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Lynn Schlieff
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Same as it ever was
It's 1:30 a.m. - Monday.  June 13.  I can't sleep. I'm sitting in the spot Ed used to sit and sleep when he was home.  I miss him so much.  I miss our life, having him with me.  I hate this - being here by myself. The first picture was taken two years ago -...

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The long drive home
Each night I leave Ed, my heart stops just a little. By the time I leave, he's getting sleepy from drugs and ready to drift away.   That makes it easier. The reality is every one of us could go to sleep tonight and not wake up, right?  I think this every ni...

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Sunday night - March 12
Tonight,  Ed  woke up from a nap. He saw me and started crying. A true, heartfelt cry. I went to him and asked what was wrong. He said he wakes up sometimes and can't find me. He gets so scared when he can't find me and realizes he's alone and doesn't know ...

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February update
It's been a month since I've written here.  What used to feel helpful - writing in this blog - now feels sad and hard.  I'm not sure if this is good?  Keeping things inside, not sharing or not feeling tends to create chaos and mess in my life.  Not good for...

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There's no space for fear...
Sunday night.  Got home from the  nursing home about an hour ago.  The ride home is always rough. I get a good cry.   Ed's ok.  He's not really his "old" self.  At the VA, for a time, he was.  He was clear, lucid, smart. This was in November.  Even he said ...

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Waiting...
This feeling, this lonely sad feeling is hard to describe.  It's consuming.  I think it's ok.  I've tried to push it aside, thought about re-engaging with the world.  But I can't.  I want to spend every moment with Ed.  I feel a shift in his demeanor.  Some...

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I miss Ed
I haven't written here in a long time.  Not sure why.  In the past, it's been cathartic.  A release of all the sadness, chaos, anger held in my head. My heart. Lately, though, writing feels too heavy.  A rehash of the shit.  Or maybe... I don't know.... I'm...

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Ouch
Ed's in the hospital and I've had to leave the last two nights because he's kicked me out.  Last night, he thought I had a knife and knew I was going to hurt him.  He said "you know I love you but I don't trust you."  After sitting with him for 10 hours, he...

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This, by far, has been the hardest....
<<< One of my favorite pictures of us.  At Disneyworld's 3D "Bugs Life" - 2014. 5:45 a.m.   Think I've slept about 3 hours total. Probably 2 yesterday.  I'm pretty sure Ed's slept even less. So the latest development is Ed might have dementia. The roller co...
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