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Chet Villahermosa
Works at West Contacts Services Inc.
Attended Cebu Doctors' University
Lives in Kapitolyo, Pasig City
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Chet Villahermosa

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I have fought to make freedom my most prized commodity. But the more I fight for this right, the more enslaved I seemed to a life I haven’t opted to.  Freedom, as I’ve heard is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose –and commit myself to – what is best for me.
 
I have reached the bottom of the pit. My soul is in tatters and my heart is bruised. Nothing new. Another blow came and it knocked me out cold and torn. No one to blame but ME. And now, I decide to suffer in silence. Then let myself be in some kind of a trance.
 
It’s sometimes better to just lick my wounds as I have also done in the past. Years of experience had taught me that I can’t evolve on my own. Yet in my heart of hearts, I believe that this time I have to deal with this alone.
 
I need something that would not take me to the brink of despair though. As I’m terrified of falling into depression from which I might never emerge. The more I looked, the more confused I became, the more deserted I felt. A brush of pain never fails to make me more twisted. I’m not certain anymore if I am in communion with my days or with my choices. Nevertheless, I don’t want to lay down rules. I am still free to forge my own path.
 
Lately, I enjoy one hour of anxiety for every minute of peace. All I do is feed that constant desire to feel sorry for myself. With great effort, I present a calm front.
 
I’ve claimed the fact that we, humans have two great problems: knowing when to start and knowing when to stop. 
 
It is always important to discern when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters and what have you. We should all learn to leave in the past those moments in life that are over and done. Slowly, I began to realize that I can’t go back and force things to be as they once were.
 
I set off a path of no return. And I can only go forward. I’m not even allowed to look back at the trail left by my footprints. I can’t turn back. At least I thought so. I have to carry on, or else I’ll be lost in the middle of the road.

“It’s important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards, sometimes we win, and sometimes we lose. Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.”
 
There always comes a moment in our lives when we reach “our limit.” But unfortunately, there is also an event in our lives that is responsible for us failing to progress.
 
It has been a constant battle to always feel obliged to show others that you’re happy and that everything is doing fine. Then again, an author once said, “If I behave in the way people expect me to behave, I will become their slave. It requires enormous self-control not to succumb, because our natural tendency is to want to please, even if the person to be pleased is us. If I do that, I will lose everything including my love for myself.” How true is that?
 
“Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” Can’t help but agree. We all want commitment. We all want someone beside us to relish everything this world has to offer. Better to eat half a sandwich than a whole one. Better to share the big bed than sleep on it all by yourself feeling empty. Better to be interrupted by the man who’s playing his most cherished online game than to be alone in a place with all its tranquillity and peace.
 
For the first time in ages, I did something for myself. I can’t go on deceiving myself forever. It is the reality I longed for yet it is also something that I am so afraid to face. Although to impart, I am not perfectly A-OK. In my lonely little life, I’ve learned not to be grateful too soon, too early. 
 
The matter was left hanging. And I was left with a deep scar. It made me feel mediocre, ashamed, utterly useless and wretched. I often have to cheat that smile. Graces can’t be hoarded. However difficult it may be, I must accept today’s blessings, even if they seem like a curse at times.  
 
I wish to be a woman at peace with her spirit who is no longer wrestling with wounded pride. I hope to be in a state of grace. I’d like to be reborn and put the pain behind then move on and rebuild my life. SOMEDAY. God will allow things to happen when the time is right.
 
A lot has happened already and much has been said. But trust me, NOBODY can disclose the whole truth except US. NO MATTER HOW CLOSE AND TIGHT WE ARE. SO STOP DISCUSSING IT AS IF YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON. READ: YOU THINK YOU KNOW BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  
 
For the Nth time, I am being judged, condemned, labelled, criticized, abhorred and talked about. BRING IT ON PEOPLE! That’s what you are best at anyway. Dahil para sa akin, kahit ano pang gawin nyo, kahit ano pang sabihin nyo, kahit saan pa mapunta to, WALA NG MAS SASAKIT PA NUNG KINUHA SA AMIN ANG DADDY KO. I may be hurting right now but what you do or say won’t break me. I will still walk at my own pace, never slowing down at anyone else’s dictate. So I still thank all my haters. Coz in more ways than one, YOU’VE MADE MY JOURNEY BUMPY YET MORE REWARDING. AND YOU’VE MADE ME DISTINGUISHED THE REAL ONES FROM THE PHONIES.    
 
I leave y’all with this: “The idea that love leads to happiness is a modern invention, dating from the end of the seventeenth century. Ever since then, people have been taught to believe that love should last forever and that marriage is the best place in which to exercise that love. In the last few decades, expectations about marriage as the road to personal fulfilment have grown considerably, as have disappointment and dissatisfaction.”


-- January 4, 2009 --
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Chet Villahermosa

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To my hospital staffing days.
To my honeymoon stage as a Clinical Instructor.
 
 
 
It felt downright great that I was able to survive for THREE t-o-x-i-c MONTHS. It was far from easy YET, I must admit that it has been a fun learning experience. I find it awfully challenging, productive and fulfilling since everyday I never fail to gain something new. New skills, new knowledge, new outlooks, new approaches, new methods, new terms, new friends. I appreciate the fact that I’d be assigned in a certain area for five days while embracing variety and diversity. Then I’d take pleasure in whatever I can swallow and digest. Sometimes even more than I can put up with.
 
