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Michael Shannon
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When the Candles on Granny’s Birthday Cake Become a Fire Hazard

Crack bureaucrats at the Social Security Administration have 6.5 million names in the database of people 112 years old and older, which is quite an accomplishment when you consider the average life expectancy in the Obamanation is 85.

No wonder you have to honk at drivers in the right–on–red lane to get them to move.

Even more remarkable, many of these individuals are still paying INTO the system while they learn to speak English in the 7/11 parking lot.

That’s longevity Uncle Sam style.

Read all about these seniority oozing seniors in my latest Newsmax column at:

http://tinyurl.com/md7uypk
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CPAC 2015 Jindal Surprises, Walker & Paul Solid

CPAC 2015 featured a number of unlikely and unacceptable alleged candidates for president including Big Mouth Donald Trump and Deadbeat Carly Fiorina. Of course Trump is just in it for the branding boost and the ego massage, which actually makes sense in a Kardashian sort of way.

But how could Fiorina possibly think she’s a credible candidate? She ran once for the Senate in California and lost. To top that off she stiffed her consultants for thousands of dollars in bills she still refuses to pay. Other than the odd bankruptcy, I think even Trump pays his bills.

But enough of the sideshow candidates.

There were solid presidential candidates at CPAC and you can have the benefit of my opinions and abuse in this week’s Newsmax column found here:

http://www.newsmax.com/MichaelShannon/CPAC-Chris-Christie-Jeb-Bush-Ted-Cruz/2015/03/05/id/628493/
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Informed Voters Are the Best Ethics Commission

When the family moved to Dallas, just prior to my junior year of high school, my parents enrolled me in Highland Park High School, an uppity establishment proud that “disposable income” was its middle name.

Relatives of one of my classmates tried to corner the silver market. I’m friends with a guy who owns a private island. A female classmate was the granddaughter of the founders of 7/11.

And I think another acquaintance’s family financed the Kennedy assassination.

Professionally I’ve known people wealthy enough to start foundations that — in contrast to the Clinton foundation — give away their own money. Yet in all that time not one of these plutocrats has seen fit to give me a $6500 watch or take my wife on a $15,000 shopping spree.

But then I’ve never been elected governor either.

New job, instant new friends. What a dilemma. Details on the problem and handy guidelines on how politicians can avoid jail are in this week’s Newsmax column:

http://www.newsmax.com/MichaelShannon/Joe-Biden-Bob-McDonnell-Star-Scientific-Jonnie-Williams/2015/02/20/id/625948/
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Government Phone Trees from Hell

I’ve always admired my fellow citizens whose unquenchable optimism leads them to expect to get help when they call a government complaint line.

For me, the term government “complaint line” always creates suspicions regarding sincerity. I can’t help but recall the bumper sticker I once saw on the back of a truck careening through traffic on the Beltway: Don’t Like My Driving? Call 1–800–EAT–S*#T.

I just assume that’s the response I’ll get when calling Uncle Sam, too.

And it will be if you call the IRS for help this tax season, since they are cutting back on “customer service.” But we’re just greedy taxpayers and not people coming here as Jeb Bush says in “an act of love.”

Once their eyes adjust after coming out of the shadows, illegals will be able to call up to three complaint lines including: Customs & Border Patrol, Immigration & Customs Enforcement; and Citizenship & Immigration.

If you’d like to know the cost to install a fourth line for taxpayers incredulous over this waste of money then you need to read the rest of my Newsmax column at:

http://tinyurl.com/lfsreol
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My new Newsmax column: At what point did Obama finally go off deep end? Budget reveals tenuous grasp of reality. http://tinyurl.com/px7f67q
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Did you know I write a column for Newsmax.com? This week I cover how government simultaneously wages war on hunger AND obesity. No wonder the spending and the programs never stop: http://tinyurl.com/l2kuufx 
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Lunch is Finger Lickin’ Good at the National Weather Service

Does your boss supply you with knives, forks, spoons, plates, cups and napkins when you eat lunch? (Fast food employees may feel free to stop reading now.)

The National Weather Service employees serving on the front lines at Fort Climate are angry because Uncle Sam stopped. Who has time to remember the cutlery when you’re fighting “Climate Change?”

Naturally the union filed a grievance, a process where taxpayers again foot the bill, but we are off the hook for place settings.

Complete details in my Newsmax column:

http://www.newsmax.com/MichaelShannon/U-SCommerce-Department-Dan-Sobien-National-Weather-Service/2015/01/22/id/620109/
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You've heard of political football? Now meet Taxpayer Football, funded by YOU! Pentagon wastes millions on recruiting sponsorships while services are downsizing. My Newsmax column has details: http://tinyurl.com/o6tdj92 
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If you've been waiting 65 yrs to become a woman, now's your chance! Medicare covers sex surgery. My Newsmax column: http://tinyurl.com/na37be2
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Why the Widget Method of Evaluating Congress Is a Leftist Plot

Conservatives don’t want Congress to do more to control control our lives, they want Congress to govern and that’s a big difference. In the country’s current state a Congress that governed wisely would be analyzing previously passed laws and repealing the counter–productive, the wasteful and the unnecessary.

So why do many conservatives, and worse conservative media outlets, use a measure designed by the Left to evaluate the productivity of Congress?

It’s time to change how we evaluate Congress. Complete details at (incidentally, ignore the Newsmax headline, it has almost nothing to do with the column):

http://www.newsmax.com/MichaelShannon/John-Boehner-Congress-EPA-The-New-York-Times/2015/01/02/id/616082/
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