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Elizabeth Hickey
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Is this the life I envisioned for myself? My God no. I wanted to be a high jumper.--George Saunders
Is this the life I envisioned for myself? My God no. I wanted to be a high jumper.--George Saunders

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Love Never Fails
Every day I drive past the Agape Bible Church on Stark Street. For a couple of months now the sign in front of the church has read:  Love Never Fails John 3:16 My response to the sign varies depending on the day. Usually I am thinking of something else: the...

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The Comeback
When Jasper and I went to visit my brother and his family recently, there was some understandable concern about how I might react to meeting their seven-month-old, Finnegan. Because he’s a baby, but also because he was born on April 1, 2015, the third anniv...

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Right Where I Am: Three Years, Six Months
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Every month is awareness month for something, and in the larger world it makes barely a ripple, competing as it does against Donald Trump and school shootings and videos of puppies. But for a certain sel...

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Palanquin
I’ve been avoiding the topic of dating. It’s primarily, although not exclusively, an issue of tone. The only voice that seems to fit is one of black comedy, which fiction is best suited to support. Because the whole thing is fucking absurd, on multiple leve...

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Alone
I recently went to the ob/gyn for a checkup. The nurse practitioner who knocked softly on my exam room door turned out to be Geri, who was on call at Sunnyside the day Balthazar was born: “Geri, one of my midwives, rushed into the room, looking stricken. Sh...

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The Basement
When my house was a Volunteers of America shelter for battered women and their children, some of the more difficult kids were apparently shut in the back room of the basement to ride out their tantrums. That room has a concrete floor, institutional fluoresc...

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Pietà
My roommate Laura and I joke that we like to birth our children in the spring, like ruminants. It seems the appropriate schedule: become pregnant in the summer, stay cool and (relatively) comfortable through the winter, and deliver when the trees begin to b...

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Peace
The day my new mortgage was approved by underwriting, I took an impromptu selfie and posted it to Facebook. One of the comments I got was from a midwife and pelvic care provider I’d been to see after Jasper was born. A pelvic care provider is kind of a pers...

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Right Where I Am: Two Years, Nine Months, Two Days
2014 was not a good year, in the traditional sense, but it was a powerfully transformative one. My evolving relationship with gratitude has brought me to the beginning of 2015 with a lot of things to be grateful for. Here are some of them: 1. Jasper has fin...

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It Beats For You
My brother and I recently attended the Forecastle music festival, the first concert we’d gone to together since I took him to see Public Enemy when he was thirteen. I don’t know what we were thinking; clearly this is something we should have been doing sinc...
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