 
 
Here is a short preview of whatever happened during the last 96 days:
 
 
 
 
3rd FLOOR:
 
 
It was my first exposure to the clinical area after almost two years. So after a day of Orientation and tailing, I was now given a set of my own patients to take care of for the rest of my shift. I felt so stupid asking a lot of questions yet I’d rather be tagged as dumb if it would mean not harming anyone. I tried my best to acquaint myself again with all the procedures and policies. I was so grateful for the support of the staff nurses, although I must admit I had been extra-needy that time.       
 
 
 
4-B:
 
 
It was my first interaction with students and was gladly introduced by Madam Lim as the newest faculty member to the sophomores and seniors who were on duty. My load became lighter with them around since vital signs and some other must-to-do can be done by them, only with my supervision though.
 
 
 
4-A:
 
 
First day here was hell since I was assigned in Pedia and there a lot of differences with regards to medications and its preparations, which I’m not really familiar of. Plus, I had a patient who has Leukemia and is strictly in reverse isolation that requires aseptic technique at all times. Then we had MVA cases, and all patients are for OR STAT. Translation: Hello skin testing, OR prep and endorsement to the OR nurse. I had a load of TEN at the end of the shift. With these and all, I experienced not eating for 11 straight hours for the first time. 
 
 
 
2-A:
 
 
Since it’s a medical floor and most of the patients are trans-outs from ICU, there are truly a handful of responsibilities to carry out. It was fun working with the Little Girl, MJ, my former classmate, cheatmate, seatmate and dutymate and now as my colleague. She had been a staff for almost eight months now and I can say that she undoubtedly knows a plenty already. I am enormously proud of her.
 
 
 
2-C:
 
 
This is another exposure to the Ward. Dealing with less privileged patients will always teach you a pint of patience and a gallon of fortitude. As a nurse, you can’t help but do everything you can in your power to help them, so much so that at times you’d feel all your efforts are in vain. This was also where another new co-teacher from batch ’07 came in, Mr. Christian Manlosa, who is by far, the most talkative guy I’ve ever met. Seriously.
 
 
 
2-D:
 
 
This is the Ward for Communicable Diseases. And with the vast spread of Hepatitis of all sorts and TB these days, I was a bit apprehensive and angst-ridden. I thought I was wise enough to steer clear of them by getting only Pedia patients. Shit happens and being the clumsy person that I am, I was accidentally pricked by a Cathula gauge 18 while I was assisting Ma’am Sheila, Head Nurse of Infections Committee, with IV insertion for a 1-year-old baby. It was my fault because I recapped the needle and was not cautious of it. I had a Tetanus Toxoid vaccine after my shift and was asked to take Vit. C daily since the diagnosis for the kid is Benign Febrile Seizure secondary to Systemic Viral Infection. I had yet to make myself undergo tither for Hep. B since I wasn’t able to complete the three shots two years ago. I’m still hella scared. I strongly hold on to my faith though.
 
 
 
5th:
 
 
It was my first time to have a patient who passed away. He’s in DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) mode so there’s no need to call the Code Nurse. After removing all his tubings and accompanying the significant others in the Medical Records, I went back to the station only to find out that I have a bunch of meds to prepare and administer, and all IVTT at that. I was so busy that I wasn’t able to go back to the room to check on it and even so, take my break. Not knowing too that the next day, the ambubag will be asked from me when I wasn’t oriented that I’m responsible for it and NO ONE also bothered to even remind me or tell me about it. Good thing that after much deliberation from the Nursing Service, they were able to assemble an old one and had decided not to let us pay for it, which costs a whooping 6K.
 
 
It was my first too that I was able to have an argument with a staff nurse who is by the way a CDUsian. She was appallingly rude to me and was even imparting erroneous means of executing doctor’s orders. She even got the nerve to txt me late at night. I won’t discuss here what exactly happened but trust me, she got some nasty attitude problem. Tsktsk. Get a life, bitch!
 
 
It was also a first for me that I was able to have serious misunderstanding with the parent of my patient. She got a spiteful tongue, to begin with and acts like she owns us and we are her slaves. And yes, true to her word, she reported me to the Supervisor. Thankfully, Ma’am Jen had been sympathetic enough as she listened to my side of the story.
 
 
 
If there’s one thing memorable in this floor is that even for one day, I was able to work with Leireee, one of my dearest and closest friends way back in College. I would have never survived Nursing without her. And it’s nice to see that she is still the same lovely, sweet, smart, supportive and foxy gurl I know.
 
 
 
ICU:
 
 
I’ve always loved it here since time flies so fast; it’s an independent 1:1 ratio, plus it’s air-conditioned and you can sit anytime you want. I was able to completely take care of one patient for the whole week: a Harvard University graduate lawyer who has acquired a very rare autoimmune skin disease, which is Chrug-Strauss Syndrome and who is suffering from a lot more underlying ailments. And who just died few weeks ago. I hope and pray that you’re in a much better place now, Attorney.
 
 
 
Hemodialysis:
 
 
It was a super steady duty since I was only asked to get the BP, pulse rate and copy the blood rate in the patient’s chart. Bonus parts: area is fully-AC’ed, you can sit the whole time and there are TV sets in every corner of the room. It was here that I’ve watched the LIVE telecast of AI. David Cook rocks! But I love it that I was able to recall the tracing of the blood as it goes in and out of the machine. And I also enjoy seeing everyone in the area treats each other as family.      
 
