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Johan Persson


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For your chance to win a brand new 512mb Raspberry Pi

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Finally, ADD us to your circles (if you haven't already)
Do these three things between 9am Friday Dec14th and 8:59am Saturday December 15th (GMT) & one of your will be selected at random as the winner. Full  T&Cs on our website. 

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An atheist professor was teaching a college class and 
he told the class that he was going to prove that there 
is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want 
you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" 

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, 
saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." 

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a 
Marine just returned from the Gulf and released from 
active duty and newly registered in the class walked up 
to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and 
sent him flying from his platform. The professor 
struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's 
the matter with you? Why did you do that?" 

The Marine replied, "God was busy watching 
over my buddies engaged in combat."

The professor then began vibrating rapidly whilst spinning
in his chair. When he reached 6000 RPM he flew through 
the ceiling, leaving behind only a professor shaped hole. 
He died.
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There was once a wolf who was looking to score a free meal. He decided the best way to do this would be to disguise himself in a sheep's clothing and sneak into the sheep's pen.

Unfortunately, he was larger and stronger than all of the other sheep and thus the farmer had his suspicions. The wolf was subjected to DNA testing and when it was determined that he was not a biological sheep he was disqualified from the Olympics for being a sinner.
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A man is asked by the Lord to push a large rock. The man pushes against the rock with his hands. It doesn't move. The man puts his back against it and pushes. The rock doesn't move. The man expends all his energy pushing against the rock, then when he's completely exhausted he rests for a minute and then gets up and pushes against the rock again. The rock still doesn't move. Finally, the Lord comes back and the man apologizes: "I'm sorry, Lord. I tried to move the rock but I just can't do it..." The Lord replies: "What the fuck is wrong with you? Denny's is closed, get the fuck out of our bathroom." And the man stumbled back out onto the sidewalk, walking slowly to nowhere.
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A professor went to visit a Zen monastery to learn the ways of Zen. He excitedly told the monk all that he'd heard and read, asking the monk to confirm or expound on this detail or that. 

After a few minutes, the monk offered the man a cup of tea. He placed the cup on a table, began to pour, and continued to pour even as the cup was full and overflowing.

"What are you doing?" the professor demanded. "The cup is already overfilled and still you pour!" The monk smiled gently.

"My bad," he responded. "I smoked a joint out in the garden before you got here and I'm pretty baked right now. But yeah, Zen basically owns."
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A man had a dream where for his whole life he had walked down a stretch of beach, side by side with God. Most of the time there were two sets of footprints, but the man was disturbed when he noticed that during the most difficult times of his life, there was only a single set of footprints.

"Lord," the man asked, "You said that if I followed You, You would walk with me through good times and bad. But looking back, I see that during my darkest hours, there is only one set of footprints!"

"Take a closer look at the footprints," God answered. The man walked over to take a better look and his jaw dropped.

"Bigfoot?!?" the man exclaimed.

"Bigfoot," nodded the Lord. "During those trying times of your life, Bigfoot walked the earth, and I took you safely into hiding, for Bigfoot is the devil."

The man awoke, his head reeling, the memory of a set of latitude and longitude coordinates at the forefront of his mind. He quickly scribbled them down, his mission was clear.
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A pair of travelers wander into a village with nothing but the clothes on their back and an empty cookpot. The villagers are unwilling to part with any of their food, and so the travelers gather some water from the stream, place a stone in the pot, and start a cookfire.

"What are you making?" asked one of the villagers.

"We are cooking up a kettle of Stone Soup! It promises to be delicious, but it could really use a little garnish." Intrigued, the villager is willing to part with a few carrots and a couple of potatoes. Another curious villager comes by, and the travelers boast about the hearty Stone Soup they are cooking, which only needs a bit of beef to make it especially savory. And so it went, with different people from the village contributing bits of food and seasoning, and by the time the sun had set, there was a wonderful pot of soup for the whole village to share. Everyone was gathered in friendly camaraderie until someone shouted in pain.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he exclaimed. "I bit into a rock and broke my goddamned tooth!" The villagers, realizing they had been tricked, angrily set upon the travelers, beating them bloody and senseless. As they lie in the dust, the constable came along and locked them in the jailhouse, to be tried for criminal negligence.

MORAL: If those hippies put half the energy into finding a real job that they did in thinking up their screwy schemes, they would have been able to afford the Meat Lovers' Extravaganza from Pizza Hut, only $12.99 for a large, and add another medium for just five bucks!
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