Let's Change the World!
"If life were to suddenly get fair, I doubt it would happen in high school." -Sky High
"Oh, that? They're just talking about my loserish childhood and one of my many stupid, stupid choices." -Me
"Love is patient, love is kind. Love makes you slowly lose your mind." -21 Dresses
My little sis: Wow, you're in a really good mood.
Me: No, I'm really in a I-don't-want-to-deal-with-you-right-now-but-just-you-wait-till-tomorrow mood.
My little sis: Mommy!
"As it happens, I have a couple of crazy sisters. I think they’re more like the shave-your-eyebrows-off-while-you-sleep kind of crazy than the murder-you-in-your-bed kind, but you never know." -Detc. Joe Sheehan
"I can't read Cyrillic. It's like all the numbers on the phone that you're not supposed to press.” -Transformers 3
"Nature makes me itch." -Olivia
"I can't help that my sister is an oddity. She's entertaining, though." -Me
"There's something wrong about going a Greek restaurant and ordering a Cuban." -My dad
"What, is Abercrombie making people now?" -The Rocker
"When you live on a golf course, your kids have to wear bike helmets to play in the sandbox." -Bro. Chris
"Sandra Bullock: But you know I can't swim!
Ryan Reynolds: Hence, the boat." -The Proposal
“Somebody told me that glitter was broken glass. THEY LIED.” -Selena
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.” -Stephanie
“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems… BUT it will annoy enough people to make it worth it.”
“More kids are on Twitter these days. Do you know why? It’s because Mom and Dad are on Facebook now, and no kid wants to get on Facebook and see Dad Poke Mom.” -Conan O'Brien
“So I accidentally OD'd on allergy medicine yesterday. But I'm not worried - a bunch of little leprechauns told me I'd be okay right after they flew up on green sparkly unicorns.” -Olivia
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford......then I want to move in with them.” -Bro. Bucky
“Megamind: Put your hands in the air!
[the crowd cheers]
Megamind: Now give me all your wallets!... Just kidding.”
“Why is it that when everyone else is feasting on the pleasures of life, I get the indigestion?” -Denis the Menace
“I can’t feel my pulse… It’s not there! I think I’m DYING!!!!” -Bryan
“Well, ain’t this place a geographical oddity. It’s two weeks from everywhere!” -O Brother Where Art Thou?
“It was a simpler time, with juice boxes… and boogers.” -Lizzie (On the subject of fourth grade)
“Snookie is the last remaining oompa loompa from the original Willy Wonka movie.” -Josiah
“Blogging is not writing; it’s graffiti with punctuation.”-Contagion
“I love my abs soooo much, I cover them in a layer of fat.” -Asia
“Homo sapien may mean ‘Wise man’, but not every Homo sapien IS a wise man.” -Emma
“The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want.” -Jerry Seinfeld
“It’s an inside joke, stay out.” -Bee
Literature and butterflies are the two sweetest passions known to man. ~Vladimir Nabokov
“If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck… Then in chemistry, it’s not a duck.” -My Chemistry teacher
“My math book has problems.” -My Pre-Cal teacher
“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
“It’s tough being a teenager. Half the adults are telling you to find yourself. The other half is telling you to get lost.”
“In a friendship with a fat kid, there are no teeter-totters; only catapults.”
“My parents keep asking how school was. It’s like asking, How was that drive-by shooting? You don’t care how it was, you’re lucky you got out alive.”
“There’s no fluff in history, unless it’s the history of fluff.” -My World History teacher
“I love squeeze cheese. It does all things.” -Me
“When one imagines happiness, general thoughts of a good life come to mind: Golden Corral, machine guns, and warm puppy dogs.” -Jon
“Flynn Rider: You smell that? Take a deep breath through the nose.
[Breathes through nose]
Flynn Rider: Really let that seep in. What are you getting? Because to me, that's part man-smell, and the other part is really bad man-smell. I don't know why, but overall it just smells like the color brown. Your thoughts?”
“Flynn Rider: [after being dropped face-down on the floor] You broke my smolder!”
