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Really, though, you probably paid a woman to take his balls away.  Vets are predominantly female these days.  And 60% awesomer.

PS.  Where the hell did he find frozen cat poop?  Can't find it for love or money out here.  And I've tried.  Both.
"petunias are the best! dumps are the best!" geez, i think this every day and i don't even own a dog
Hilariously dead-on. Now I'm going to go cry. You should write for Pixar.
Don K
"One man human centipede." Thou hath slain me, Mr. Oats. XD
I feel the same, just replace 'dog' with 'cat'. I'm afraid of the moment my cats will die :(, but I love every moment I spend with them.
now i wanna go home and play with my dog. :3
Hits home. Just two months ago we had to put our sweetest little Jack Russel down. Hardest thing I had to ever do. The last time she walked on her own was to walk in the room where I was to be next to me. :'(
OMG (still ROFL tears streaming!)  :D
I don't own a pet, but I approve of this message :D
Beautiful sentiments.
It's sooo funny, yet sad ... mixed emotions :)
Though I don't appreciate dogs as you do, I really loved this comic :D
Kit doesn't live in the cold part of the world where that stuff is just lying around in wintertime...
Reminds me of my first girlfriend.  We broke up... for obvious reasons.
+Matthew Inman Fantastic. You really need to put up an actual picture of your dog after that.
Wow that was a craugh (cry/laugh). Lost my pup early this year. They are heart breakers but they also bring your heart so much joy and so many smiles. Wish they could live forever. Best.
I want to know how the dog got ahold of frozen cat shit to eat in the first place, +Matthew Inman. That sounds exceptionally suspicious.
This explains dogs perfectly.
Where does he find frozen, thawed and warm cat shit, btw? O.o
Different times of the year on the ground? Why is this so hard to understand? ;-)
Thoughtful, funny, sentimental and genuine. What all comics should strive to be!
+David Galloway - Because in my town, we actually clean up after our animals and it's not anywhere as apparently easy to find in your area around winter? ;-)

Which raises the next question: Guy's letting him eat it?
A dog comic, +Matthew Inman ? You sellout! =) Edit: Damn, I should have read the comic before. I hope your dog is alive and well, man.
I've never owned a dog. That made me kind of sad and happy at the same time...
i love dogs but i dont want to keep one
what ? it poops everywhere and stuff!
Manly tears. I'm not even a dog person but this was awesome and heartfelt. And somehow makes me appreciate my dog even more.
Good one Matthew.  Made me larf, made me cry.
Aww, this was so sweet! I want my dog now :( but I'm overseas doing my master degree :(
Wow! Nicely done! This is my first time to read one of your comics and certainly not the last! Going to be up for a while reading your stuff. :)
I miss all my dogs but my horse was also amazing. He loved to out drink the bikers, chow down more grass than the stoners, and he owned me. We went where he wanted and did what he decided to do. He was fifteen years old when he came into my life and he stayed with me twenty-one years. I so wish I had the Tardis so I could be with him again.  
My dogs 12 years old...... hes getting old and still acts like he's 2.....
A dog is the only thing that will ever love you more than he loves himself.
this makes me want more pluses to give
I must now refer to all my human friends as "friendbeasts."
I just spent the weekend camping and hiking alone with my 6 year old lab mix. He's my running partner, my protector, and my companion. He's also constantly whining, panting, and shedding and his breath smells like a fish left in a diaper.

