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Jim Duchene
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The Week In Tweets: 8-14-17
Kim Jong-un Facts: North Korea's Kim Jong-un is happy to be the George Constanza to China's Jerry Seinfeld.   President Trump and Kim Jong-un sound like two drunks in a bar arguing over who's the biggest drunk.   North Korea vows "thousand-fold" revenge on ...

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The Week In Tweets: Celebrity Confidential
Where did Prince Charles spend his first honeymoon? Indiana!     This Just In! Aaron Carter! Comes Out As Bisexual! In Hollywood, that's the first thing you need to do before you admit you're a homosexual.   Paul McCartney! Writes Anti-Trump Song! "Sometime...

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The Week In El Paso Tweets
This Just In!   El Paso County commissioners may raise taxes 8%! "El Paso is a poor county," they said. "We want to keep it that way."   El Paso County commissioners may raise taxes 8%! "The poorer you get," they explained, "the richer we look."   El Paso C...

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Last Words
Last words are important.     You only have one chance to get it right. Get it wrong, and you’ll spend eternity thinking of all the things you should have said, just like you do when you’ve lost an argument with your spouse.     I bring this up because now ...

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The Week In Old Tweets
This Just In! In a secret prison letter to Madonna, Tupac Shakur revealed why he broke up with her! "You be old, bee-YOTCH!"   This Just In! North Korea successfully tests ICBM! North Korean Scientists now plan to aim one toward their greatest threat: Kim J...

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The Week In Tweets: Scientology
Princess Leia: "Help me, L Ron Hubbard. You're my only hope."   Game of Thetans: "A Scientologist always pays his debts."   Game of Thetans: "Winter is clearing."   Knock, knock! "Who's there?" Lord Xenu! "Lord Xenu who?" Puny humans! BOW before the majesty...

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The Week In Tweets (7/22/17)
Can Republicans repeal and replace ObamaCare? "We can't do shit," admits Mitch McConnell, talking about the clogged toilet that is Congress.     This Just In! OJ Simpson! Pardoned! After almost ten years in prison, it's a different world, OJ. "I know, man. ...

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21 Things An Elderly Man Can Do With His Abnormally Long Penis
10) Be the Double Dutch equipment manager.   9) Earn extra cash working part-time for the police department roping off crime scenes.   8) Sail with Jacque Cousteau to check ocean water depths.   7) Charge hikers who want to rappel down a cliff.   6) Teach a...

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Don't Miss The Roswell UFO Festival!
When it comes to the supernatural, I'm a skeptic.      Ghosts? Bah!      Vampires? Feh!      Demonic possessions?      Well... that one's true. I've been divorced enough times to know what I'm talking about.      But there has always been something plausibl...

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Happy Birthday, iPhone!
I, Phone originally published 8-19-11   As someone who's seen the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey about a dozen times (and still falls asleep about midway through it) I can't help but be impressed by this new miracle of technology called the iPhone.      Even G...
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