Discount boob job?
One of the many services I provide is body painting at public events. This is really in most cases face painting for adults. As you can imagine I'm not limited to painting on faces. Sacramento has an annual Halloween event where over 6000 costumed adults come out to play. I have been the body painter for this particular event for over seven years. I have quite a few stories to tell about this and this is only one of them. As always I am not going to name names, and at an event like this I am lucky if I catch the name in the first place.
So at this particular event, I get my own stage. It is not very large but is good for keeping me out of the crowd. I am always happy to be slightly distanced from the crowd because there is always that one person who has a little too much to drink and interrupts my painting.
This is how it works. One of the guests comes up to the stage and asks to be painted. From there it's only a matter of what and where! Drunk adults can be some of the most creative folk when it comes to designs. They approach it like no regret tattoo art, so to speak. Being the body painter at this event has really sharpened my artistic skills. You never know whyen someone is going to ask you to paint an unborn alien on a massive beer belly or make pair of breasts into a pair of dice.
One of the jobs is the "nipple-taper". You laugh now but it's a serious job. At this event it's considered public so California decency laws applied. This means that we can't have any clients on stage showing any "reproductive organ", this includes nipples. The results of ignoring this could be me being ejected from the event, or if an official is being extra assholeish, shut down the entire event. So the nipple taper had to put a bit of tape over women’s nipples while they are on stage waiting to be painted. This is not as easy as it sounds. Oh sure it sounds like a glamorous job but its not! The client often does not want to have their nipples taped, lacks the motor skills to do it themselves, or they lack the understanding that we are not asking them to have it done to ruin their fun. Most of them will deal with the pasties until they get off stage then remove them.
At one of these events a patron had more than her fair share of alcohol. She staggered up to the stage. Where my good friend was helping with crowd control. He kept trying to keep her off the steps to the stage area, and she kept trying to climb up them. Being that the music was very loud I could only see that there was some sort of conversation between my assistant and the overly drunk woman. I can only imagine it being something like this.
Assistant: Please keep off the stairs. What would you like painted and where ?
Drunk woman : I want flowers painted on these!!! Pointing at her naked chest.
Assistant: Please keep off the stairs. Flowers we can do. Please, put your bra back on until it is your turn.
Drunk woman: But they are awesome! I just had them done. (They were slightly square.)
Assistant: Please keep off the stairs. Please keep your bra on until you get on the stage and put these on.
Drunk woman: But thats not any fun. Just have him paint them for me. I will let him look.
Assistant: Please keep off the stairs. Please keep your top on until your turn. Put these on and he’s doing this for a living. Flashing him is not going to make him break the rules. After all he does paint on people on a regular basis.
Drunk woman: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (Holding her top over her head.)
Assistant: IF you are not going to put on your top someone needs to put tape over your nipples for legal reasons.
Drunk woman: Ok (Pout)
At this point I allowed the woman to come onto the stage as I had just finished the previous client and got a very nice tip. The drunk woman was only a few steps away when she disrobed. “FLOWWWERZ!!!” pointing on her chest.
I looked over to my assistant who gave me a look that said “I tried, she’s your problem now”.
I always have some tape located at the painting area just for occasions like this. “You are going to have to keep those covered please. Here put these on.” I said handing her some tape.
Being a body painter, always be aware of how you touch a model. Just because you have permission to touch someone with your brushes does not mean that you have permission to touch with anything other than brushes. Even something as innocent as putting tape on nipples, to prevent yourself or your model from going to jail, requires some form of permission.
She was not going to have it. “No ! Its a stupid rule. I’m not going to put them on!” she said with a huff.
“Look,if you are going to be on my stage, I need to have those covered ” I said with a little more conviction. She reluctantly agreed. This is when I noticed the shape of the breasts she was so proud of.... Square! Almost Cubical in nature. granted the points of the cubes were rounded off but there was surely blocky in structure. Almost as if someone was to try to make a girlfriend in minecraft . I almost feel sorry for her but she was such a pain in the ass.
In the list of things that you should NOT look for the cheapest price the list goes as such
-Cosmetic surgery / Physical -modification
-Foundations for a house
-Power adapters for life support machines
There are many reasons to have cosmetic surgery. And I have dated many a woman who has had “Boob Jobs”. but it comes down to this. If you are unhappy with the way that you look to the point where you are thinking that you are going to allow someone cut you open with a knife.. Make sure you spend the extra amount on a quality job. I understand wanting to change yourself in some fashion but you deserve just that much more.
Back to the painting .. So her request was flowers. OK I can do that very simple. I had her place the tape to make things legal for the stage and started to paint .. One of the things you pick up as a festival painter (or face painter with kids parties) is how to paint a moving target. Drunks can be extra hard to paint because their movements are not predictable. She wanted me to paint white flowers … now her skin color that was not the best idea .. I suggested we do an undercoat of some other color first but she seemed to be gathering attention from some other person in the crowd. When I picked up brush covered in blue paint !! “NO!!! I SAID WHITE FLOWERS” She screamed.. … “Ok.” I said realizing that she did not hear my suggestions at all.
The white color did not have enough contrast for the skin at all .. this made it so the petals of the flowers could not be seen from very far away. Ways that I could have fixed this would have been to provide a contrasting colour to the outlines or to paint a background telling the customer that “I ‘m going to add a background to the flowers to make them stand out” however she was not having it … the Call of the wild was in her ears and she was eager to get off my stage. Do you know that I had to say to that
“Have a nice day! “
She did not pay me. Gurrrr !
As she was walking off the stage she started to remove the tape. And being that the tape was only slightly smaller than the flowers I had painted most of the painting was ripped off along with the tape. So All of this was for nothing other than an amusing story.
Here is what I learned .
Always have someone help with crowd control
Its ok to kick someone off your stage for not being compliant with local laws or being difficult to the point of making ruining everyone elses fun
Sometimes its ok to not get paid just to get rid of a difficult customer
Telling someone in advance your plans for a painting will prevent upset as not everyone understands art
Be aware that your art will be messed up by the patron
An abundance of patience is very important
Be nice to your Body painter and/or your plastic surgeon Www.thepaintedbody.com