Profile cover photo
Profile photo
Jared Wynants
14 is the new black
14 is the new black
Jared's posts

Time for a rant!
I know with what I'm about to say will make me some enemies. I know that when I declare my view point that it will offend some and I might loose a friend or two, but that's OK. We'll get through this. Even so, it must be said because I can no longer go on pretending.
So, what is it that will make you all hate me? Well, here it is; I don't like Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, 6. Nope, I just can't lie to myself and to everyone around me anymore. It needs to be said and understood as too why I truly feel this way. So, let me give you all some clarification and turn this short post into a long exposition.
To start, let me first acknowledge that I do like the Star Wars universe and they the ideas and concepts therein, but the way the movies are I can not stomach such mediocre sci-fi action anymore.
I recently watched 4, 5, and 6, and there are some major issues that all of them have that apparently everyone has been over-looking for some odd reason that I can only assume is due to pure childhood nostalgia. As an adult, I have a more refined sense of an entertainment value that needs to be met before I can conclude that a movie, game, or book is any good. Since I have issues with the movies I will give the hard facts and reasons as to why they are not well done in my eyes.
Episode 4; A New Hope. Out of the series I am going to say that this one is the worst offender when it comes to being a "good" movie. Why so? Several things mostly having to do with story telling and dialogue. In episode 4, several things have to be overlooked or ignored to even begin to believe that this is a good movie. Pacing isn't so much of an issue as much as hearing the campy dialogue. I understand that things need to happen to get from point A to point B, but all that is said in between makes me understand why Alec Guinness hated the movie so much. Just listen to the lines that are said by each character and try to tell me that it doesn't sound campy or cliche. The whole script sounds like a film student in his freshmen year of college wrote it. The scene with Luke talking with Obi-Wan inside his home in which he receives the light saber is just a condensed info-dumping and plot management. The light saber fight between Darth Vader and Obi-Wan was a laughing stock to thousands of years of real sword fighting throughout history. Tropes within the core writing make it so characters can advance the story without having to overcome serious life-threatening situations. What do I mean by that? Let me break it down.
A prime example is the whole Galactic Empire. Seriously, how they even took over the galaxy and continue to rule it is a testament to disdained belief. The way they are portrayed in the movie, as ruthless trained soldiers, contradicts what they actually are; bumbling idiots that don't know how to aim.
As a soldier, you must be able to accurately aim down your rifle and hit your target consistently to even make it into the ranks. The most basic of basic training tells you not to fire from your hip. It's grossly inaccurate and makes for wasted ammo. But for the main characters to advance these "trained" soldiers have to be dumbed down so as to not have them instantly murdered within the first encounter. Every shot an Imperial soldier makes is so far off from target it's like they weren't even trying to hit them. With a whole army that shoots like that why is it that they're still in power? A child that uses his iron sights could easily defeat a whole regiment of these clowns.
Then there's the Imperial navy. Ship formation and military tactics is a whole other issue within the empire. Explaining why it's so bad and wrong would be too long to an already long rant.
So it's this major trope that allows for Luke, Leia, or Han to never be in real danger.
Episode 5 isn't as bad as the other two but it still managed to have the terrible writing that's prevalent throughout the whole series. Also, the Galactic Empire being horrible at their job allows for easy progress through the script. I also have issue with it being ranked so highly in cinematic history. It's an OK action flick, not Criterion material, so calm down, everyone.
The last great offender, Episode 6, has many problems. What's not to complain about? There's the already aforementioned Galactic Empire being terrible and the weak dialogue is still being spewed, but this movie adds another layer of insults to injury; the Ewoks. I'll focus my attention on just one part in the movie so as to wrap this up quickly.
Scene: Imperial soldiers have the rebel fighters rounded up and out number them 10:1 outside the back entrance to the shield generator. When the situation seems hopeless, by the grace of deus ex machina, the Ewoks, equipped with stones and spears, appear on the hills around the Imperial soldiers. The soldiers, who are "soldiers" in appearance, get easily frightened like deer in headlights, and immediately forget their formation, proceeding to fall away into scrambling. Away from the safety and tactical superiority of the group, the Imperial soldiers are easily defeated by full figured teddy bears with rocks. Even with the might of their walking artillery, the empire is still no match against these fluffy critters who have a taste for human blood. Survivors of this battle are then instantly killed and consumed by the whole Ewok tribe as their former helmets are used as ceremonial drums. With all this mayhem and murder around, all are left with the simple question; who can stand against their adorableness?
It was a crappy plot ploy and it needs to be addressed as one. If you can sit there and tell me that a battalion of trained soldiers, with superior weaponry and numbers, can be easily defeated by woodland furries, then you, Sir, need to be checked for mental retardation.
In summery, the original Star Wars are not great movies, they're OK at best. They don't stand against the test of better writing done by other Sci-Fi action flicks, or TV shows for that matter. They need to be taken off their false pedestal and brought down to where they truly belong. The cycle of showing these movies to kids who then grow up with this sense of nostalgia who then show it to their kids needs to be brought into check. If ones are going to show it to their kids, at least have the sense to truthfully tell them that these movies are old and need to be understood as great for their time but not so much now. Back when everyone was high on PCP, LSD, and cocaine, it was amazing to see laser battles in space and view as the greatest thing ever. But now that the nation has sobered up I think it's about time we got rid of a few more bad habits.
Now, let the hate comments fly! ‪#‎StarWars‬ ‪#‎ANewHope‬ ‪#‎JediReturns‬

Am I the only one that thinks that Nirvana should be retired from the radio? 

Post has attachment
Waffles of boss proportions with real maple syrup. Batter made from scratch with buttermilk and eggs. 

Ignorant sentence of the day: "I don't know how people can live in other countries." 

Post has attachment
This is the video that we made back in June 2005!
Jamie was 18
I was 17
Jake was 16

Note: The armor we are wearing is made out of cardboard and duct tape ; No I do not still have the armor, it was trashed winning second place in a slush pond competition a few years later.
Wait while more posts are being loaded