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G. Ferrell

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EMG--  Is it tantamount to torture?  Discuss.

I have gone through this twice now and I say that my doctors are trying  to torture me.  It starts with a tech. electrocuting you.  The first few are not that bad, but the last few are pretty awful.  On the last and most powerful shock the sadistic tech. always claims that he cannot find the nerve so as to explain why he is repeatedly shocking me.

Is this not torture?  Torture begins mildly and then it is rampend up until the subject says whatever the torturer would like you to say.

Oh, that is only the first stage of an EMG.  Next a doctor wearing a Superman belt buckle enters your room.  He proceeds to take delight in jabbing needles into your muscles.

Not fun, but I assume that true torture involves a car battery attached to you genitals.
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How to endear yourselves to the new neighbors, a step by step guide:

1) Attend their garage sale on Saturday with two dogs loose and ask if they have any books.

2) Agree that they will place a box of books at my door.  I will reciprocate, but they do not know that.

3) Ask why on Earth anyone would have a garage sale after moving when it makes much more sense to do it before moving.

4) Check out their goods for sale and say, "Well I am not really into wearing dresses."

5) On the next day of the sale bring a wagon load of stuff to their garage (and loose dogs of course) and ask to display them and split any profits.

6) Note that they are watching a VHS tape on a tube TV and comment that they cannot give tube TVs away.

7) Upon hearing that they are watching the wife's acting audition tapes say, "Oh!  That is you?  You used to be cute!"  I quickly qualified that by saying that is a classical comedic thing to say.

8) Discuss the Chicago Blackhawks ad nauseam with them and make new friends.
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Overscanning on second monitor issue

The situation is that my old secondary monitor died so I replaced it with a better monitor, but it is overscanning (cutting off the edges).  There is no way to fix this with the current setup.  It looks sweet, but I have to resize everything as it is cutting off about two pixels on all borders.

The difficulty factor is that the monitor does not have an HDMI input, the computer does not have an HDMI output.  Can I solve this crap by purchasing a DVI-HDMI to USB 3.0 converter?  Right now it is plugged into a VGA converter.

Also it looks great, just the overscanning is really annoying.

Windows 8.1, AMD graphics card.

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Who would like to illustrate my new book?  I plan on selling it for U.S. $1.00.  It is a children's book and only requires 12 simple illustrations.  You receive 20% of any profit.  As I do not have any graphic talent I seek YOUR help in this endeavor which is mostly for fun.  The rough draft is below and the subject is the picking of the nose (why yes, this is a sharp departure from my gritty mysteries).  The difficulty level is the illustrations must be able to scale to ebook readers.

Potentially you could make millions, but most likely not.

We are All Pickers!

(Picture of a small and cute child of ambiguous race with his or her pinkie in a nostril)

Geof Fantastico
Illustrated by (insert your name)

(p. 1)
Your parents pick their noses!
(picture of two adults of ambiguous gender and race picking)

(p. 2)
If you have brothers or sisters they for sure pick!
(picture of small children picking)

Your best friend even picks!
(picture of a kid of ambiguous gender and race picking)

(p. 4)
The police pick!
(picture of a policeman and woman picking)

(p. 5)
When firefighters are not putting out blazes of course they pick!
(picture of firefighters picking)

(p. 6)
Sports heroes pick when not winning games!
(picture of a baseball player, one hand holding a bat over his shoulder, the other hand shoved up his or her nose)

(p. 7)
Movie stars pick!
(picture of attractive males and females picking)

(p. 8)
As do famous musicians.
(picture of someone holding a microphone with one hand, the other hand picking)

(p. 9)
Do dogs and cats pick?
(picture of a dog and cat with paws at their noses)
Of course not!  They do not have fingers.

But monkeys do pick!
(picture of a monkey picking)

(p. 11)
We are all nose pickers.  Sometimes tissues do not do the job.
(picture of a box of tissues)

I am serious about this.  Silly new parents might buy it up.  I was going to end it with something about not eating it until I found out that a 2013 study says that eating it boosts the immune system.  Also perhaps it could end with something about not doing it in public.

Kids books are so easy to write!  I shelled this one out in about three minutes.

© 2015 Geof Fantastico
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