Loads of unfilled dreams - I wanted to see the pyramids, a glacier (I needed proof they moved), Machu Pichu, the Aurora Borealis, lions and tigers and bears (oh, my) as well as beaver, otters and kingfishers but a highly controlling and abusive husband put paid to all that. The irony is that, since I left him (yes, dear Reader, I did finally stop being a wimp, even if it was not only high time but also a rare thing) he goes on foreign holidays. I sometimes wish I believed in reincarnation simply because then I'd at least have the hope that my ambitions would be fulfilled in another life. Ah, well.
My husband, Mark is American - a former US Marine and of redneck propensities few would have put us together and I suspect there are those out there who think our coupling is odd. Whilst he's a good ole Southern boy who used to actually enjoy getting into fistfights, I had a very closeted upbringing before marrying my sociopathic ex. Whilst Mark never had the chance to do much academically only finance (or lack thereof) stopped me from going for a PhD. But, there we go.
Our ambition is to make it back to the US - we're in the UK at present because of aforementioned idiot ex making life a living hell regarding our daughter but Mark misses America terribly. Highly patriotic and having enormous pride and love for his country I find it mindboggling that he willingly came over here to be with me. Greater love etc. Apart from my ex-husband being an ass (three separate Court processes which drove me into bankruptcy. Brilliant) things weren't too bad until I became ill (Sarcoidosis) and then things hit the fan. I was unable to teach, the Govt wouldn't let Mark work and there were times we had to depend upon the local Foodbank. Terribly embarrassing.
My daughter, Flavia has only just started seeing her father again after she got tired of his unreasonable behaviour. Personally I think he should feel blessed, especially when one considers he puts himself before his daughter. Determined not to pay child support he's managed to get by with the equivalent of approximately £1.60/day and decreasing all the time. So she's had to give up the netball team, tennis team, ballet and the cello which means I really want to kick him somewhere it hurts. I had hoped she would be able to travel, to experience things her mother has had to put on permanent hold but there we go. His needs must come first.
Since Mark is a man of action his enforced idleness hasn't sat well. He's tried a few things - making jewellery, soap, candles (he's a cabinet maker by trade) but he's recently started painting in oils. He's good and getting better and hopes to make a living out of it one day. For myself I'm writing novels - well, one misery memoir about life in domestic abuse and the rest are hen-ish lit. Unfortunately one can publish on Amazon easily enough, it's getting people to realize one is there!
Our aim/dream/fantasy is to get to the US. Somewhere warm (Mark - he misses summers) where Mark can have a gallery/picture framing shop. A small, friendly town. We'd live somewhere on a ranchette (it works for me) where we'd have a few animals (dogs, cats, goats - I like goats - donkeys...that sort of thing) and grow our own fruit and vegetables. We both fancy an orchard. I need trees, I like to see mountains and Mark loves fishing so ideally these would be incorporated. It's a nice dream.
I'd also like Flavia to go to University but right now she's doubtful - the expense. Her father just tells her to take out loans which again makes me want to inflict personal injury on him but there we go. Not all fantasies can be realized!
So, there we go: an alpha, gloriously noble male with a ridiculous sense of humour and a tolerance for teasing, a daughter who accepts without question the extreme limitations of her life and getting clothes from charity shops and me - a woman who tells everyone (including herself) that she's a cynic but nonetheless still looks up at the stars and wishes. How ridiculous is that?