 
  
OR:
 
 
You will never find me in disgust and nauseated in the sight of open bodies with all its organs and blood fronting me. I can even eat while watching operations push through. And it’s always been very entertaining to see surgeons do their shit. I was able to scrub on my last day. And even if it was only a minor surgery that ended before I knew it, I was glad to be able to get the feel of being ‘sterile’ again.
 
 
 
DR:
 
 
Due to activities in the Faculty and our outing, I was only able to stay here for two days. I already had my practicum for my Master’s in the Nursery so I focused my duty in the Delivery Room. To witness moms undergoing internal examination, laboring in pain and finally, giving birth to their kids was a delight. Much more, seeing newborn babies cry at their loudest and make their first interaction to their mothers as they were breastfed. It’s amusing catching a glimpse at these over and again, yet it made me scarier by the minute. I don’t know if I can do this anytime soon. But yes, I heard you. My clock is definitely ticking. Bahala na si Batman.
 
 
 
ER:
 
 
This is where real action and drama is. I relish much the adrenaline that this area brings. Although I had been a mere spectator during those times that there is a patient dying, I was able to help with the basic stuff with them who are not so in critical and grave condition. But my dream to ride in an ambulance is yet to be accomplished. Someday.
 
 
 
OPD:
 
 
For those who don’t know, it stands for Out-Patient Department. It was under renovation that time. And man, it was more than once that I found myself barely breathing coz of the sickening smell of paint, thinner and rugby. I had bouts of allergic rhinitis everyday leaving me with the worst case of migraine. Good thing though that the staff was every inch accommodating, nice and friendly to me that I was able to survive for five days.
 
 
 
 
Community/Health Center:
 
 
I was assigned to Labangon HC because obviously, I am just 10 minutes away from it. And man was I glad that Madam Teresa Tan was the teacher assigned that time. She’s one of them previous mentors whom I adored. Handling the 15 seniors who are on duty that week for their CHN Affiliation had been fun since they were all cooperative. While Mdm. Tan was dealing with the first half of the group in the health center for immunization, Leopold’s, etc. I was with the other half in the community. Irregardless of the scorching heat, much road dust, naughty kids and smelly environment, interacting with the people there was engaging. And with Mdm. Tan having class with the freshmen during afternoons in the school, the students were left under my sole care. So for the whole week (except for Friday) after our lunch, I gave them an hour to work on their SOAPIE and Plan of Visit. Then we proceed with our mini quiz bowl. I would like them to get a bird’s eye view of the possible questions for the Board Exam since a year from now, they will be taking it already. And I will always be a tad hopeful that this group will all be soon my colleagues.                
 
 
  
CMH:       
 
 
It’s another exposure in the Delivery Room and OB-ward, although this time in a different institution, Cebu Maternity Hospital. I was with Ms. Blanche Tan, a sister of my former classmate and now one of my closest co-teachers. Not much of goings-on for the week but I enjoyed hanging out and chatting with another group of seniors who are also behaved enough not to give us any form of headaches.     
 
 
 
 
It has always been a dream for me to be in the academe. And to be a Master’s Degree holder. God has led the way for it to be fulfilled, without me even asking for it. How wonderful is that? When I passed my resume and application letter in the College, it was out of sheer curiosity. Or maybe because I needed some ego-boosting that time after two years of bumming around. So I dived into life. I embraced the unknown. And has dared to live.


-- July 4, 2008 --
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She sips her daily dose of beer and sits in her favorite corner in her room musing over what happened, staring at an empty space. It always seems that she’s living in a nightmare and she can’t wake up from it. This is not new to her. The feeling of defeat is compared to a gulp of air. Misery is even twofold. Sometimes she runs away to see if anyone cares to follow. Or at times she looks cold just so someone will hold her. Her heart is a pin cushion. And her soul is as shallow as a puddle.
 
 
 
 
But many are deceived. She is like any girl you see in the street. In high spirits, affable, gregarious. Nobody sees the pain in her eyes. Putting on a brave act is a skill. She is at her best when feigning a smile. She enjoys walking in the rain because no one can tell she's crying.
 
 
 
 
Tonight is different. Just as she was learning to get her acts together, just as she was making an effort to change, fate messed up with her again. Her life is overrated, that she knows too well. It cooked her to be cold, bitter, dark, glum, distrustful, sullen and twisted. She doesn’t want this though. Believe it.
 
 
 
 
She can no longer pretend now. It already made her a hundred days older. And she can never look at life the same way as before. It has been cruel, sad and unfair. She is pushed beyond her limits. Yet again, you can’t break a girl who’s already broken.
 
 
 
 
As truth to be told, she is not the strong person everybody is considering her she is. Not even a bit. But what keeps her going all through these years and what causes her to hold on to dear life is knowing God intimately. He tells her that no problem, circumstance or situation is greater than Him. Every battle is in His hands for Him to fight.   
 
 
 
 
SO, “from now on, she’s letting go. She is allowing Jesus to take the wheel. To save her from the road she’s on. Coz she can no longer do this on her own.”
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Chet Villahermosa

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I am one of the most unforgiving people there is. I delve deeply into past hurts and have a long streak of memory for them. I am intolerant of mistakes and my anger is overwhelming. I am judgmental and quick to ditch a friend whenever I'm pissed. I have a revengeful streak and downright spiteful. I believe that “vengeance is best served when cold.”
 
