It took me a great deal of time to “Come just as you (Daddy and Dadda) are to me, don't need apologies, because you are worthy.... I (we promise we) will take (our gift from God, Tracy and with Sarah’s blessing) all the good and bad days, because I (Dadda and Daddy) love you (baby Katherine, our Katy,) Unconditionally!”  
And, with extra cheese on top, I swear I heard - almost in unison, we accepted one another, you forgave Daddy for all his fears. Looking into your beautiful eyes, I knew that you knew how much "I love you." Some might believe Daddy is losing it, but when I look into your eyes, I see your sister sometimes looking back at me, never think for a moment that I do not see you as sisters, connected maybe, but in no-way improper. 

(WOW) Tracy, of all the woman on this planet, the girl who shocked me with the copper wire in Mrs. Lambruno’s class!  Words will never adequately convey how much you encouraged me, approved of me to feeling sad, supportive of how I felt and always remaining both assuring and believing in me, you gave me permission, that I so desperately needed to hear, that it is okay to love both Sarah and Katy. 
I can hear you ringing your bells to the tune "Open up your heart and just let it begin, open up your heart and just let it in, open up your heart… Acceptance is the key, to be truly free (and I promise Katy, I will you do the same for you) me?"  
 "Unconditional, Unconditionally, I will love you, (Katy) Unconditionally, there is no fear now, let go and just be free, because I (GUARANTEE) I WILL LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY...” 
Katy, do you know why Daddy loves the picture of the first time we locked eyes?  In that first picture of us as father and daughter, I want you to know, "there was no fear, we both let go, and we are here now, forever, Unconditionally…"

Now, lets really shoot for a boy this time! No, I like Liam’s idea, fraternal twin boys, make things “even” 3 girls with me on Earth, 3 boys with me on Earth, and while Sarah waits for me by the swings, I pray her big brother goes directly over and asks her if she needs a push… With two in Gods arms, I can accept that.

(A) Cyrus Mateo & (B) Elliot Matthias (*35 weeks, 1 day, c-s, on a Friday morning, both healthy, born in less than 90 seconds of one another, and I guess: (NO GENDER TIL BIRTH THIS TIME! JUST # OF HEARTBEATS, AND, PLACENTAS….)
A) 18.25 INCH 5LBS 7 OZ
B) 18.25 INCH 5LBS 7 OZ

dated Wednesday, June 25, 2014 @ 8:03am

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watch "Wide Awake" while reading.... THEN you will notice the transition to "Unconditionally," turn on that video at that time...
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