The Plank in Your Eye
Lie #3: I’m a much better person than you.
You must believe two things in order to fight this lie. First, there is nothing about your fallen self that is “good.” The Bible clearly says that all of us come into the world with an inclination toward badness, which is referred to as the “flesh,” or “sin nature.” Paul especially knew his sin nature tainted everything about him, not just certain areas of his life.
What I’m trying to emphasize is that you need to stop denying you are flaws across every dimension of who you are. There is nothing about you that your bent toward badness hasn’t stained. Let me put it a different way: You need to get off your high horse and stop believing that there is anything about you that is perfectly good. There isn’t.
Secondly, you have to believe that you are not a better person than your spouse. Each of us comes into the world with a bent to do sinful things, so if you think you are a better person than your spouse, you’re basically saying, “My badness isn’t nearly as bad as my spouse’s badness.” Do you really want to argue that?
You may not like this, but I need to say it: Even if you would never do the same grossly sinful thing your spouse has done, in your natural bent toward sin, you are capable of doing the same thing or have already done the equivalent. God wants you to compare yourself with the only truly good person who ever lived, Christ.
If you want a healthy and thriving marriage, you need to do three things: (1) turn away from the crazy notion that you are basically good and turn toward the biblical view that your natural bent is to sin, (2) accept that you are no better or worse than your spouse compared with Christ, and (3) ask God to help you be humble (have an accurate sense of who you really are) when you interact with your mate.