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Tom McGhan
Works at Jay Ray Associates
Lives in Perry Hall, MD
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Tom McGhan

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"I ain't laughed out loud like this, and I've been reading funny stories on G+ for 20 minutes..."
 
Trust me, You want to read this story...
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost… It’s a man thing.
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Tom McGhan

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Anybody besides me waiting for Kerry to walk off the plane coming back, stroll up to a microphone grinning ear-to-ear and waving a piece of paper, then declare "Peace in our time!"
Anybody?
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Thoughts turn to threats that troops try tiptoeing towards Tbilisi tomorrow?
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Tom McGhan

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Got the 'official' e-mail notification from Amazon Prime about the price hike.
My response:   cancelled my Prime Membership.
Vote with your wallets and/or purses, people!
How many Prime cancellations will it take before Bezos recognizes that he duplicated the blunder of NetFlix, and many other shortsighted companies, alienating customers with greed and inflexibility?
Good thing the A-monster doesn't provide phone support!  They would be drowning in vituperation right about now!
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LinkedIn is social media for SERIOUS professionals only...with a few notable exceptions...
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When I first read this, I was half convinced that it was a conservative ploy to make a point.  Turns out it is on the level.  More interesting in the context of current events, it was written years ago.
Still rings true today:  maybe more true than ever, considering the last two weeks of posturing, finger-pointing, and sham.
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Have him in circles
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Tom McGhan

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From the git commit of the Heartbleed fix on April 7th:

"Thanks for Neel Mehta of Google Security for discovering this bug and to Adam Langley {email addy redacted} and Bodo Moeller {email addy redacted} for preparing the fix."

Red, red, go away!
Green, come visit us today:
All our sizes now must stay
Well within the range we say.
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Tom McGhan

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Motives?  What motives?
We don' need no schtinkin' motives!
 
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period. 

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the 
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken was gay. If you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will candle new eggs, file your important nests and balance your chicken inventory. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never lose a chicken crossing the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

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+Ronald Cohn Now THAT'S my idea of a REAL education!  A dream worth dreaming...
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Tom McGhan

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Once it is on the Internet...
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Can you hear me now?
 
NSA Doesn’t Think Parody Shirt is Funny; Wants Sales of it Banned

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http://bit.ly/14NAul3
http://t.co/RAb7dk0oz2
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Have him in circles
631 people
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LazyLaura Maisey's profile photo
Work
Employment
  • Jay Ray Associates
    Chief Cook/Bottlewasher, 1982 - present
  • International Corporate Conspiracy
    Evil Minion, 1963 - 1982
  • Done after only 48 years.
    And about time, too!, 1963 - 2010
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are for other people...
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Only 97.3% as smart as I think I am
Introduction
I'm not old and worn-out:  I'm just pre-owned...like a Mercedes 280SL with 375,000 km on the odometer...

"When you can measure what you are speaking about, and express it in numbers, you know something about it; when you cannot express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meager and unsatisfactory kind; it may be the beginning of knowledge, but you have scarely, in your thoughts, advanced to the stage of science."  — William Thompson, Lord Kelvin

"When in doubt, but only as a last resort, Read The Instructions!"

When children behave incorrectly, the one and only possible explanation is this:  Their parents didn't raise them properly.

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subcontracted to offspring
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Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
Perry Hall, MD
Previously
Cockeysville, MD - Tehran, Iran - Bitburg, Germany - Ubon, Thailand - Yakota, Japan - Killeen, Texas - Albuquerque, NM - Huntsville, AL - Fayetteville, NC - Bethlehem, PA - Stuttgart, BRD - Odenton, MD - Elmendorf, AK - New York, NY - BT, DT, GTTS
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You gotta have _*enormous*_ ARMs!
Don't know what 'Sunshine Grill' Carly went to, but it sure wasn't the one I visit regularly. Super staff, congenial atmosphere, and food quality you would normally only expect from a top-flight high-priced downtown upscale venue. All this, and very reasonable prices close to home. Small wonder that local word-of-mouth is building a substantial loyal following of repeat customers who appreciate the unique combination of advantages Bill and Effie bring to this "Best {non-diner} in Maryland".
• • •
Public - 2 years ago
reviewed 2 years ago
Public - 2 years ago
reviewed 2 years ago
4 reviews
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Terrible food, slow service, my order was mangled and brought out from the kitchen sill incorrect. They refused to correct their error when it was brought to their attention because it was "too late" (boy, I'll say it was...took them FOREVER to bring out the food), and then, to top it all off, refused to accept my credit card even though they display the logo decal on their entrance door for the credit card company. First they said the card was "invalid" (loudly, in front of an entire table of other customers!!!) Then after I called the 800 number on _my_ cell phone minutes and had them speak to the account person, they claimed their machine was "down". The credit card company instructed them to process the charge manually, so they changed their story now, it was "too much trouble" to process the charge manually. Much aggravation followed. Now the story became "we don't accept D******r cards". I asked them why they continued to display the logo on their door if they don't, but of course they had no answer. Ultimately, another call to Dxxxxxxr, again on _my_ cell phone minutes, they were told (for the 4th time) that the card was indeed perfectly valid, and they grudgingly, and very slowly, processed the payment manually, whining all the time. More than 45 minutes to set them straight. Would YOU want to have that experience? If you would, go ahead and patronize this dive.
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Public - 2 years ago
reviewed 2 years ago