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Andy Borowitz
Works at The New Yorker
Attended Harvard College
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Andy Borowitz

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“After the 2012 Republican primary, we knew that we needed to solve what we called the Governor’s smartness problem.”
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Go away, please.
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“Gov. Bush wants to serve his country and if he can best do that by painting, so be it,” a spokesman said.
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The Supreme Court today defended the right of the wealthiest Americans to own the United States government.
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...and judges, and everything else
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Acceptance letter from Harvard.
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Excellent!
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“If you signed up for Obamacare, you have a lot of explaining to do,” he said.
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Mark Zuckerberg announced plans to build a global network of satellites capable of incinerating Google drones in midair.
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Adding to their disbelief were reports that the accomplishment came as the result of collaboration between a Democrat and Republicans.
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Tears streaming down his cheeks, Boehner appeared unable to maintain his composure as he delivered a speech interrupted by blubbering.
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Then go back to your planet of doom!
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GOP: "It's disappointing to see the President use arithmetic for political purposes."
“It’s very disappointing to see the President use arithmetic for political purposes,”
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Casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson met several 2016 G.O.P. candidates available for purchase over the weekend.
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It must be self gratifying to see a line of Republicans lined up to kiss his majestic ring. It's his ring they're kissing and not his ass, right?

The self righteousness of the Republican party is nothing short of astounding. Maybe old Sheldon should lower the bridge when it comes to acceptability. Who knows, Ted Nugent might make the pilgrimage. 
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There is a fine line between social networking and wasting your fucking life.
Education
  • Harvard College
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  • The New Yorker
    Staff Writer, 2012 - present
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