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NewsThump
1,263 followers -
Satirical news and current affairs from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to literally believe anything we write, you idiot.
Satirical news and current affairs from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to literally believe anything we write, you idiot.

1,263 followers
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Abhorrent dickheads intent on a holy war against non-Muslims are getting a lot of help today from another bunch of abhorrent dickheads calling for basically the same thing.

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Moody 14-year-old, Jack Williams, has insisted that he hates you and is refusing to leave his room, claiming to anyone that will listen that he is being detained against his will.

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The dramatic fall in the value of the pound the day after the EU referendum was entirely caused by the decision of Tottenham Hotspur to pay £11m for Victor Wanyama, according to the Prime Minister.

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45-year-old Simon Williams has insisted that as a licence fee payer the biased BBC should agree with him on absolutely everything.

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The family of late President Richard Nixon are said to be relieved that someone is finally taking over the mantle as the go-to reference for political corruption.

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Regional journalists in areas to be visited by Theresa May have been warned never to make eye contact and to avoid any sudden questions that could be deemed 'aggressive'.

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The Conservatives have announced an election promise to control energy prices, which is in no way similar to Labour's proposal to control energy prices during the 2015 general election.

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France is a country evenly divided, according to a man who has spent the last year telling anyone who voted to Remain that they lost and should get over it.

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Members of the alt-right have been left confused this morning after France failed to become an Islamic caliphate overnight.

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Marine Le Pen has lost the French presidential election so badly, that she has been granted honorary status as a UKIP candidate.
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