What is autism, Asperger's, ADD, et al.?
I still don't know. It is very complicated. All I know is that I have similar traits to what my Dad has. My Dad is sort of like a camera with a huge lense that focuses on a leaf but blurs as soon as he moves it to view the field nearby.
I have the same thing. I can focus on tasks, but struggle in the social World. The most evidence of this struggle comes with any participation in a group of more than two people.
At first, I am trying to listen. What happens in conversations is that someone shifts the conversation, people add information, and the dynamics completely change.
I tend to get stuck on one thing that the first speaker says and want to ask questions and think about the idea. By that time, it is too late. I have gotten lost in my thoughts.
Also, I tire more easily. Any participation in a group means I need to be at my most alert time of the day. Otherwise, I am just too tired to pay attention for very long.
Sometimes, I even wear out when speaking with one person. I either just want to do all the talking or just find it too hard work to listen.
When it comes to derails that I like, I can be a virtual encyclopedia. If it something I am not strong at it is very difficult for me to absorb complex information. I get confused. I forget important steps and information.
When listening to a group and the group is asked to summarize what they just heard, I am amazed to see I missed some key points somehow.
In groups, I miss out on instructions that everyone else hears.
These traits and lack of skills I have are very important towards a healthy and happy social life. When it comes to sports, careers, place on the block, etc. I suffer enormously.
When it comes to women, I am no experiment but I have figured out that most women have an insecurity even in this era that requires that man be seen as powerful, mature, able, and complete in being able to perceive and value all the woman's complex needs.
In other words, women want a man that completes them, eases them, and makes them feel comfortable, and confident.
Unfortunately, there are always men of low moral standards who are takers. Takers can be really charming and confident, and when they finally hurt a woman, women never forget this.
Then, women start looking for a man who doesn't sound the least bit unsure or lacking in confidence. It is a disaster then for me, because I have a disability that makes it very difficult to display confidence and security.
In addition, the women's revolution did not include men. Men are still expected to be the strong and confident ones. We are expected to offer something. Now, the nerdy male can still appear strong by maybe showing that he can earn a living and offer security. However, I am unable to offer anything, but my own struggles.
So, I tried honesty and openness about what I have. That hasn't helped either. It is sort of like a football player during an important game saying "Coach. I may not catch the football because my fingers are jittery". Now, I have revealed that I am a weak and insecure man. I have revealed that I have struggles. Now, women think "Why would I want to deal with this?"
In conclusion, I suffer a lot from a disability that prevents me from being robust in listening and participating in the complexities of social participation and confidence in doing tasks in a socially convincing manner. This is extremely challenging. I am going to look into every strategy to maximize my ability to be seemingly effective.
Unfortunately, in 2014, the World is too fast. This makes it more challenging. I desperately need a simple, less demanding place where I can slowly show confidence and ability. It is a real challenge for me.