The maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been identified as "Sub-sequential Internal Non-morality," more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden and has paid the price of the staggering cost for these repairs. There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT & FORGIVENESS from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (BEST Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention!
P.S.: Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!
Because HE Lives! Working for God on earth doesn't pay much, but His retirement plan is out of this world!
MY 10 RESOLUTIONS FOR 2014 This coming year, I have decided that with God's help, I shall:- Give up complaining . . . focus on gratitude. Give up harsh judgments . . . think kind thoughts. Give up worry . . . trust divine providence. Give up discouragement ...
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN STRENGTH AND COURAGE It takes strength to be firm. It takes courage to be gentle. It takes strength to stand guard. It takes courage to let down your guard. It takes strength to conquer It takes courage to surrender. It takes ...
TIME MANAGEMENT One day, an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachiever s he said...
Even those most faithful to God occasionally need to pause and think about the direction of their lives. It's so easy to bump along from one busy week to another without ever stopping to ponder where we're going and where we should be going. The beginning o...
- Buzz (current)
'I'm Probably an Atheist; I Don't Buy It, I Think the Only Reason for Re...
Veteran radio and television broadcaster Larry King says he thinks the only reason religion exists is because people fear death and declared
Poll: Most Americans Now Consider Romney a Stalker - The New Yorker
The results of a new poll may be a possible setback for Mitt Romney’s latest Presidential ambitions.
Grand Rapids News | Breaking News, Breaking Weather, Local News, Lakesho...
Your source for Grand Rapids News, weather, breaking news events. Also, all the day's news and weather from the West Michigan lakeshore. Dur
How to Take Advantage of Gmail's Evolving User Experience
Although it's still invite-only, it's only a matter of time before Gmail's Inbox becomes the norm, so email marketers need to prepare themse
Rockin' royalty Jetts into Rockville - liherald.com
When she first roared onto the stage in a black jumpsuit and leather jacket, pumping her fists at the crowd, Joan Jett’s voice could barely
Joan Jett earned her status as a rock ’n’ roll icon
Joan Jett’s finest moment—the one that sums up everything about how insanely great she is—doesn’t tend to get a lot of play once you go beyo
PETA offers to pay overdue water bills for vegan converts
DETROIT (WKZO) -- A PETA member says the group will pay overdue water bills for nearly a dozen Detroit families who are willing to go vegan
Ask Experts & Get Answers to Your Questions - ASAP
Ask Experts to answer your questions. Get Expert insights and answers to your questions ASAP. Name your price and get customized answers fro
US Officials Have 'Indication' Malaysia Airline Crashed into Indian Ocean
USS Kidd Being Moved to Search the Area
Angie’s List: Is the Service Site Worth Its Membership Fee?
By now you’ve probably encountered an ad for Angie’s List, the website that lets consumers view ratings and reviews of businesses and servic
Shh, It’s a Secret: Check Out This Hush-Hush McDonald’s Menu
Taking a page out of Panera's book, McDonald's reportedly has its own Secret Menu that consumers can request at the chain's many locations.
'Duck Dynasty' Star Suspended Over Vulgar Anti-Gay Comments
A&E has suspended "Duck Dynasty" star Phil Robertson following anti-gay comments he made in a recent GQ profile, according to a report by En
Do You Ever Feel Like You Don't Belong? - Vertical Thought Blog | United...
We all feel like outsiders from time to time. Like we don't fit in with whatever group we are in. This happens even when we are with our fam
Still Cool After 84 Years: The 2-Ingredient No-Bake Cake
My mother made it in the '50s. My grandmother made it in the '30s. And as it enters its eighth decade, food bloggers and home cooks are stil
Amazon Prime Air: Delivery by Drones Could Arrive As Early as 2015
Drones Might Soon Be Dropping Off Your Toothpaste and Underwear