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B Alvarius
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Let's Make a Deal – Bargaining with the Unknown
As the more emotional aspects of my
personality continue to exert themselves I notice the bargaining
process beginning. Discussions with the blg misty unknowable on how
to avoid upcoming events. Today was particularity emotional since I
was able to visit...

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A Breast
As I watch certain physiological
aspects of my male body change in prepration for shut down I also
notice other aspects become hyper accentuated. One particular image
will not seem to leave my mind, a typically male response, it is an
image of a breast, a...

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Expectations versus reality
The idea of  hospice congers up a whole range of ides from "giving up on life" to " transitioning and exiting life in the best manner possible". Excluding tramatic injury where triage protocols take precedent, the slower decline where hospice intervention c...

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Previous Aspects of the Journey
I was recently asked what brought me
Rodeo NM, what were the threads of life that came together to weave
the tapestry of my life in Portal Rodeo area. After finishing my Phd
in Biology I moved tot he southwest in 1987 to start a Post Doc at
Arizona State U...

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The Second Coming
A somewhat indelicate subject this
morning but one that surprised me. I assumed with the colostomy that
the normal route of solid waste excretion would cease, but was I
wrong. I suddenly started getting that full feeling in my lower
bowel, that morning fe...

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Spirituality
In an attempt at the big question that
surrounds this whole issue of dying is - what's next? Every culture
has a rich tradition of attempting to answer “what's next”, but
the best and most intellectually honest answer I can come up with is
– I don't know. ...

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The Changing of the Meds
Well, it was nice while it lasted but
all good things come to and end. Monday after returning from a
lawyers visit I received a phone call from the medical house asking
to deliver the hospital bed. I said sure and began cleaning stuff
out of the bedroom. ...

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Transitions and other Little Picture Stuff
It was a week of
transitions, some positive and some not so positive. First off I've
become more emotional with uncontrolled outbursts of crying and
sobbing. It started with the Hospice nurses visit where I totally
lost it. This behavior has continued an...

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The Little and Big Pictures
In my photography I have always
composed photographs that were “little picture”, “medium
picture” or “big picture” images. That is to say up close
images of landscapes like individual images of trees, plants, and
animals or medium pictures of canyons and r...

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Personal Interactions at the end of Life – Dying is as Much About Them as it is You.
I've been single all my life and have
no children I'm aware of. I never got the personal relationship
thing down very well so have journeyed through life by myself. As I
find myself in a situation where my death will come with family in
attendance I reali...
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