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valeri bonchev
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valeri bonchev

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Got a Voice mail today from Comcast and this is what it was about...
 http://www.speedtest.net/my-result/3646376857 "Free" upgrade of my internet service... impressive, but you still need to fix a thing or two...

#Comcast  
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valeri bonchev

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Lol..
 
How the Comcast-Time Warner deal will really go down.

(via +Phil Johnson: http://goo.gl/Gpul9h)
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valeri bonchev

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Oh, man.... this answers it all!
Now I know why every second person is a lawyer. It don't take much apparently.
 
My buddy +Kim Beasley shared this on Facebook, and it is waaay too hilarious to not share with you all.  I don't know how court reporters manage to maintain their bearing when things like this are happening in the courtroom, but there's no way I could do it.
----------------------------------------------

HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_____________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
__________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

____________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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valeri bonchev

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Lol and throw that load balancer it it too.
 
I don't always test my code, but when I do, I do it in production. #NotTrue   #Funny  
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Hilarious!
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Happy New Year!!! 
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valeri bonchev

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The first good use of the hybrid technology.... Cant wait for The Stig's lap!
#topgearuk  
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Perfection !!! When are you going to top this ? +Honda 
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Hmmm man made but who mane the man?
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Awesome!!!
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So KOOL, especially the surprise ending...:-)
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ROFL
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What you want? I am a parrot.... 
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People
In their circles
80 people
Have them in circles
70 people
chelsea clovis's profile photo
Ioana Damas's profile photo
elitsa tsankova's profile photo
Shawn Forler's profile photo
mahendra bhandare's profile photo
Michael Kummer's profile photo
Michael Ronald Rice's profile photo
Perica R's profile photo
TADA - Cars and Jobs's profile photo
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