 
But lately, I realized there are some things that should be left forgotten and just teach myself to go beyond what has been said and done. I recognized the fact that I am not perfect and that I am also capable of being at fault. That I am stained with many sins, ensnared by many passions, bounded by many fears, swollen by many cares, distracted by many curiosities, entangled by many vanities, surrounded by many mistakes, weakened by many efforts, weighed down by many temptations, sapped by many pleasures and tormented by many wants. That I am at par with just anybody who is flawed by nature.
 
 
Each day, I am learning to say sorry and mean it at the same time. I am learning to forgive hastily and not dwell on the slip-ups one has perpetrated on me. I am learning to overlook on other’s weaknesses and focus more on their strengths. (Translation: to become less ‘pintasera’) I am learning to appreciate more the person and take into account his value in my life. And I am learning to make all of these as a habit so I can be better, in more ways than one.
 
 
Here is a story which can leave footprints in our hearts. Read on and prepare to be inspired.             
 
 
TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT. DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE IN THE FACE.


THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND: TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.


THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS, WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH. THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.


AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING, HE WROTE ON A STONE: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE ".


THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW, YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"


THE FRIEND REPLIED "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND WHERE WINDS OF FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY. BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT."

 

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.


THEY SAY IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL PERSON, AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN AN ENTIRE LIFE TO FORGET THEM.


TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE! DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT VALUE WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE.
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Some of them are true, some are not. Yet, I still take pride in whatever it is that makes me different. Coz it is what that divides me from the rest.
 
 
**********************************************************************
 
 
Is your birthday day 13 of the month?
 
Your Life: you are sincere and easy going. Flattering and charming around are not your style. You care so much for freedom that often leads you to the difficult path. Because of your sincerity, most people find you easy to be around although you are sometimes too straightforward.
 
Your Love: your gentleness, care and sincerity make you an attractive person. Even though you don’t intend to be charming, but you naturally are, especially in the eyes of the opposite sex.
 
 
**********************************************************************
 
 
What is your animal instinct?
 
October 1-15 ~ MONKEY
 
If you are a Monkey: you are very impatient and hyperactive! You want things to be done as quickly as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love it if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique. You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling into traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!
 
 
**********************************************************************
 
 
What color are you?
 
October 4-13 ~ NAVY
 
Navy: you are attractive and you love your life. You have a strong feeling towards everything and you are very easily distracted. Once you get angry at someone, it’s hard for you to forgive them.
 
 
**********************************************************************
 
      
Are you in love with a Libra? (Sept. 22 – Oct. 22)
 
If you are in love with a Libran man or woman, give him or her your attention and your company. This is one individual who truly wants to share as much as possible in life and will be faithful and dedicated partner if given the chance. You may notice, too that, he/she always strives to be inclusive of not only you, but friends and acquaintances, as well. This person truly needs interactions with others and desires a full social life above many other things. Because of his/her desire for balance, you may also see some striking dualities here. Soft lights and classical music could be interspersed with wild dancing revelries to rock and roll; each Libra expresses this aspect in his/her own way. Whatever the oppositions at work here, they will play and interplay in equal amounts. If you are not as comfortable with one side, just wait a bit until the other reappears. This is one honey that can also be counted upon to help out with household chores. Dishes, dusting, sweeping, hedge trimming, and lawn mowing are almost akin to lovemaking (love of home) in his/her eyes. All you need to do is be 100% loyal and you will be treated like the King/Queen of the Castle. It’s quite a small price to pay. You can be sure, however, that this honey will never leave you lonely. He/she understands togetherness unlike most other signs and you would do well to return the favor. Be careful too not to accept too many gratuities without exchange as he/she will be aware of the imbalance and may harbor silent resentments in the future. Enjoying the fun, sharing and caring of this individual while giving back the same will ensure you a long, happy and prosperous relationship for both of you.
 
 
************************************************************************  
 
 
October 13, 1981
 
10 + 13 + 1981 = 2004 = 2 + 0 + 0 + 4 = 6
 
Birth Number = 6
 
#6 The ROMANTIC: 6’s are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their emotions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6’s should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.
 
Famous 6’s: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn
 
 
**********************************************************************
 
 
DARK SIDE OF MY SIGN: Libra
 
Your inability to reach a decision in matters of personal action is legendary. You like to weigh all the alternatives and hear every side of an argument --- but this may take time and opportunities may pass you by because of it. You also like to expand energy on people who may not deserve it. You want to help the underdog. You are also sensitive to criticism and may take mild statements of fact very personally.
 
Advice: Follow your instincts and act on them --- stop sitting on fences. Don’t blindly trust people. Learn to be a little more discriminating in your offers of help. Learn to think of yourself and don’t be swayed by persuasive tongues.
 
 
**********************************************************************
 
 
It is only by knowing me that one can attest if these are factual or not. The shit you hear about me might be true but then again, it could be as fake as the bitch who told you.

 
And if you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. I couldn't care less. NEWSFLASH: I don't live to please YOU!
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Everyone has a weird and wild side. I just opt to make mine public.
 
