Three out of four of the Colts' footballs were below the regulations according to one of the two gauges used.
If that is you in the picture, I would disagree that you look like a child molester. You do not look anything like the 19 and counting child molester, IMO.
By the way, the Guiness Book of World Records states that a Russian woman had 69 verified kids. Now THAT would make a good TV series!