Ramblings While Watching the Total Recall Remake
I was not really planning on reviewing Total Recall (2012) but since +Sarah Rios asked me to let Google+ know if I liked the remake I'm going to do something I haven't done before. I'll write my random thoughts throughout the movie. No real spoilers, just out-of-context ramblings.


They really want me to read this? I'm watching a movie, not reading a book.

Wait, that does not seem consistent with the laws of physics at all. I guess it's one of those movies.

Wow, I'm surprisingly turned on by this three-breasted woman. I guess boobs in any capacity is working for me.

His acting is weird. Oh, he's supposed to look like he's drunk. I guess that works.

Cool technology with a bad UI.

Killing those guards seemed very easy. #IncompetentLackeys

Oh, Kate Beckinsale looks hot kicking what's-his-face's ass.

A chase scene with building-to-building jumping. How original /s.

Police asking stupid questions. I guess some things don't chance.

Shock! A piece of macaroni just fell from +Fluffy McSharkah Khan onto my floor. Focus back to the movie.

I'm going to hate this movie if one of those "it's all a dream" kind of movies. Perhaps I should have watched the original first.

Bad guys aim for shit. Even when they're robots.

Flying cars? Really? With manual steering? Really?

Almost "I'll explain later" Doctor moment.

I wonder how that levitation technology works.

Wait? Dead already? I thought she was a main character.

I guess I can't tell the difference between unconscious and dead.

Is that Ludwig van Beethoven?

BATMAN! No, not really.

Für Elise? I'm bad at recognizing Beethoven songs.

More technology looking a lot like stuff from I, Robot (2004).

"That's what she said" joke opportunity. I'm a bad person. I'm laughing at serious moments just because the opportunity for a dirty joke.

Summarizing your life in order to reassure yourself that you're not a secret agent. How original /s.

If this conspiracy is real the government is spending a hell of a lot of money because of a single guy. I always wondered why so movies have this plot-thingy when it seems so unnecessarily expensive for the bad guys.

That was a very long scene, taking forever to get to the completely predictable conclusion. This movie still thinks it's something it's not.

Hot girl with a big gun. Yeah!

Being crushed by a sci-fi elevator. Interesting.

OH! Another macaroni piece just fell onto the floor, giving me a bigger shock than anything in the movie so far.

Threesome in an elevator. No, not really.

Bombs in movies have too long timers.

"Way out [arrow pointing up]"-sign just distracted me in an otherwise serious scene. Hmm...

I just remembered that in the last Jessica Biel movie I watched she was kidnapping children. And now she's killing government agents. Peculiar.

Canned food in an underground shelter. Booyah! (Don't judge me by the weird things I find amusing.)

Even if it's Bill Nighy spewing out philosophical sounding phrases it still doesn't really work when it's this kind of movie.

What is fuck is up with these weird futuristic technology interfaces. They do not seem intuitive or ideal at all.

IT'S A TRAP!!! Hell yeah, they actually said it. This makes everything better.

Listening to Bryan Cranston gives me chills. Breaking Bad changed my perception of him.

This is the second scene with a single tear running down Jessica Biel's chin. Curious.

More Bryan Cranston badassery; more chills.

Screw the "good guys" - I'm rooting for Bryan Cranston.

That chair reminds me of The Matrix but I guess the movie isn't trying to have me focus on the chair while so many guys are getting killed.

"Access granted" - Oh, another "that's what the female engineer said"-joke.

Chekhov's guns all over the place. (Look it up.)

Same moment of "I'm not sure that's how physics work" as earlier.

It might just be me, but putting "that's what the female engineer said" after many phrases in sci-fi movies makes me giggle.

Is it wrong that I intuitively smile when the "good guy" is shot? (No spoiler; he is shot in the very first scene too. That's a spoiler.)

I'm not saying the evil overlords of the future are stupid but if I were in charge, I would not use so inefficient robots. Both their hardware and their software seriously need to be rethought.

Swords and knifes all over the place. No, not really - but in a movie with this many guns it's nice to see a blade for a change.




BOOBS! No, not really. <sad face>

Interesting. It actually managed to end on the note I was hoping for (but not expecting at all). Decent enough movie.


I'll end by saying something I've said a few times before:
Quote me all you want, +Mary C.  and +Scott Cramer.
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