 
My 22 weird habits:
 
 
I am an absolute OC. I want my things and tasks to be spic and span and spotless. Even if it would mean exhaustion on my part and exasperation for others.
 
 
 
I welcome pain and complicated things with open arms to numb myself. I consider cross-stitching, piercing, waxing and getting a tattoo therapeutic although I am yet to get one.. sooooon! I have a design na! Yey!
 
 
Crying is a sport to me. My tear ducts are activated whenever I’m happy, SAD, excited, MAD, frustrated, TIRED, lost, DRUNK, damaged and SLEEPY.
 
 
I have an autistic side. I tend to be so into my own world that I sometimes don’t realize people are talking to me. Or maybe I haven’t really heard you. Or most probably, I’m trying not to coz I’m not interested.
 
 
I am not a fan of making eating as a hobby. But I deem chocolates, pizza, pasta, quesadilla and cake as my comfort foods. They boost up my endorphin level.
 
 
I easily get hooked up with TV series, may it be local or international. I can honestly watch them from sun up to sun down. They never fail to turn me into a homebody.   
 
    
I hate SURPRISES. Pleeease! Enough said.
 
 
I have a huge heart for kids. I can be assigned in the Pedia Ward for 72 hours or can be a nanny with no pay at all.
 
 
I can only appreciate BLUE ROSES and BLUE TULIPS. I am feigning a positive reception with any flower other than these.
 
 
I love being a host of a party. It’s my way of giving back all the good things I gain from the adored people in my life.
 
 
I still think my Dad is just in Riyadh working his ass off and has just too many errands to do, so communication is impossible sigh
 
 
I buy some things for my loved ones just because.
 
 
When I’m with my people, a conversation is sometimes at best when we say nothing at all. Silence is never deafening and uncomfortable.
 
 
My day aint complete without reading the newspaper. And lately, the Bible.
 
 
Each time nostalgia hits me, I seek refuge to my old albums and letters from my tightest circle.  
 
 
CATS are pain in the ass. I abhor it most when they rub themselves against my leg. I fear them as much as I despise them.
 
 
I take pleasure in cheap and simple thrills of life. Mga abot-kayang halagang inumin, pagkain, gamit at trip. It feeds me.
 
 
After having my monthly home-service massage, I can sleep for twelve straight hours. Away pag ginising mo ako!
 
 
Hair and skin is a fetish. I made a certain derma clinic and few salons a little richer. Now that short hair is back, I’m thinking of chopping mine off since it’s been long for like eight years. I don’t think I’m all set for that just yet, though. Perhaps, when something really big happens. So the drastic change in my life will explain my new do.           
 
 
If my brain is fried and I am stressed out, I load my I-pod speaker’s volume up, sing my heart out and scream at the top of my lungs and dance like no one is watching. Well, no one really is. Coz I only do it in my room.
 
 
Rainy days make me gloomy, extra-emotional and bluer than blue. I find them boring and nauseating. Apart from times I’m with my hubby, though. I see them as stolen moments for more serious loving.
 
 
I am always on a fetal position when I sleep. I badly need to be on my side and have pillows in between my legs. Plus, namamahay pa ako.
 
 
 
For the Nth time, I am again giving myself away. And for the life in me, I realize how invigorating it is. Nilaglag ko na naman ang sarili ko.


Anyhoo, I'm pretty sure that I can still feel love overflowing from all corners. Even if I'm one bizarre being.
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Chet Villahermosa

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There are TEN things I’ve learned for the past three months.
 
 
#1 Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do.
 
 
 
#2 Hold your head high. They will kill to see you fall.
 
 
 
#3 It’s not about worrying what’s down the road or where you will end up. It’s about enjoying where you are right now.
 
 
 
#4 You shouldn’t have to sacrifice who you are just because someone else has a problem with it.
 
 
 
#5 Passion is knowing what you want and never stopping until you get it.
 
 
 
#6 It’s best to accept life as it really is and not as we imagined it to be.
 
 
 
#7 People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves.
 
 
 
#8 Life takes us by surprise and orders us to move toward the unknown -- even when we don’t want to and when we think we don’t need to.
 
 
 
#9 Happiness is something that is multiplied when it is divided.
 
 
 
#10 Each of us become a part of God’s path, and become a vehicle for His miracles. His generous hands heap His blessings on those who know how to receive them.
 
 
 
 
 
For weeks, I’ve been in a roller-coaster ride. At times, I stood paralyzed with fear while I see patients just waiting for death, which had already made an appointment with them. I’d talk in riddles. I was proud of being misunderstood. To my surprise, I even felt a stab of jealousy sometimes. I opted to let things run their normal course. I allowed nothing strange to trouble my mediocre existence in the hospital. There are also days that it seems almost as if I’m channeling wisdom that isn’t mine. But suddenly, everyday is like waking up from a long state of coma, with an immense desire to live again. Somebody even noted a new gleam in my eyes, a surge of hope. Thank you, God.
 
 
 
Yet, I also realized that I must get a grip on myself . I may be back to Loserville before it will get the better of me. But yes, we are our own greatest surprise. Rarely do we realize that we are in the midst of the extraordinary. We even come to a point that we deem that all our efforts are futile and none of it bore any fruit.
 
