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Corinne Hurlburt
250 followers -
A mixed bag of all kinds of fun things. Refer to my introduction.....
A mixed bag of all kinds of fun things. Refer to my introduction.....

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Don’t EVER allow a toxic or abusive person tell you how to feel or how long you have to heal. When I was in therapy myself, our therapist said anyone who uses statements such as “move on” or “let it go” or “quit hanging on to it,” is being emotionally abusive by dismissing you, invalidating your feelings, and minimizing and trivializing you. She said abusers use those phrases as a means to try and control you and as if your feelings don’t count or are worthless and trivial. This abuse tactic is most often used by the person who has hurt you. A normal healthy person will make apologies, but a toxic person will blame you for “having feelings” or being “hurtable” to avoid take accountability for their own rude, abusive or controlling behaviors. An emotionally abusive person doesn’t get to dictate to you how you should or shouldn’t feel, or how long it takes to heal. It’s part of their manipulation in trying to control you and your emotions. Emotional abuse boils down to control and a feeling of power and superiority. Let their actions and words speak as to who they are and the kind of person you are dealing with.
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Nothing is ever right....nothing is ever good enough.....they use your grandchildren as weapons or punishment.....and no, you should never give in to their rages and tantrums, and demands. They are arrogant, disrespectful, hypocritical and even abusive. They live with a sense of entitlement and superiority, acting as if they are perfect creatures, never make mistakes, are never wrong, never do anything wrong, but you are all flawed and wrong, and everything you do is wrong. Don’t argue with them, or even try to talk to them, because they don’t listen, and are never wrong, and can only see their own point of view. Only you are wrong....
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NEVER, EVER risk your health because of a toxic person, or try to "please" a toxic person, because they simply can not be pleased. Nothing you do will ever be right or good enough. They will continue to fault find and bring nothing but negativity to your door. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO PLEASE SOMEONE ELSE, especially those who who are out looking for "compliance" and they aren't happy unless you comply to their commands, demands and orders. My health was put on the line because of toxic abusive people and it led to several mini strokes, and I now live with 2 permanent heart conditions because of their bullying and abusive and cruel behaviors. My cardio doctor said stress related illnesses like these are quite common, especially when you have other stressful things going on as well. Like I said, never try to make someone else happy or try to please, because nothing will ever be right, and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with you, and everything to do with them and their own unresolved issues and insecurities. You don't have to fit into someone else's box just to try to make them happy. Do not poison yourself with stress trying to please an asshole.
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This is very true! I had this toxic woman who could do nothing but criticize me, make accusations without facts, blame and shame me, ride her self righteous high horse and condemn me, amongst many other things. “Devalue” was a word my husbands and my therapist used regarding this woman and what she was trying to do to me. The toxic female made many accusations, including one, telling me that I was “insecure” and to “get therapy.” But our therapist said that it was indeed this toxic woman who was the insecure one, and had all the exact actions and behaviors of an insecure person. She said insecure people will not only try to exploit you, but will criticize you, act in a condescending manner, devalue you, and try to make you feel insecure with all their finger pointing. She said it is not something normal healthy people do. So if someone is trying to point fingers, or exploit their perceived weaknesses in you, or doing things like this, ignore them, because it is them who are insecure. Insecure people can also be very controlling, which this toxic person also showed all her control issues, and many others have talked in great detail of all her control issues and all the problems and drama she causes and starts because if her horrific control issues. Our therapist clearly saw those issues in her also, just by reading and seeing her actions. She told us that a need for control also stems from huge insecurities. So if someone is controlling you or trying to control you and your emotions, or manipulate you, you can almost bet they are deeply insecure themselves. That is why they always point fingers and exploit....it’s what they do to lift themselves up, to elevate themselves, and to feel superior. Fortunately, most of us who already feel whole, don’t have to do these things and we can see right thru them. Bullies are the same way. They might rage at you, yell, talk over you, laugh at you, harass you, threaten you or whatever else they do. These behaviors never has anything to do with you, and stems from their own deep down insecurities and shortcomings.
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Never listen to a narcissistic abuser. They are full of negativity and will take it out on you in the forms of constant negative criticisms, insults, fault finding, finger pointing, guilt tripping and blaming and shaming. Nothing they ever say to you is positive. Tell them to take their “negative” elsewhere where it belongs. Don’t absorb anything they say or do. You are worth more than they try to make you feel. You are loved, wanted and important. They are the faulty ones.
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Pretty much true!! I can get along with anyone, unless you are a negative, judgmental, opinionated, fault finding control freak who violates my boundaries and litters unsolicited advice, lies, or is a complete hypocrite, in which case, don't come near me. I DON'T like or want any toxic people in my space, especially manipulative controllers.
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Why people think they have a sense of entitlement to intentionally hurt and mistreat others, or take their anger and negativity out on others, is something I will never understand. Then when you defend yourself to their abusive behaviors, they are lecturing and condemning you to "get help," when it's them that need it. My husband had terrible anger issues he went to therapy for. That was several years ago, and he is a completely different person. He would get mad at me for confronting him about his anger. But many of these people think YOU are the problem, when it's THEM. In my own experience, my therapist would tell me I had every right to feel upset and angry at the things my husband would do and blow up about. But according to him, he would sit there and blame me, when it was HIS ANGER all along. Taking anger and negative feelings out on someone is abusive. If you feel entitled to disrespect and mistreat someone, or "get your negative out," then you should be doing it in therapy where it belongs, and not think you have a right to intentionally hurt someone. Like our therapist said, we ALL hurt people from time to time, but there's a difference in someone with healthy behaviors, and those that are toxic. Healthy people show remorse, apologize and take accountability, and often even get help to change. Toxic and unhealthy people lie, deny, gaslight, don't get help, don't show remorse, and certainly never take accountability. That is what narcisstic abuse is about....a sense of entitlement to hurt, use, mistreat and disrespect others. Narcs are unhappy, so they have to try to drag everyone else down as well. That is why they are highly critical, and are always pointing fingers and never looking at themselves.
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Here's a good one. My husband can testify to this one and learned the hard way. He has a female relative (by marriage only) that this pretty much fits to a tee. Nothing but a meddling, drama starting, attention needing, hypocritical, manipulative control freak. He and several others have said for years that she's been drama her whole life, and she proved that all to be 100% correct. We witnessed and experienced it.
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One of the most classic signs of narcissism. A narc never takes accountability or shows remorse for hurting you or mistreating you. The only thing they are sorry about is when you set up boundaries and defend yourself and no longer accept or tolerate their abuse and disrespect. They become very angry, and blame you for the demise of the relationship, instead of introspecting and self reflecting and examining their own toxic and controlling behaviors. They hate it when they see you empowered with knowledge and you stand up and defend yourself. There’s nothing a narc hates more than to not be able to feed his/her ego, by realizing he/she can no longer use you to get his narcissistic supply (sense of power and control over you.) They hate when they can’t be in control. They hate when you expose them. They hate it when their victims and scapegoats assert their rights. They feel entitled and as if they should be void of any consequences of their behaviors.
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This fits in with another meme/poster I saw the other day about “intent.” People’s “intent” becomes very clear when you are dealing with someone toxic. It is always their intent for you to fail, and the really toxic ones will interfere and try everything in their power to try and make you fail or to see you fail. When you succeed, you will see them suddenly leave, because they didn’t get their way. They can’t be happy or supportive for you or your successes because they are jealous and envious. Intent will tell you everything you need to know about someone and who they are.
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