Honest Movie Synopses:
Star Wars: A New Hope
A blond guy accidentally opens an email forwarded to him, supposedly from his sister, Princess Cinnabon, urgently asking for his buddy's help. His buddy, a magic hobo, then tells him he's a special boy, and whisks him into the sky to confront his latent daddy issues and help him hook up with his sister ("I'm bored. Put on this space blindfold. It's time for your 'training.'"). Along the way, they become frenemies with Cowboy Jones and his yodeling space bear, and go to break into Very Important Bad Person's (VIBP) mansion.
It turns out VIBP is awake, possibly because he forbade his interior decorators from using color, possibly because he's asthmatic, but more likely because he made Princess Cinnabon cry when he blew up her house. He catches them with a magic space lasso. Darn. Cinnabon and the Frenemies jump into, then out of, sexual tension. Princess Cinnabon and the Frenemies then jump into, and out of, a giant dumpster. The magic hobo swordfights with VIBP because guns are for wusses, then loses on purpose because he wants to be a ghost.
VIBP puts a GPS tracker on Cowboy Jones' car, follows it, and shoots up their house, killing a lot of
redshirts orangeshirts. In return, Blond Guy blows up VIBP's house, probably with the cunning use of amphetamines. Everyone gets an award except for Space Bear.