 
 
Personal growth has its price and I am paying it without complaint. So I say: I am now capable of surviving the snares of the world. And If I have to fall, may it be from a high place. That it may all be damn worth it.
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Chet Villahermosa

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I have just ‘un-friendstered’ a number of people from my two accounts in Friendster. If I was able to delete my five other accounts before coz of spam mails, this won’t surely hurt. Not a bit. Not at all.
 
 
 
 
I only did this to those people whom I really don’t know and whom I haven’t even met though. Coz these LOT has mostly been a pain in the ass. And I don’t wanna deal with frivolity no more. I am too tired and sick and old for that.
 
 
 
 
Just in case we are truly friends or plain acquaintances, and I have deleted you for some reason, blame it on my short-term memory or just coz of complete carelessness. Since I don’t just diss and ditch people, especially if you’ve really been a part of my world, even if we’re not in speaking terms today.
 
 
 
     
Contrary to some beliefs, NO ONE has asked me to do this. That would be too ‘un-cool.’ Even too ‘un-sweet.’ I just wanna be un-friendly for a change. And be stingy in sharing myself. Coz maybe, just maybe, it can make things happen. Or can even cause miracles. 
 
 
 
 
This is also to keep my circle in one piece. And to over and again, embrace exclusivity. It’s safer, more peaceful and less drama. And yes, that’s also the reason why I am stashing the two accounts NOT for everybody’s view anymore. Much has been said already about me and against me. Let’s not overdo it to any further extent. It's getting more boring by the minute.
 
 
 
 
Kapish?
 
 
 
 
xoxo,
c.h.e.t.t.y.p.r.e.t.t.y.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Case in point:
“There will come a point in your life when you’ll get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. It’s not giving up, it’s just a realization that you don’t need all those you went after. Because what you need are those who stood by you, even if you never said that you needed them.”
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Chet Villahermosa

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“Almighty Father, I don’t understand it, but I have faith in You. And I am not going to spend all my time trying to figure out why certain things took place. I’m going to trust You to make something good out of it. You are a good God and I know that You have my best interests at heart. You promised that all things will work together for my good. Please Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.”
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Chet Villahermosa

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Out of sheer habit and as to not spoil the tradition I’ve been doing for the past years, I’ll summon up all those things that have transpired for the last twelve months. But this time, I’ll only muse over all of them highlights and focal points.



April has always been special for my mom and dad as they celebrate their wedding anniversary. We never thought it would also mark that wretched day when my dear dad has finally joined our Creator. Death is most disheartening when it’s sudden and too soon. My family and I are still grieving. We’re mournful for the loss of somebody who has always been bursting with much love to give and mondo gusto to live but with little time to do it. Yet, we’re also pleased knowing that He is now in a far better and happier place.



We already miss him when he was still in Saudi working, how much more now that he’s gone forever? I never really thought this would happen to us this early on. And I never really imagined that it would be this painful.
   


So this is what it’s like.



For the first half of the year, Jay and I have been busy preparing and gathering all them documents needed by the Canadian Embassy for our spousal sponsorship. We have submitted the complete application package by July. And until now, there hasn’t been any reply yet from them. We’re not certain if this paper mill is getting anywhere. Anyway, Hon went home last May to be there for me when my dad’s remains arrive but unfortunately, his job entails him to be back after three weeks. So we just spent his entire vacay having fun doing things together and even exploring Palawan. We have been in pure bliss making the most of each moment.



Being apart for more than two years now and not knowing when shall we be reunited is a battle we’re currently facing. We deem that this will not be an easy road but we never also expect that it would be this hard.



So this is what it’s like.



Along with all the stress and shit as I took up Nursing, I acquired a number of diseases with the likes of migraine, hyperacidity, mild scoliosis and allergic rhinitis. But they’re all minor compared to my problems with regards to my reproductive system. I nursed and treated myself with the OCP that my OB gave me. And with God’s grace, I was healed. I was cleared of everything and I am geared up to make my own li’l bundles of joy.



For a while, I was scared to go under the knife or worse, be not able to experience the high and hell of motherhood. But once more, I am reminded that there is our good Lord who is constantly there to be my most unswerving Physician with His redeeming love and blessings. I am whole again.



So this is what it’s like.    



After passing the Board Exam and IELTS and even after the controversy that our batch has dealt with, I opted not to work even if I have all the easy access to a few hospitals and schools here in the South. So by choice, I had been a professional bum with partying and boozing as my key daily chores. I was tagged as the “Pambansang Kaibigan” for never failing to be there to any get-togethers, out-of-town-trips and events. Everyday is a petix mode for me.



All my life I’ve always been the responsible, nerdy and diligent type-o-individual. So when I tried being the opposite, I knew that I will also be good at it being the people-person that I am. And surely, you’ll never become old and wise if you aren’t young and crazy.



So this is what it’s like.



I never wanted to be a nurse. I completed the course and passed the local exam all because my dad wanted it for me. Believe it or not, I’m not after the Benjamin’s. I’m not after being rich and well-off. I’m not even after going to the land of milk and honey. I just want to do things I enjoy the most but of course, not to the extent of being happy yet hungry. Coz I also want the best for my family and future kids. Moolah is still a biggie in order to survive.



