Drinking game for tonight's Republican debate:
Take 1 drink whenever:
- Donald Trump interrupts someone.
- Benghazi or Hillary Clinton's emails are mentioned.
- Jeb Bush or Marco Rubio say something in Spanish.
- Someone says "Christian nation," "traditional marriage," or "family values."
Take 2 drinks whenever:
- John Kasich actually gets to speak.
- Anyone says "I'm not a scientist" before rejecting overwhelming scientific consensus about climate change.
- Mike Huckabee takes a hard-line moral stance and/or jokes about sexual harassment.
- Ben Carson or Rand Paul refer to themselves as "outsiders."
- Obama is referred to as the "worst president for __."
- Anyone uses the line "You're fired."
Finish your drink:
- Someone takes a shot at one of the seven candidates not even on stage.
- Donald Trump offers to pay one of the other candidates to stop running.
- Ted Cruz shuts down the entire debate to show his version of good governing.
- Chris Christie is late because of traffic.
- Reagan and Jesus are mentioned in the same sentence.
- Anyone says anything so mind-bogglingly sexist, racist, or homophobic that it should instantly disqualify them from public office, but instead their poll numbers rise.
- The moderator announces that they too are running for president.
Anything that I missed?