**MINOR SPOILERS FOR THE EMERALD ENCHANTER**
When last we left the Edgar Twill Player’s they’d lost their home, their loot and most of their dignity after cheating the Lords of Law and Chaos and returned home to find a year elapsed since their abduction to the Outer Planes. In an attempt to make a little loot they took on a mission to find the missing villagers of Hirot--again. Honestly, this village loses people faster than Trump loses campaign managers. Sad!
They’d gained access to the Lair of the Emerald Enchanter and vanquished several expensive looking gem golems, been attacked by the walls of the castle and dropped our Leather Daddy Dwarf into a spike pit--sadly the foam spouts did not kick in, so he was not able to enjoy the full experience he is accustomed to as a Leather Daddy Dwarf.
After resting and healing overnight, the party pressed forward deeper into the Castle which for some reason had more bedrooms than a youth hostel in Vienna, and honestly fewer things that made you want to kill. They looted several bedrooms, picked up some knick knacks and broke a few beds before finally finding the library, and played Follow the Bouncing Book for far longer than any rational Halfling ever wants to. Frankly, Edgar is not much a reader to begin with, and feels that unless the book contains lifelike drawings of scantily clad nubile human women, there is no reason to to open them in the first place. But, the party DID finally lay their hands on the sixty pound books, only to find out the text was mostly an Elvish Translation of a Atlas Shrugged. Apparently Joaquin Greenleaf Galt believes that this forest crap is keeping the Elvish people enslaved and recommends each Elf live a life of sublime selfishness until finally dying in a rundown apartment while being paid a stipend for sustenance by the King of Elfland. The books, to big to carry out with the Albino Wheelbarrow, which we left outside in the grove were abandoned.
While seeking a way down, our Cleric of the Sovereign got a tingle in his dingle around the giant emerald table we’d seen the Enchanter go through in Scene 27 and prayed on it--and the party took an Express Elevator to Hell, to the lower level of the Enchanter’s Lair. Where we found MORE bedrooms. Apparently, the party had broken into a Holiday Inn Express.
Creeping through hallways, they found an unmarked door next to the ice machine and popped it open expecting to find the towel cart, what they found instead was the Emerald Enchanter himself in a massive lab filled with boiling cauldrons of goo and scantily clad nubile human women in cages--it reminded Edgar of his time in Studio 53 during the 70’s, where he hung out with Lord Warhol of Campbellia--a total freak but always had the best Pixie Dust. The Enchanter seemed a bit peeved we’d been poking through his bedrooms all adventure and launched the girls toward the goo on a chain and pulley system and sent his minions forth to do battle with the Valiant Party. Massive Green Golems and Flying Green Skulls surrounded the party and commenced to kicking the crap out of them--as usual.
It was then that something truly amazing happened, something a party of stalwart adventurers who’d literally been to the Courts of Chaos, seen Sinking Towers and traveled with a character from a 90’s Sitcom for months could NOT BELIEVE: Antis the Terrible (Wizard) began casting a spell--usually this was a sign of impending doom since Antis’ spells almost always go awry usualy with traumatic effects for his fellow adventurers but this time he slashed his flesh and called upon the Legendary Luck of the Halfling and lofted his ONLY decent spell into the fray and put the Emerald Enchanter deep into blissful Sleep at the very beginning of the combat! The Party had a chance!
This did NOT stop the monsters from beating the ever loving hell out of the rest of us, a smashing blow lay Edgar low, bleeding on the floor as the party swirled in combat. Were it not for the healing power of the Sovereign and the Cleric he’d lay a heavy burden upon of recruiting a new follower before sunrise or face the disapproving visage of his God, Edgar would’ve died. Roscoe demanded Edgar convert, but he would not surrender his lust of gold and power. Then, the other Gem Golem smashed the SHIT out of Edgar again, and THIS time, Edgar saw the light of the Sovereign and was SAVED! He renounced his Chaotic ways and embraced the tenets of Law and redeeming Faith of the Sovereign! PRAISE HIM!
Jug the Mighty dashed his way between the swarm of Emerald Beasties, to thrust his mighty Katana deep into the sleeping form of the Emerald Enchanter, slaying him as he lay dreaming. The party finally destroyed the remaining minions of the Enchanters and saved the nubile young women, whom Edgar draped in warm cloaks and ministered to on the Faith of the Sovereign. Gorn the Leather Daddy and Wolf the Thief, who did NOT die for a change, it was all Edgar this week--joined with Joey and Jug praising Antis the Slightly Less Terrible (Wizard) for saving the party with magic and rejoiced as the only plunder of note in this entire lair was spellbook which hopefully contained one or two spells that could actually HURT something, which Antis would only cast wrong and have them blow up on the party anyway.
Battered and wounded, the party limped back to Hirot with the rescue women in tow and Edgar trying to convert the rest of the party to the Faith of the Sovereign and making plans to build a Temple to him and his Avatar Roscoe! PRAISE HIM! PRAISE HIM!
Will the Party finally get some respect? Is Roscoe TRULY the Avatar of the Sovereign? WIll Gorn FINALLY meet that special someone with whom and Dwarf with a penchant for leather and foam parties can settle down? Will Antis learn a new spell and not blow himself trying? Will Joey finally learn HOW you are doing? Most importantly, will Edgar REALLY remain faithful to the Sovereign and continue to be such a self righteous Prig? Tune in next week to the Adventures of The Edgar Twill Player, same Bat Winged Skull Channel, same Bat Winged Skull Time!