Start a hangout
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Works at University of Essex
Attended University of Essex
Lives in Essex
445 followers|192,923 views
This book is a collection of twelve individual, satirical monologues drawn from the author's own personal experiences. The subject matter ranges from the highs and lows of joining an online dating site, battling with the unwelcome symptoms of the menopause and meeting up with an old friend for coffee to studying for a degree at the University of Essex as a mature student and taking up the challenges of being a poll clerk for local, general and Police Commissioner elections. Her humorous writing style tells her stories as if she is speaking to the reader directly, while also giving an amusing insight into what's going on in her head at the time.
#kindle #ebook #satire
#kindle #ebook #satire
- University of EssexSociology
50 is the new 40!
I left school in 1978 with very few qualifications. After raising my children I decided to 'better myself' and I completed an Access course at Colchester Institute. I then completed a sociology degree at The University of Essex (graduated 2008). I'm currently working part time as a marketing administrator for a counselling service http://www.lifeforce-centre.co.uk
I also volunteered in my local British Heart Foundation shop once a week until September 2013. http://www.bhf.org.uk/
I enjoy visiting other countries. So far I've been to Southern Ireland (Cork), Italy (Turin), Amsterdam (3 times), Portugal (Albufeira), Madeira (Machico), Cyprus (Paphos) Lanzarote (Puerto Del Carmen - twice), Corfu (Sidari - 3 times) Tenerife (Playa de las Americas), Gran Canaria (Puerto Rico / Amadores) and Fuerteventura.
I've spent many years tracing my family tree. I've so far managed to get back to 1791 on both maternal and paternal lines.
Over the years I’ve seen a wide variety of artistes, including:
Joe Brown and the Bruvvers (Various venues)
David Essex (Charter Hall, Colchester)
Bad Manners (Various venues)
Mud (Charter Hall, Colchester)
T-Rextacy (Charter Hall, Colchester)
Robert Plant (University of Essex)
Slade - minus Noddy Holder! (Charter Hall, Colchester)
Showaddywaddy (Charter Hall, Colchester)
Suzi Quatro (Charter Hall, Colchester)
Anastacia (Wembley Arena)
Steve Harley (Colchester Arts Centre)
Gordon Giltrap (Colchester Arts Centre)
Glen Tilbrook (Colchester Arts Centre)
Otis Grand (Colchester Arts Centre)
Dr Feelgood (Various venues)
The Stranglers (Braintree Rock)
Helen Shapiro (Westcliff Theatre, Clacton)
Richard Digance (Mercury Theatre, Colchester)
Bucks Fizz - Not intentional! (Pontins Hemsby)
Ed Tudor Pole (2004?)
Neville Staple (2004?)
The Levellers ‘Drunk in Public’ (Walton-on-the-Naze)
Another (more recent) memorable concert was on 5th December 2003 when I saw the amazing Sir Bob Geldof at Charter Hall in Colchester.
MY LIKES INCLUDE:
Blues / Rock from decent bands in general,
Dylan Moran (Black Books is an all time comedy classic),
Pandas / Gorillas / Orang Utangs,
Old British comedies like Fawlty Towers,
Cheese & onion crisps (I'm weaning myself off my addiction),
Ylang ylang (smell),
Running through dry autumn leaves kicking them about (big kid),
The feel of satin and/or leather,
Being on a beach (sound & smell of the sea),
Colchester Castle Park in the spring/summer,
Frosty mornings (when spider webs look like lace),
Gothic architecture / Victorian architecture,
Ponds & streams,
Snowdrops & bluebells,
Historical stuff (living in Colchester I'm spoilt for choice!),
The colours of autumn (reds through to pale yellows),
A long soak in the bath,
White wine rather than red,
Old sepia photographs,
Michael Palin (the man can do no wrong),
Playing Pooh Sticks on a small bridge,
Watching bees around lavender,
Microwave ovens (a godsend),
Magnolia trees (in full bloom),
Thatched cottages and dry stone walls,
Flying a kite,
Vanilla flavoured coffee,
Fossil-hunting on beaches (never was one for sunbathing),
Candles rather than lights,
The first cup of PG tips of the day (and 2nd / 3rd / 4th.....),
The reflection of the moon on water,
Watching bubbles floating in the air,
My electric under blanket when I come in from the cold after a night out,
Running across fresh snow,
Freshly cut grass (smell),
Exploring in woods,
Irish accent (soft not brash),
Daffodils (first sign of spring),
African / tribal music.
MY DISLIKES INCLUDE:
Heights (especially high bridges over water),
Country Music (all dead dogs & divorces),
Folk music (will tolerate Bluegrass to a point),
Karaoke (under no circumstances will I tolerate it),
Pop Idol (and similar),
Big Brother (and similar),
Soap Operas (walk a mile in MY shoes!),
Mince Pies (or anything in pastry as a rule),
Girlie conversations about shoe shopping, babies and boyfriends,
People who don't bother to vote but whinge about the Govt,
Beggars who are just con artists,
People who moan about being fat while stuffing cake down their throats,
Kung Fu films,
Being in a car with heater on & windows shut (get badly travel sick),
People so far up their own ar*e they can't laugh at themselves,
The taste of ginger,
Spam e-mail (if I want p*rn I'm quite capable of finding it myself!),
Jehovah Witnesses (or any religious group hassling me on my own doorstep),
Gnats (for reasons unknown they love to feast on me),
The fact I have no sense of direction (I'm one of life's permanently lost people),
Christenings (taking away a person's freedom of choice when they are too young to object),
Goldfish as prizes at funfairs (should be illegal),
Christmas stuff in shops in August!
Being in a confined space for too long (I get cabin fever),
Statistics (I have number dyslexia!),
Board games (get out more!),
The smell of cigarettes, cigars & pipe tobacco,
Line dancing (in God's name…..WHY?!)
This is my favourite poem of all time.
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
In 2008 I graduated with a BA (Hons) in sociology from The University of Essex.
My first year courses for 2005-6 were:
Introduction to health and human sciences
Researching social life I
Sociology and the modern world: Sociological analysis I
My courses for 2006-7 were:
Continuity & Controversy in Sociology : Sociological Analysis II
Researching Social Life II
Health, Illness & Society
British Culture and Society in the 20th Century
I also completed a course entitled The Psychosocial Study of Disability during the autumn term of 2006.
I was diagnosed with dyslexia in my second year!
My 3rd and final year courses were:
Current Disputes In Sociology : Sociological Analysis III.
Media, Culture and Society.
Race, Class and Gender.
3rd Year Project:(My dissertation)"What were women’s experiences at Davey, Paxman and Company during World War Two, and what impact did the presence of women workers have on the firm?".
Graduated from The University of Essex aged 46!!
Always looking for ad-hoc / temporary / part-time work in Colchester...
- University of EssexExams Invigilator, presentI invigilate a variety of exams throughout the year on campus.
- Colchester Borough CouncilPoll Clerk, presentEvery April/May I work as a freelance for the elections office. My tasks include issuing and processing postal votes as well as being a poll clerk on election day.
- LIFE-FORCEMarketing Administrator (part-time), presentGeneral office work and maintaining the business website.
Sudbury, Suffolk - Great Cornard - Sudbury
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