Profile cover photo
Profile photo
Becky Holland
124 followers
124 followers
About
Posts

Post has attachment
On our way home from Sydney we took a short detour to Port Macquarie. We just wanted to sit beside the ocean and allow our soul to rest. I did go for an early morning run and it was glorious, very healing. The joy to be still and be rocked to sleep by the waves at night is something I treasure.

Add a comment...

Post has attachment
In December 2016 when Eleanor was in Randwick Children’s Hospital I bought her a green ukulele, as she loved music and strumming the guitar. Hours Eleanor would listen to a variety of music, and she would play her guitar, giggling and smiling as her long fingers with the tiniest nails of perfection tried a tune. Music was not always something she liked to listen to or should I say she had her music and if I played my music she would cover her ears and squeal. But as she grew up she discovered the joy of many types of music.
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
Tears flow, that gulp of holding back, of not breaking, the breath swallowing the tears, and then, holding myself from not crumbling. Tomorrow, I will see my first beginning of grief and its many waves and torments.
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
Silent Grief - My Faith In My Adventure
Silent Grief - My Faith In My Adventure
myfaithinmyadventure.com.au
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
She smiled that dimply smile and her eyes sparkled telling the story. The giggles made my heart skip a beat, loving how she interacted and loved the play time. Something normal within her normal.
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
Today my tears have flowed remembering last moments of Eleanor. Anger has been felt over misunderstandings and loneliness. It’s not that easy to push on anymore and I long to move forward but it is a strain to push the sheets off me in the morning and to clean the house, to keep on living like nothing happened. I garden and pull weeds, prune trees and plant life in the hope I can watch new life grow, the longing to feel connection to this world once again. Autumn approaches, my favorite season, and Eleanor’s too because she loved the leaves and the trees. Clothes are making me grumpy, my neck hurts, longing to sit, to escape and do nothing but then the other side of me needs to be busy and to move and to do. I keep practicing the routine of living, of exercise, of meeting people and joining in, reading and studying. I keep practicing life so that I won’t fall and crumble. Some days are better and for a brief moment I am lost in conversation and smiles then afterwards invigorated yet worn. Practice, practice I tell myself is the only way forward. Life is precious beyond everything and more. The one you love is beside you one day and the next, life is propelled down a road you never saw coming.
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
Now, yet again, like full circle I sit by Eleanor’s bed. I’ve nothing to hold, I outwardly profess hope but my heart hears the chatter, the reality and the truth. It seems to process faster and it realises these moments of loss are the last of many moments never to be held again except in memory, forever eternal. The room has one window a flame tree stands out among the many hospital buildings. The machines attached to Eleanor holding her life are many and I place a mental block on the drugs and machines around me. The nurse always sits by me adjusting and recoding information. The door is closed and at times the curtains drawn and it is dark so it doesn’t hurt Eleanor’s eyes while she sleeps. How did we end up in this moment? Just last week she was at preschool, she was living, bossing and playing. We had planned play dates, school and time seemed more, not counted like now every moment a last.
A token - My Faith In My Adventure
A token - My Faith In My Adventure
myfaithinmyadventure.com.au
Add a comment...
Wait while more posts are being loaded