Life is not wired for us to get everything we want. We can never have it all in this nasty world. So we tend to do things even if it’s against our will. I took Part 3 and 5 of the NLE. The results will definitely come out on the next month or so. I honestly don’t care anymore. Passed or not, I’m still a nurse. It’s just that I can’t work in US of A. And. It. Doesn’t. Matter. At. All. What’s meant to be will always find its way. I am in my most apathetic and nonchalant state right now. Ergo, I don’t give a shit.



So this is what it’s like.



Being a social butterfly has perks. More than all the freebies, its utmost plus side is the people you meet and the friendship you reap after. Somewhere all between our loud laughs, long talks, petty fights, and little jokes, I fell in love with their never-a-dull-moment-company. The nights that turned into mornings and these friends who turned into families. I’ll live for them nights I won’t remember with these people I’ll never forget.   



But it's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew and when someone you love becomes someone you hate. I gained some friends, yet also lost some. I tried my best to win them back, though. Except that my efforts are futile. It’s a must-agree that the only people you need in your life are the only ones that need you in theirs. And that there's a good reason why people in our past weren't able to make it in our future. I’m hurting yet starting to get used to it.



So this is what it’s like. 



I love travelling. I love to skip and hop from one place to another, getting to know its people and its culture. If others find it downright scary to move out from their comfort zone, well, count me out. This year, I was blessed to have that chance to set off to PALAWAN, MINDORO, BOHOL, BATANGAS and of course, MANILA. Indeed, it was a very informative and enjoyable experience.



For each place I've been to, I've left a chunk of my heart on it. Memories that can never be replaced by anything. It gave another meaning to the simple things this life has to offer. Playing tourist to these wonderful places made me swollen with pride to be a true-blue Pinay. I promised to continue this Lakbay-Pilipinas on the coming year. Prolly Bacolod, Davao, Baguio, Camiguin and Siargao will be next in my list. Loving it that I am learning to live for moments that I can't put into words. Coz I'm now old enough to know better yet still too young to care.



So this is what it's like.                        



As I quote my good friend, Drei “Cebu is a small town with big drama.” Everything here is an issue. And for a partying married woman like me, you can expect a truckload. One can never be spared to being judged at. That’s why I am loving Manila more. And which also explains why I often take a hiatus and get a breather from all them shit.



A few can only be au fait with what I am going through right
now. Some can even recognize where I’m coming from. And I appreciate it a lot. And it’s true: From the outside looking in you can never understand it; from the inside looking out you can never explain it. I am moved and stirred up.



So this is what it’s like.



This year has not really been good to me. I never stopped from wishing that one day I’ll wake up from this nightmare. And see things back as they used to be.
 


As always, I will never plan nor promise to change anything. But I will carry on to be that stupid crazy girl with her hopes too high and feelings much too strong about everything. Just so I could feel that life in me.



I would also want to always be remembered as the girl who smiles even when her heart is broken, and that one who could brighten your day even if she couldn't brighten her own. I will stop sipping “HATErade” and jog on to my memory that happiness is a journey, not a destination.



Someday everything will make perfect sense. And maybe, just maybe there's an iota of truth when they say sometimes things must fall apart in order for other things to fall into place. So for now, I will laugh at all the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding myself that "everything absofuckinglutely happens for a reason."



NOTE TO SELF: I am getting more numb by the minute. And this is what I call a tragedy.




HAPPY NEW YEAR TO Y’ALL!!


-- January, 2007 --
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Chet Villahermosa

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This is a must-share and a must-read. I am pretty sure that most of you can relate with this.
 
 
Here is the winning piece of my oration coach, Ms. Ainul Yaqiin M. Mabaning a.k.a. Ate Noche, during the GTAC ’98 International Speech contest, which also made me the Interschool Centennial Oratorical Champion when I was a senior high school. Making it really close to my heart.
 
 
****************************************************

 
The Youth and You
 
 
 
The worst danger facing the younger generation is the example set by the older generation.    
 
 
I was raised to believe that RESPECT is due to the generation of my grandparents. TRUST, is to be given to the generation of my parents, but, what about the generation in which I belong to?
 
 
Our generation, better known as the Generation X, has been branded to be the most difficult, confusing and hair raising group of people ever to have set foot on earth. We get angry looks of disappointment and we even hear unsatisfied comments on things we worked hard on, and if ever we are recognized, the glory of it all doesn’t stay long, because, something has to come up, which once again wins the vocal and strong “dislike” of our predecessors, be it big or small.
 
 
I admit it. Our generation has negative attitudes. We tend to go farther than enough, we choose risks to safety and we even dare challenge tradition. There also seems to be this feeling of invulnerability and immortality common to all youth.
 
 
The arrival of our generation has indeed created a new era of chaos and misunderstanding, which could have been avoided had the circumstances surrounding us been carefully analyzed. We do not need a “generation gap” to define the friction between both generations. Because, for as long as we are doubted and overly-criticized, there shall never be an end to the lack of harmony, therefore making it harder to unite both age groups.
 
 
We, the youth of today, have the disadvantage of having too many advantages. We have education, technology, the will, and the immense amount of courage to stand up, take action and fight back at anyone’s account. We have the ability to gain or lose as fast as we please. We were given the gift of bridging the past to the present, then, making it easier for us to stop history from repeating itself.
 
