Question: I have a hard time meeting girls. I am force sensitive & have not declared my Force major. What are the advantages to the Sith &/or Jedi when it comes to picking up women. I'm sorry, but I have to draw the line at Bothans!!
~ Lonely but not Desperate
The Jedi Say:
The Force, both light and dark, surrounds us at all times, so it’s difficult to do a pros vs. cons list about Light Side vs. Dark Side. However, I believe it is imperative to judge what your main goal is from “meeting girls” – are you looking for your partner in the Force, or other things?
My friend, what do you attribute to your difficulty in meeting girls? A Jedi’s strength flows from the force and with this strength, you can find peace and understanding of situations from a multitude of perspectives. In situations where you have to meet girls, now these situations might make you feel fearful and anxious, which without understanding their root can lead down the dark path. Being a Jedi myself, it wasn’t until recently that I truly understood that unconditional love of all creatures, big and small, that are part of the Force, may sometimes bring you feelings of disconnect from a true partner that the Force may bring to your side. We need these partners to balance ourselves no matter what side of the Force we’re inclined toward, which is something the Jedi order has sometimes forgotten outside of the Master/Padawan role.
My advice would be to isolate the factors that make it difficult for you to meet girls, and move forward from there. Determine your motivating behavior, and then identify the females’ motivating behaviors. Sometimes it takes time, but the Force will show you your true partner, even if it’s a true partner for just a length of time, and not until the end of your days. I should share a situation very close to me that shows how the Force works.
Scenario – A man and woman who don’t know each other live in the same residential complex. The single girl lives alone, and the man lives with his wife while they are in the throes of a divorce. They live near each other for a year, never meeting, and then move into different areas, all within speeder distance. A year later, there is a mass gathering to discuss all aspects of the Force and pay tribute to those who have fought for years for the Rebel Alliance and against it in a nearby area (SWC-IV). Both this man and this woman, who do not yet meet one another, sit in the same areas for this gathering, taking the same holorecords, and having the same experiences from opposite sides of the room. They meet and greet the same galactic heroes. They still never meet. Several years later, the still single woman and the now divorced man are introduced by a mutual Force sensitive friend of theirs, and they are getting married in a little less than one month. So, what is your conclusion from this tale?
1) If you feel you are not finding a good place in the galaxy to meet girls, I would try searching in areas and opening your eyes to those you would not first consider. Many females (myself included) who are one with the Force tend to hide a bit, as many men who are one with the Force and completely stunned by our existence as well tend to be, shall we say, overwhelming?
2) Confidence is crucial. Confidence can be gained through peace as well as passion, but peaceful confidence tends to lead to peaceful interactions and behavior, whereas the passionate dark side confidence tends to breed a short temper and explosive interaction, which may turn away apprehensive females, and therefore, attract ones that may be incompatible with your character. Approach seemingly nice girls, even if they are with companions, and strike up a casual conversation with a mutual interest in mind. Nice girls will not spurn you or embarrass you. The Force will guide you to an acceptable choice. Offer to purchase some nourishment (not things that will harm or impair her judgment is some way, such as death sticks or glitterstim) or make a joke and smile. Females of many species can smell fear, and fear leads to the Dark Side.
3) Use the Force to recognize intentions. Females are sometimes confused with how to attract the right male as well, so think of it this way – who looks like they’re overwhelmed with the prospect of self-initiated encounter? That’s the girl to talk to. They’re as uncomfortable as you are. A female observed to be throwing herself at any male that makes eye contact most likely has other intentions or behaviors motivating that interaction, and may be acceptable for a short term encounter, but overall, would not be a positive choice. Conversely, the confident female who is carefully surveying the room to determine who she wants might be interesting, but don’t approach that one if you’re easily intimidated by a strong female who doesn’t necessary “need” you around.
4) Also, don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Let the Force guide you to seeing all aspects of a female before making a decision about what to do. The Force will show you the beauty in all females if you give it a chance to.
5) I know it’s completely cliché, but be yourself at some point in the interaction. Hold back initially to make sure you have some compassion there, and then let your true characteristics show little by little so she knows what she’s getting into. Females tend to want to “improve” their males, but if she doesn’t accept you for who you are initially, that will lead to more difficulties down the Force “road”.
The Sith Say:
The Sith Code is clear on this.
Peace is a lie, there is only Passion.
Passion can be defined as any emotion that is strong, such as Anger, Hatred, Love, or Lust. The most important aspect of earning a woman in your life is to impress upon her the fact that you are worthy of her consideration. I want you to understand that a relationship is won, not deserved because you express your interest. The most important aspect of being considered a worthwhile partner is confidence in your abilities. I am often considered Arrogant by those who do not know me, but my Wife will assure you that I am merely confident with the skills to back up my talk. I showed her that while I talk a good game, I had the skill to back it up. My ruthless sense of humor and desire to prove people inferior to myself showed that I had the intelligence to overcome anyone witless enough to think they could stand against me. You must find your inner strength and allow it to show through your exterior, and allow the women (or men, as you will) to be drawn to you.
Beware though, there are many pitfalls in having a relationship.
1) It is a weakness that can be exploited by your enemies to gain power over you
2) There is no betrayal that did not come from first having formed a bond of trust
3) Your morals and values will be tested more by your relationship than the decision to allow the Force to influence you
4) No person can drive you to a mindless rage faster than someone you once loved –
When this happens you cease to use your anger to gain power, and it begins using you. The Sith philosophy is built around using your anger, and controlling it. Once you lose control of your anger, you are doomed to fall as so many have in the past.
5) Some people will use you for their own gain, claiming love and loyalty to you, while secretly manipulating you into doing their bidding and then disposing of you once your usefulness is passed.
6) You WILL find yourself in a situation where your foe will try to turn your loved ones against you, whether through misrepresentation of the truth, or just telling them things that they will not understand are necessary.
Many people don't realize that Sith and Jedi have many of the same core beliefs, one of them being Detachment. The reasons may be different, but the results are very much the same. If you choose to pursue a relationship with a fellow force user, make sure your philosophies overlap, or instead of being in court signing divorce paperwork, you could find yourself fighting for your life against a woman scorned. Trust me, you don't want that.
Peace, Passion, Knowledge, Power is an advice column from the Star Wars Fanbase. If you have a question for our Force users then please submit it to firstname.lastname@example.org
May the Force be with you