That said, I will be gutted when he dies. He was the only one with me throughout my father dying, my divorce, and the failure of my business. Thank you for reminding me that for all the hassles, gag-inducing habits, and expenses, every day with Jake is a gift. Cheers.
This may be his best ever.  Bravo!
I teared up a little because it's true. They give us such love, and such shit, and it's all worth it because they do love us so much.
I am not a cricket! :)
Just read this at work, expecting humor only...   Fortunately nobody walked by, but we clearly need a better NSFW ratings system to include tear-jerkiness.
and also do not add me in ur circles cuz i don't know u :) thnx!
Matt, you've nailed it once again. Nice job!
I've often wondered if there has ever been a smell that a dog did not like.  To my dogs, all smells are either fantastic or extremely interesting.  Or at worst, only moderately interesting.  But nothing smells bad.  Nothing.
i was trying soooo hard to hold in my laughter. Then I started crying... but then snort-laughed at "..And things to pee on!!"... Sorry, cubicle-neighbor. 
this is awesome... after 10 minutes reading his stuff... i love him:)
I still love him and he still loves me after I paid for his ummm....weight loss, lol!
So after getting home I read this article on the couch.  The whole time my dog is spinning in circles trying to lay on my feet.
mother of god i'm crying and laughing at the same time WTF!!!!
My dog is the same way. Wakes me up at 4am to go outside and then just stands there and stares at me. 
This was super awesome, good sir!
+Matthew Inman Hey man, I've read and laughed at you comics a thousand times. I didn't laugh at this one, but is my favorite. Beautiful. Long live Rambo!
Well ur dog needs to lose sum weight for one but now he should be the spokesdog for the obesity thing
Damn it who's cutting up onions around here???
hahaha... awesome man... you just did it again :)
Aw man I'm sorry about your pup. {{Hugs}}
Dammit sir! Now I miss my brace of huskies! The evil exwifebeast has them now; god help 'em.
That was a good one. Thanks for the laughs.
Nice strip.

I'm doing my part to keep the crickets away.
I miss my dog and my friend's dog, but that did make me laugh.
Sorry for the loss. Thanks for the laughs and tears. 
+Daniel Grieves  Has your dog ever smelled skunk? My neighbor's dogs found it distasteful. So did the neighbor. They finally built a fence to keep their dogs away from the skunks that roam my property. The skunks never bothered my dogs.  
Greast Oatmeal comic ever. So damn true. Loved it.
Laughed so loud I scared my kids (my dog ignored me), then cried.
a paradox is where you park your boats
Laughed til I cried. Then hugged my great dane.
You've made me laugh and cry in one strip. Awesome stuff.
Brilliant - thanks for sharing!
if you locked your wife and your dog in the trunk of a car... when you opened the trunk who would be the happiest to see you?

