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Chris Withers
Works at E-Comm 911
Attended Kwantlen Polytechnic University
Lives in North Vancouver, BC
675 followers|21,090 views
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Chris Withers

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Equinox Earth

From a geostationary orbit 36,000 kilometers above the equator, Russian meteorological satellite Elektro-L takes high-resolution images our fair planet every 30 minutes. But only twice a year, during an Equinox, can it capture an image like this one, showing an entire hemisphere bathed in sunlight. At an Equinox, the Earth's axis of rotation is not tilted toward or away from the Sun, so the solar illumination can extend to both the planet's poles. Of course, this Elektro-L picture was recorded on September 22nd, at the northern hemisphere's autumnal equinox. For a moment on that date, the Sun was behind the geostationary satellite and a telltale glint of reflected sunlight is seen crossing the equator, at the location on the planet with satellite and sun directly overhead

Image Credit: Roscosmos / NTSOMZ / zelenyikot.livejournal.com - Courtesy: Igor Tirsky. Source: http://goo.gl/qCbvjX
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Chris Withers

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to: customerservice@shoppersdrugmart.ca

Hi guys,

I received a piece of mail today in my mailbox with your letterhead on it. At first I was alarmed, because any mail with "drug" in the title immediately raises a red flag with me, but then I looked you guys up and saw you were legit, so that's not my concern.

No, my concern today is that the piece of mail was addressed to someone, Matthew [REDACTED],who is not currently a resident of this house, [REDACTED].

Naturally, I can draw one of two conclusions from this: 1) that Matthew is a previous resident of this address, and has not updated his address information with your system for over 3 years (the approximate time that I've lived here), in which case, please contact him about his up-to-date address information, and send no further mail to this address. Or 2), and I may be going out on a limb here, Matthew is a future resident of this address, and seemingly against the laws of causation, your computer system has this information, and prematurely mailed an advertisement to him before he's actually lived here.
It's this second case that I really need to delve into here, and again, hey, maybe it's a long-shot, but I have many questions about the future, and generally don't like passing up opportunities to address them to those who might have the answers.
Is this future address retrieval the result of some one-time glitch, or is it repeatable? Are the conditions to repeat it known? If the answer is no, I can maybe help you find out how it happened, but I'll need access to your lab.
Has anything other than an address come from the future through this computer system? Dire warnings? Advanced technology schematics? Again, they may be difficult to interpret, and I'm pretty handy with reverse-engineering things, so access to your lab is probably required if you want me to have a look.
I'm kind of on the edge of my seat here, and my brain is frantic with possibilities for what we could do with this time-gateway you may or may not have unlocked. If it turns out the course of history is indeed pliable, not fixed, then we can maybe avoid future disasters and get a real taste of utopia in a mere matter of years. This would, all in all, be very favourable press for the Shoppers Drug Mart brand, and would definitely allow citizens like me to overlook the fact that the word "drug" is in your name.

Any info I can get about this would be most helpful. I work full-time, so access to your lab would need to fall around work hours - I'm sure we can figure something out.

Thanks! And here's to a glorious tomorrow!

[EDIT: Updated with their fun response]
response:

Hello Andrew,

Thank you for writing us. We apologize if you have been receiving mail from Shoppers Drug Mart that was addressed to another customer. Unfortunately, we cannot comment on any research projects that we may currently be conducting. However, we would appreciate it if you could provide us with some additional information that would help us determine when the mailer you received was sent. Could you please let us know if it contained any of the following advertisements?

1)     Now at Shoppers Drug Mart: Everexis
Cure any disease instantly with Everexis! Great for headaches, colds, cancer and more! With no known side effects, nothing can possibly go wrong!

2)     20X The Points on Meat Products
Got the Everexis munchies? Fill your strange and unspeakable hunger and get 20X The Points!

3)     20% Off Everexis Antidote
Everexis left you slow, lumbering, and quick to anger? Take the Everexis antidote. It hasn't been fully tested, but it certainly can't make things any worse!

4)     Hide in a Shoppers Drug Mart Refugee Shelter
With over 1,200 locations still standing across Canada, Shoppers Drug Mart is the ideal place to hold up and hide from the hoard. Ration Nativa Cheese Puffs and Life Brand Vitamins while you wait for rescue! Blood samples will be required for admittance.

5)     Wheat, Glorious Wheat
Exclusively at Shoppers Drug Mart! Rebuild society with wheat, a traditional non-synthetic foodstuff from the before-times. Act fast, as quantities are extremely limited.

If you did not see any of these promotions, please disregard this message. We will simply update our customer database. As our mailers are often sent out in advance, you may still receive additional mail over the next few weeks. We appreciate your patience while the update is processed.

Regards,
Shoppers Drug Mart Customer Service
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?
 
:D
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Warm?
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Very cool. I think I like this idea.
 
Works for me.
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Larry W
 
Chris, this is official... GROW ME!      :)
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This is stunningly beautiful.

Photo by +Dave Morrow.
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Have him in circles
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Chris Withers

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Folks, I would love it if you could spread the word about this event in support of Canuck Place and Five Hole for Food, two great local charities. On September 21, we will be holding a table hockey tournament at Robson Square. $25 gets you a minimum of 5 games. Great prizes up for grabs, including copied of NHL 14 from EA sports. 
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Jason interviewing Sven Baertschi of the Abbotsford Heat
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Chris Withers

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According to twitter, Vancouver has reached mutual agreement with Barry Robson on termination of his contract. Not sure if this will count as the "one guaranteed contract" that can be bought out each year, but it leaves a weak midfield looking even emptier. 
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I wasn't a fan of his myself
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This was so good... they ran the Fresh Prince of Bel Air lyrics though all 64 languages on Google translate and then back into English. It's so amazing by the end!
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Stage 2 of the re-entry draft (players out of contract and whose options weren't picked up) went today. Stage 1 was where you could pick up any player's option as it was. In stage 2, you can draft negotiating rights to any of the available players.

The Whitecaps didn't come to terms with John Thorrington, and DC United picked him up. They also took the rights to former RSL forward Paulo Jr., who can play RW. He had 4 goals and 6 assists in 33 games (starting half of them) for RSL. His assists per 90 minutes ratio was actually surprisingly close to that of Chiumiento's.
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Have him in circles
675 people
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Work
Occupation
Vancouver Police Dispatcher
Employment
  • E-Comm 911
    Police Dispatcher, 2007 - present
  • Basketball BC
    Bookkeeper, 2005 - 2007
  • Liv-N-Well Distributors
    You Name It, 1994 - 2005
  • Vancouver Grizzlies
    Stats Crew, 1997 - 2001
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
North Vancouver, BC
Previously
Richmond, BC - North Vancouver, BC - Surrey, BC
Story
Tagline
Canucks, Whitecaps, Generally Awesome Nerdiness
Introduction
A podcaster and blogger at PuckedInTheHead.com. A huge sports fan, especially the Canucks and the Whitecaps. General tech nerd.
Bragging rights
Engaged to the lovely Rachelle Watson and getting married in July 2012.
Education
  • Kwantlen Polytechnic University
    Accounting, 2002 - 2005
  • Hugh McRoberts Secondary
    1994 - 1999
Basic Information
Gender
Male
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Chris Withers's +1's are the things they like, agree with, or want to recommend.
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