Was a very powerful conversation. The part I found the most profound part was in the last part 1:03:00
onwards where Stefan starts talking about how you need to accept that what happened to you in the past is like a movie. It's not interactive. There is no way to change it.
I find it really amazing how people, in there efforts to try and fix the past try and justify their abuse and say that they are trying to or have a good relationship with their abuser in the present even when the abuser doesn't want to take responsibility or even talk about their actions in the past. This is something that is very common in their conversations.
I've been having a conversation lately and came across myself doing this very thing. I told my abuser, I am giving them this chance to help me and themselves. That I really want an ongoing relationship with them but I need answers to some questions. That they will not pay any fine or penalty, not go to gaol, not be yelled at or beaten, not have to face any consequence other than taking personal responsibility. They outright lie, try and minimise things and tell me that they can't remember or just leave the past alone. I've almost given up. I felt good about what I saw as progress but it wasn't just the same dodging and weaving of personal responsibility. I've started look to myself more and ask, why do I remember, why is it important that I keep having to bring it up and create my own answers. The pain of the past is going to be a scar for life, unseen, but I want to let it heal over.