I love dogs... lol this was perfect
This is so great. It makes me want to go home and hug my dog for being exactly the same
+Bart Bechtel, get a dog for yr wife, its a fair trade... :))
Fantastically funny and accurate, reminds me of my own dogs and their simple yet weird logic. They are so much better than ppl in so many ways, it reminds me of that old.saying "dogs are the family we choose for ourselves" bless!
Geez, I better get go rid of that dog before he gets old and croaks.
<chill, it's a cold-heartedness joke>
Get another one and then you'd have a real paradogs.
That was so good. Funny and sentimental.
Rick B
I think your dog might be a hamster.
So funny. My dog would not pick up another dogs toy until he'd peed on it first. i guess that sealed the transaction.
+Kit Malone are you the kind of person who freaks out when you find cat poop in the fridge? What about a human foot?
laughed for such a long time......   hahahahahahahahaha  :) :) :) :)
My dog stared at his empty bowl while I read and laughed at this. Fed up with me, he put his paw in the bowl and shot it across the kitchen floor.
Hey guys so I'm kind of new at this so can you guys tell me whats going on here?
Son of a gun! Just got home and my dog feels like crap! Threw up all over the house! Dang You Oatmeal!
That dog look verry2 funny,...
Hyyyy,..Lanaisha how are you today,.?? are you okey,.??
A friend of mine cried when she saw this as she just lost her dog yesterday.
She loved it. 
hi dear, do you to spend one night with me ? in Sydny
i am out of my home since 0ct 2011
i am home sick
Hilarious and so true! Don't know what I would do without my dogs
died laughing at some of those frames, great job!
This is awesome, and I am a cat person. I laughed so hard!
The beginning of this made me laugh, and by the end I was almost crying. That can't say anything good about me. . . think I'm going to go hug my dog lol.
+Matthew Inman , you nailed it with this one!
In the past your comics have made me laugh until I cry, but now I only cried... Thank you Matt for bringing back memories. Rest In Peace Bonzo.
Oh my god, that's hilarious. I almost crapped my pants I was laughing so hard.
no comment on eating shoes? He'll ignore his foodbowl, but chew on the new shoe like its made of honey and meat!
Aww, thinking of my dog now. He's showing that he's aging and it's so sad :c
Anyway. This comic really represents our spontaneous companions quite wonderfully. Love it :3
I hate dogs.  Watched a kid get his face chewed off by a German Shepard when I was 4-5 while flying a kite with my Dad.  My Dad chased the dog off, picked up the kid, and ran to the hospital, and left me with the kite and a lifetime of worry that the dog was coming back for me.  But after reading this, I really kinda want a dog...
All i can think of is... The first thing we learn of comics are that thoughts have bubbles that are indirect and sayings, and when something is said is connected directly to the mouth... I have no life, sorry Matt
Fantastic story...Hilariously on point!, thanks for the laughs...
beautifully done! this makes me miss my old dog but also celebrate the relationship that I had with her
Holy crap, so funny and SO true! Dogs, truly man's best friend.
I recognised my dog on almost every fact you say about yours (except for the eating shit thing). He's a golden, 9 year-old bobtail boxer and my best buddy. Love you, you lazy furry bastard.
Aww the end bit is really sad.... its true though, you get used to them being there in your life.
The frame that reminded me of my dog the most: "Hey wake up. I gotta go stand in the yard and sniff things instead of peeing."
Dogs are awesome.
my giant goofy dog thinks that the house rabbit is her puppy. and the little bunny is totally convinced she is as well.
Our dog thinks he's a cat. We found him sitting on a windowsill...outside (3rd floor!). Also, he's afraid of horses and can't see a bicycle heading towards him.
Good comic, reminds me of "Tales of mere existence" series by Levni Yilmaz
Esa Vav
Please add me...
That made me smile especially the: "Hey wake up. I gotta go stand in the yard and sniff things instead of peeing" 
Ah so true. Dogs are pretty awesome!
you fuckin' bastard!!! you made me weep!
Neha Pd
That was great! :D
Oh god, this is all so true. Man I laughed till I cried this morning reading this.
Ugh, so true. I can't think of a single thing inaccurate about this. -- lick ass, lick face, lick ass, lick face, lick shit, lick face.
That made me tear up at the end. May Rambo live thousand years, indeed. Hopefully not "a thousand years of darkness," of course.
Hah! A dog called Rambo! You're killing me, Matt, ´cause that´s so funny!
Mike J.
Some mornings, I find out that one of the cats was sick because one of the dogs is in the hall, eating cat vomit, pretty much immediately after I open the door.
Yes, this same dog just loooves to lick your face...
My condolences +Matthew Inman, I loved it even when the sadness hit halfway through, when I feared what may have happened.

If he could have spoken your name he would still have called you Friendbeast, they have their own way of loving us.

Take care.
I laughed so hard people came a agathering, so back to the top and laughter ahoy.  Many smiles to many people. Our sympathy and our thanks.  I agree with Joseph (above), Friendbeast you are.
Thanks Matthew, you had me chuckling in little lung spasms yet again. Good, inspired comic man :)
Crude, as always with The Oatmeal, but oh-so-accurate. I laughed, I cried.
this made my coworker laugh so hard she started crying!!! thanks for being awesome!
A poster I am definitely buying. We lost the last of our Three German shepherds this year, (mother, son and daughter) and are currently dogless, but this comic reminds us not only of the dogs that we have had and lost, but also why we will never be dogless for too long. I once had the stupid idea to add some salad bits into the three dogs dinner dishes.... After about 5 minutes I wandered in to see if they had finished and it looked like someone had broke in and planted a bomb and covered it with salad.... Salad explosion... Everything else in their dishes had been eaten though.
This is why you've almost attained status as "Righteous Dude" in my book.
Aww such a lovely dedication.
One sheep two sheep three sheep
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