“Rapunzel: Who's that?
[the castle guards]
Flynn Rider: They don't like me.
Rapunzel: Who's that?
[the Stabbington brothers]
Flynn Rider: They don't like me either.
Rapunzel: And who's *that*?
Flynn Rider: Let's just assume for the moment that everyone in here doesn't like me!”
“Artie Nelson: Y'know what the Talmud says? When someone's comin' to kill ya, get up early, kill 'em first.”
“Marshall Jack Carter: Let's not shoot the crazy end-of-the-world machine just yet.”
“Dr. Witicus: It's been building since last night. It is an incredibly dangerous confluence of meteorological events.
Jack Carter: Uhh?
Henry: A perfect storm.
Jack Carter: Thank you.
Dr. Witicus: A spinning cyclone of instability. High up in the cryosphere.
Henry: Ice funnel of death.
Jack Carter: Gotcha. Why don't you people just say 'ice funnel of death'?”
“Allison: Why don't we just focus on our work and we can put these awkward moments behind us.
Carter: These awkward moments are the only social life I have!”
“Allison: The man holds the key to our future, we just fried a bunch of neurons in his brain, and you want to go out for pizza?
Jack Carter: No! I want to go out for - Chinese.”
“Jack Carter: [answers phone] Hey Andy, let me guess a quantum run-away something or other... Someone what? I'll be right there… [hangs up the phone] someone robbed A BANK! Yeaaaaaaah!”
“Henry: So what do you think I should do?
Jack Carter: Find the person you would least likely to ask for advice and go to them.
Henry: I thought that was what I was doing.”
“Jack Sparrow: Stop blowing holes in my ship!”
“Will Turner: This is either madness... or brilliance.
Jack Sparrow: It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide.”
“Jack Sparrow: One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going: This girl... how far are you willing to go to save her?
Will Turner: I'd die for her.
Jack Sparrow: Oh good. No worries then.”
“Barbossa: So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound?
Jack Sparrow: Or you could surrender.”
“Myka: Why did you come in here all guns blazing?
Pete: It's an escaped H.G. Wells, Mykes! What if she was having one of her "let’s end the world" days?”
“Pete: So, what, the tea set made her trip bunnies?”
“Claudia: Aren't you a Buddhist or something? Try being one with the universe for like a minute.”
“You know what happens to popular people… They get fat.”
“At the temple, there is a poem called "Loss" carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read Loss, only feel it.” -Memoirs of a Geisha
“A story like mine should never be told. For my world is as forbidden as it is fragile. Without its mysteries it cannot survive.” -Memoirs of a Geisha
“Major Lennox: [the pilot calls for a bailout due to "engine failure". Lennox is prepping Galloway and moves him toward the rear of the plane]
Galloway: Why aren't you wearing your chute?
Major Lennox: Because I have to secure the VIPs first! Ok I want you to listen very carefully, and memorize everything that I say. Each chute has a GPS tracker so you can be found by Search and Rescue. Right next to that's a fabric webbing called a bridle, which holds the pin that keeps the main container closed. Ok, are you listening?
Galloway: I can't hear what...
Major Lennox: [slaps Galloway] Stop that!
Galloway: All right, all right...
Major Lennox: All right when the pilot chute inflates into the air, it pulls the pin and opens the main. Red's your backup, blue's your primary. I want you to pull the blue. I need you to pull it really hard!
[Galloway pulls the blue cord]
Major Lennox: Not now, we're on the plane you dumbass!
Galloway: What? NO!
[as the chute deploys, he gets sucked out of the plane; a satisfied Lennox heads back into the plane]
Chief Master Sergeant Epps: Did he say good-bye?
Major Lennox: No, he didn't say good-bye.”
“We’re all freaks and we know it at our church. We embrace it. We love it.” -Olivia
“The more hazardous, the better.” -My Chemistry teacher
“Does believing you’re the last sane man on the planet make you crazy? Cuz if it does, then maybe I am.” -I, Robot
“So I’m just supposed to sit here and look pretty?”
“Yeah, but try harder.”