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mark table
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Getting some Infinity Pants to go with my Infinity Scarf. 
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You can be a chump, a chimp, or a champ. Which are you? #selfhelp  
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I tried to use Stitch Witchery, but all my hems turned into frogs.
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What's a really nice-looking and sturdy phone case for a Palm Treo? Goin' whaling tomorrow! #whaling   #phonecase   #harpoon  
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Whaling trip postponed. Turns out that stuff is illegal. Phone got run over by a boat. 
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Healthy Thanksgiving tip #1: Mashed cauliflower is a wonderful replacement for mashed potatoes. Stop listening to that demon. Take some god damned responsibility. Your misdeeds will be punished in the next life. Do you really want that potato now? Now that you know you are a devil? Now that you know that you are alone and your cowardice is disgusting to your Lord? Now that your hands are made of spoons and your feet are in the gravy boat? Now that you have become the demon, the royalty of lies, the gray half-dead hellspawn that is repulsive to angels? #healthyeating   #thanksgiving   #healthy   #healthythanksgiving  
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Dunking Donuts has a croissant donut now! What will they think of next? Probably something else that has already been invented. #dunkindonuts  
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gameshow idea: everyone in the country gets together and votes on who will be the president out of a list of candidates that have different ideas about stuff.
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Maybe you spotted Richard Karn. Or maybe you spotted anyone's dad ever. #RichardKarn   #dadstyle  
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Cry me a river, Sylvia. Sorry you're up this river without a paddle, Sylvia, but you really shouldn't have sold Donna down the river. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, Sylvia. #river  
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I hope nobody gets shot for being uhnest. #uhnesty  
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Ugh. America is SO FANCY. SORRY I'M NOT FANCY, AMERICA.   #ugh  
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practicing my hambone. love the slap. love the whap. 
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