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Patrick Winstanley
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Writer and publisher of funny poems for children
Writer and publisher of funny poems for children

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I’ve included this poem by Max with the scary Halloween poems, but it is in equal measure funny, scary and revolting.

Casper the Farting Ghost

This is the story of Casper Levenes,
A boy quite addicted to Heinz Spicy Beanz,
They boiled in his gut, fermented in his tum,
Then as a foul vapour they exited his bum.

His brothers said, "Casper, that stench is quite vile,"
Then they clubbed him with chair legs and said with great bile,
"You're the smelliest human who's walked on this earth,
And really you should have been put down at birth."

As he fell to the ground he let out his last fart,
"I'll never forget, in my death, your great part,"
And when the church clock strikes midnight each night,
The brothers do quiver and shiver with fright.

For a stench that's quite eerie and reeks of the pit,
Pervades all their bedrooms and lounges and sh!t,
And they say to each other, "that stink is the most,
It's our dead brother Casper, the flatulent ghost."


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What better way to start the New Year than with some sensationally silly animal poems by Paul Curtis. To begin, a pair of poems about a cat who’s very fussy about what they eat.
 
My Cat Is A Fussy Eater #1
 
My cat is a fussy eater
That’s not uncommon for a Siamese
And for breakfast she will only eat
A bowl of Mice Crispies

My Cat Is A Fussy Eater #2
 
My cat is a fussy eater
That’s not uncommon for a Siamese
And some days only RATatouille
On a bed of Mice will please

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A second festive acrostic, so you should be getting the hang of them by now!

Crackers
Holly
Ribbons
Ivy
Stars
Tinsel
Mistletoe
Angels
Stockings

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If you've forgotten to get a Mother's Day card, flowers or chocolates, why not recite a poem to her instead. It's surprisingly effective and free! 

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Why do we celebrate Father's Day on different dates in England and America, but Mother's Day falls on the same date everywhere. Perhaps it because mothers are more organised! 
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