Nothing More, Nothing Less
Audra Mahon, Division 3, College junior #ws18e-s2d3

A girl’s first best friend is her mother. She’s everything: a shoulder to cry on, an advice guru, an A+ hugger, and more. You can always trust your mom to love you to bits and pieces, no matter what. She’s the one you can trust to tell you if that wedding dress is actually a dream or a nightmare, and someone to get brunch with every Sunday. My mom was my best friend, and always will be. Even in her absence, the love I have for her grows every day.

I lost my mom when I was 18, just about to graduate high school. Her cancer had resurged for a third time and was too aggressive to beat back with radiation or more chemo. We could only make her comfortable now. When we brought her home for hospice care, she wasn’t fully herself anymore. She didn’t have the strength to speak much, and quite frankly, neither did I. Losing my mom, a best friend who stayed with me through thick and thin, left me too sad for words. But I still stayed with her, coming home from school to do homework by her bed as she slept, until she passed away.

If I had the chance to go back in time, I wouldn’t change anything. I just want one last hug from my mom and to tell her I love her, nothing more, nothing less. I want the knowledge and comfort of letting my mom know how much I love and appreciate her. It would also be nice for her to see how much I’ve grown. She has given me so much strength through her own strength in fighting brain cancer, and I know that everything I want to tell her could be spoken through that one single hug and three important words. Even if I could go back in time, I couldn’t stop my mom from having cancer, nor could I bring her back. A simple hug and an I love you would do. The truth of the matter is that I now realize that I never said it enough, and that I took my best friend for granted. All the years I spent with her, I always thought she’d be around. After all, she promised me that she’d always be around. Losing her was a breaking point for me, but once I rose up from my sorrow I became so much stronger.

It is now my goal every day to do something to make her proud. I am now a much more involved individual in my community, making my mother proud. I volunteer regularly with Campus Kitchen and my local animal shelter, and I raise money with my sorority, Phi Mu, for Children Miracle Network Hospitals. She inspires my creativity as well, as I am also planning to write a short biography about her life. My mother was a beautiful and kind soul, and she gives me the courage to be a better human, to be kinder than I think I can be, and give as much of myself as I can. She may be gone from my life, but I can still see her presence in everything I am and everything I do.

I don’t need to change anything about my life. It’s a tragedy that I lost my mother, but it is not something I can change. Even if I can go back to the past, I’m not endowed with the cure for cancer, nor can I change the fact that she became sick. I can only cherish the memories I have with her, and keep her memory sacred during the times I miss her the most. Though, there are still times a hug would be much more than enough. Nothing more, nothing less than a hug from my best friend.
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