You aren't alone, my friend. I hate my writing as well. Seriously. Most writers I know hate their writing. And I have a feeling that anyone who has as much success as I've had begins to question whether or not the world is fair. I read better books all the time. But what can I do? I never asked for this. I was working in a bookstore and dabbling. I don't get the hype either.
I shared your video on FB and asked everyone to be nice, feel free to agree with you, but please no nasty comments (not that YouTube ever gets nasty comments, but just in case). I hope the extra pageviews lead to some sales. Lord knows I've had enough. It's someone else's time, now.
Ah, only one piece of advice. No, two. Scratch that, three. First: The segment of readers you put down probably account for the vast majority of people out there who read. I loved the cussing directed at me (really. Reminded me of my wife), but I admit to wincing when you mentioned teenage girls and soccer moms. They're the ones who send me millions of dollars a month. They might like your books too.
Second: Authors aren't in competition with each other. If someone sells a lot of books, they are making readers happy, and those readers will go off in search of more books. A rising tide lifts all ships. I celebrate every book that does well and every author who does well. I think more authors should. Our competition comes from without, not within.
Third: You say in your description: " . . .why I may be the only human being on the planet that thinks it sucks." That should be who thinks it sucks. People aren't objects. Some of us even have feelings!*
Best of luck to you, man. I mean that with complete sincerity and fondness. I'll be reading the sample of your book now.
*(I don't normally correct grammar online -- I find it trite -- but you seem to be interested in preserving the sanctity of the written word, so I thought I'd do my part.)