 
We are well on our way to the future and we need you. All we ask from you, our elders is a little bit of compassion. Do not blame us for society’s downfall. After all, we are not the leaders of the society. Do not reprimand us for the noisy music and weird dance steps executed by our peers. Do not scold us for the hanging, long hairstyles popularized not by us, but by the hippies of the 1960’s. Most of all, do not judge us on what we wear, what we say and for what we are. Rather, judge us on our efforts to be as mature as you want us to be and for who we are.
 
 
We haven’t gone halfway through life, yet we are already discouraged and sentenced to a future of confusion and disaster, not of compromise and success.
 
 
All we need is guidance, not for you to condemn us. If we are shunned today, what will happen to us tomorrow? Who will we trust? And if you believe that we are the leaders of tomorrow, then would you want us to shape the future nation’s values in a way that disregards trust?
 
 
Yes, at times we are problems. Delinquency, unwanted pregnancies, drug abuse and many others have members of our generation for their victims. But why are we the most talked about and rejected issue? Why do you go out of your way to publicly disgrace us? Terrorism, nuclear wars, and the decay of the earth’s atmosphere are at large and yet, little steps are taken to prevent these. Does this mean that we are the easy targets because we are younger? People who wonder where this generation is headed will do better if they consider where it came from.
 
 
Ladies and gentlemen, we are not looking for anyone to blame. There is not much time for that anymore. All we want you to know is that being the youth of today is not that easy. We were born with the responsibility to live up to the expectations of all who came before us and yet, we still have to cope up with the rapid changes around us. Our task is two-fold. We didn’t ask for it. We were the ones chosen.
 
 
As shocking as it may seem to some, the news is, we too are humans. We eat, breathe, crave and suffer like you. We feel, cry, grieve and laugh like you. We too love Art and Sports. We have the same intellectual capacities. The only difference I can see is in the standards both our generations have.
 
 
Do not condemn us, guide us. Do not hate us. If you cannot love us, then, understand us and we too will do the same.
 
 
For the youth is like water gently protected and sheltered in the palm of your hands. You have to position it just right. Open it to its fullest measure and it falls down. Close it too tightly and the water slips away. Question is, would you want us to slip away?
 
 
******************************************************              

Sooo true eh? With bursting emotions, I delivered this speech in front of more than a hundred people in the Diplomatic’s Quarter. It was timely then, since I was still a teen in a subversive stage with raging hormones wanting to always do things on my own.
 
 
I have much respect and love for the writer of this piece, who has not only been a mentor, but also a good friend to me. She can speak for us with a great deal of truth and reason. Miss you, ‘te Noch!
 
 
Ergo, try to stomp on us, to douse our inner flame.
Try to squash every ounce of beauty within us.
YOU WON'T SUCCEED!
Coz by God, we want what we want!
 
 
And if you can’t handle us at our worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve us at our best. We were given this life coz we were strong enough to live it. You can say anything about us as you please. But we are what we are and that’s something that you can never be.
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Chet Villahermosa

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How would you feel if somebody has your life in his bare hands? How would you feel if a group of people decides on your future? How would you feel if an institute has possession of your own dreams?
 
 
Second to being lied at or to be cheated on or be played as a fool, I totally have an aversion to be dictated upon. I LOATHE IT. That’s why I feel at my best when I am the leader. I can be a team player but not so good as a follower.
 
 
If you tell me to do this or go in that course, you would see me setting off in the opposite direction. Ako na siguro ang taong may pinakamatigas na ulo na makikilala ninyo. I always want things to be my way.
 
 
Kaya siguro tinuturuan ako ng leksyon ngayon.
 
 
And I’m learning it the hard way. And even facing it in a coarse path. Sad. But true.
 
 
Kaya siguro madalas napapahamak ako.
 
 
Then I’m still taking it with a groping heart. Silly me.
 
 
Kaya siguro hindi ako masaya.
 
 
Coz I am constantly defying the rules and refusing to comply. Despite of the fact that it’s the last straw for me.
 
 
We are wired to obey. Our lives are tailored to adhere to laws and in the process, come to grips with a far more Superior Being. But human as we are, we argue with the truth and contest with the just. Which is wide of the mark, as we all know.
 
 
Pagod na ako. Pagod na pagod na.
 
 
If I could just breathe, take a stride, run like hell and never look back, I would do it in a heartbeat. Given the choice and the chance, I badly want to move on. Yet I can’t even take a single step. Coz it is THEM who will wrap it up for us.
 
 
Or maybe it is HIM who really is the absolute Decision-Maker. The One who wrote my life. And that same Being who got them all mapped out.
 
 
I am on the last stage of the Grieving Process --- Acceptance. I am wholeheartedly submitting to the Lord’s will. I am surrendering my life back to Him. I am saying hello to PLAN B.
 
 
Then again, I must admit that it’s definitely difficult to wait around for something that may never happen. But it’s even harder to give it up especially when it’s everything you’ve ever wanted.
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Employment
  • West Contacts Services Inc.
    Reports Specialist, present
  • Cebu Doctors' University
    Clinical Instructor, 2008 - 2011
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Introduction
Registered NURSE. Teacher. Reports Specialist. Athlete. Cam-whore. Accessory Addict. Net-freak. Sweet tooth. Movie-buff. Voyager. Risk-taker. Life-lover. A fan of Jesus and His wonderful work in progress.
Education
  • Cebu Doctors' University
    Master of Arts in Nursing, 2008 - 2010
  • Cebu Doctors' University
    BS Nursing, 2002 - 2006
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Chet