Athazagoraphobia: Fear of being forgotten or ignored or forgetting.
I have this fear, and believe most people do. Deep down we want to matter to others, to the world, the universe, to God, and we all have our own ways of making sure we matter. Many try to put their stamp on the world through their jobs. Many do the same through relationships and pour themselves into their children, spouse, homes...etc. Others fear being forgotten so immensely they turn inward and suffer inside, and so they delve into the world of drug abuse, alcoholism, over-eating, under-eating, quick relationships and meaningless sex, or ironically becoming an angry or depressed recluse.
We all have this thing inside of us that wants to scream out, "I am here!" I believe it is a God-given drive, a life spark lovingly given to us. However, if we are separated from our Creator in any way, the very One who gave us that drive, then how we fulfill that hunger is like filling a bottomless cup. Oh sure, it looks doable, I mean it's just a cup, but we keep pouring and pouring. We will seek love and affection, even dudes, any way we can and at any price, just so we feel like we have worth. We will even destroy ourselves to do it.
Personally, my way of trying to fill this void for years was by the inward way, because I thought I had no worth to anybody, not even God, I was too imperfect. This was even while I was a Youth Pastor, nothing I did felt it was enough. So I sought comfort through my own means and through different empty pleasures. They were never enough, and now my heart, mind and body have many scars from many years of brokenness.
It wasn't till a switch came on when I was about 30 that I truly found joy in life, something I had never experienced. Oh, I had moments of happiness in my life but never a joy that molded my every thought and breath. It wasn't until I actually believed what God had said about me in His love letter to the human race. He really said He loves me, He really says He forgives me, and He really did think I/we were worth while enough to die for. Can you grasp that <insert first name>, God died for you! He forgives you! He is personally and acutely taking care of you right now. He with all His giant heart wants to know you personally and wants you to know Him, and be lead by Him.
Once I truly, and emphatically believed those truths my outlook on the world, the universe, people, relationships, work, breath, the reason why I love and forgive was changed forever. Because I knew I didn't have to fight to be remembered. I mattered because I was made in God's image, and He has told and showed me over and over that I will never be forgotten and that He will use me to effect change the way He sees fit. I just have to trust Him, and remember the things He has said about me, even when I am not perfect or "the best". The reason why I strive now is to return that love back to Him, not that it is required, but it is His due, and because in my heart of hearts I want to.
I also show Him love by writing what I just wrote. My God's special creation, humans, have turned their backs on Him, and He does not deserve that. He is too wonderful to be ignored. If you have breath you are loved and adored, and He awaits your return. God wants to talk with you, and laugh and tear up with you, fight beside you. He wants to walk through your life together, and grow you into something amazing, His reflection here on earth. So that others might see Him, and find Him.
I leave you with one scripture to think about...
"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid...," As spoken by God in Luke 12:7.
You are known!