Evil Dead II Random Stream of Consciousness
After just finishing watching The Evil Dead (1981) and writing down my out-of-context thoughts throughout the movie (goo.gl/mWtaw), I thought I'd continue with Evil Dead II (1987). No real spoilers - just my random ramblings which probably do not make sense to most.

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Wait, is this the same movie as the first one - but just with fewer characters?

I'm very confused by this movie and it's been less than five minutes.

Is this the first movie recapped in a few minutes, with a slightly different plot?

Ah, now I get it; I think.

Ash, are you really talking to yourself? Again?

Fixing your hair and talking to yourself won't help, Ash.

Even the invisible force of evil seems to be confused by what's going on.

I have an almost uncontrollable urge to yell "GOAT!" at the screen. I wonder what that's about.

Decapitated, naked woman is dancing and laughing in very poorly made stop-motion. This is weird for the sake of weird and not scary at all.

This keeps getting weirder and weirder. Is this what people think scary looks like?

This most of all seems like a clip from a Robot Chicken episode. Decapitated woman, chainsaw, and all.

How come these Evil Dead movies come so highly recommended? They just seem weird for the sake of weird to me.

Is he going to have sex with that chair?

Proprioception?

Did she just spit on herself while trying to seem tough?

Apotemnophilia? Hopefully not.

Phantom limb syndrome? That was kind of awesome.

How is it that a severed hand can talk? Or hum? Or whatever that was?

Never mind; now the lamp is laughing.

Like with the first movie, I do not understand these sound effects at all.

What is it with this girl and spitting? At least this time she didn't spit on herself.

That girl looks like the crazy, religious woman from Stephen King's The Mist. You know, Marcia Gay Harden.

Did that male zombie just turn into an elderly woman who now is singing nursery rhymes?

Green blood? I guess it wasn't enough with red, black, and white liquids gushing out of the zombies.

 Up up down down left right left right B A start.

Jor-El? Wait, that can't be right.

What? Another tree rape scene?

That tree is surely taking her for a ride.

Uh, legends about time-travel. I guess that must be a reference to the third movie, which I unfortunately don't think I have time for tonight.

Hillbilly with a shotgun. How can this ever go wrong?

I feel this movie is missing direction. Stuff just happens for no apparent reason, with no purpose or sense of progression.

It's funny how the dagger is made of rubber when it's in someone chest and completely solid as soon as it's pulled out.

This movie has a lot of opportunities for sexual innuendos but it doesn't take advantage of them because it's taking itself way too seriously.

Weapon construction montage! Oh, yeah!

Those trees seem very sexually frustrated. I never thought I'd say that.

This Ash character is little by little turning into a badass. And then he goes and screams like a little, whiny bitch. Oh, well.

Did I hear her say "No jalapenos condom"?

I don't think I was meant to notice that wire.

Oh, so we're back to the stop-motion. Good. /s

Fart sounds and one-liners. Now the movie knows its audience.

Hugging and no boob- or ass-grabbing? Now the movie has lost me again.

Okay, I'm completely misunderstanding what she's saying - unless she's actually talking about condoms, Mario, and Piratos.

Blue blood? I guess it wasn't enough with red, black, white, and green.

A time vortex? Awesome!

Who comes up with this shit? Well, at least it's over now. But there's just one more movie. I think I got time. I'm going to regret this.
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