Internal Battle
Glory Hall, Division 2, 12th grade #ws17e-s1d2

I would like to say that I do something insanely cool and fun that sets me apart from others, like going sky diving or deep sea fishing. However, I am your typical A student, national honor society member, and orchestra lover typing here. I work incredibly hard to keep up my grades while balancing a marketing internship on top of my long school days. I also try to make time for my friends and family, as my parents have instilled in me the value of keeping up with personal relationships. I eat right, exercise, and try to the best of my ability to be a decent human being, yet what sets me apart from others is my constant battle through an internal struggle of learning how to love myself. I go through 3 steps every day to strengthen my value of self-worth.

In my opinion, it is incredibly hard for girls to love themselves. In today’s world, it has become a trend to belittle oneself, constantly think down upon one’s body, and personality traits. The trends and retweets on twitter always feature girls who tweet about how they pride themselves in being overprotective, irrationally jealous, or how they look like potatoes. On Instagram, there are many accounts that feature exercise videos that supposedly encourage young women to live a healthier lifestyle, but the true purpose of the accounts is to feature people who are already fit to show off their toned bodies. Beauty accounts on Instagram further lower women’s self-confidence because they watch videos of women with elaborate makeup styles, and then envy the women on the accounts. It’s easy to forget one’s own beauty and self-worth when one is constantly surrounded by social media, which is always highlighting the glamorous world of makeup, perfect relationships, and perfectly toned bodies. Loving myself sounds like such a simple concept, but it’s one of the hardest things to do.

The first step I take to self-love is forgiving myself of my past mistakes. I have burned bridges down in the past and have regretted it for years. I have started pointless fights with my loved ones just because I couldn’t control my anger, and while I’ve made peace with them, I still beat myself up for my irrational actions. I’ve learned that constantly holding onto past mistakes will hurt me because they will continue to resurface, therefore robbing me of any peace I could find. I acknowledge that I am only human, and no human is perfect all the time. No person has a perfect track record where they haven’t hurt a single soul ever. I believe everyone has baggage from the past, so I can’t let the baggage stop me from growing and learning from my mistakes.

Accepting my flaws and embracing my personal characteristics is another way that I build a relationship with myself. I have always been insecure about my untoned stomach and chest size, and my insecurities are only heightened when I browse social media. There are pictures everywhere of models with perfect stomachs paired with perfectly sized chests. I’m not saying that I rid my phone of all social media platforms, but it’s important that I take pride in myself before I view other people’s picture perfect lives on the internet. I am insecure about my big nose, short height, and acne scars. However, I need to embrace these aspects about myself because these characteristics make me unique and set me apart from everyone else.I am my own cheerleader and make it a priority to find something to compliment about myself daily. I need to accept and love the body I was given. I need to stop putting myself image down, because if I don’t, no matter how many other people may compliment me, I’m not going to believe them. That only hurts myself.

Lastly, I learn to love myself by taking ownership of my own life. There are many travel accounts on the web that feature couples who go to exotic places together. This can lead me to feel like my life inferior compared to the them. If I feel myself starting to think this way, then I change how I am thinking and what I am doing How? I push myself to work towards my goals in order to achieve the life that I’d like to have. I don’t like to sit around and pity myself because my life isn’t as fun or picture perfect as the couples on the web. I try to mold myself into what I want to become.

I know that building up one’s own self-worth sounds like such a simple concept, but it’s one of the hardest things to do. I practice self-acceptance daily. I struggle with loving every single thing about myself. Telling myself that I am loved, special, and unique doesn’t cure me automatically. It takes years of making a conscious effort to think positively. I am no expert at it. This is me though. This is what sets me apart – I fight the fight.
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