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Tim Johnson
Attends School of Hard Knocks
Lives in Santa Clara, CA
8,743 followers|23,795,847 views
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This one's for the comedy nerds:

+Netflix keeps coming out with more good stand-up specials.  I'm kind of surprised it hasn't gotten more attention for it.  Here's the list as far as I can tell of not all of the stand-up performances licensed on Netflix, but just the ones actually distributed by Netflix:

Aziz Ansari (2)
Bill Burr (2)
Brian Posehn
Chelsea Peretti
Chris D'Elia (upcoming)
Craig Ferguson
Doug Benson
Doug Stanhope
Iliza Shlesinger
Jen Kirkman (upcoming)
Jim Jeffries
John Hodgman
Marc Maron
Mike Birbiglia
Moshe Kasher
Nick Offerman
Ralphie May
Rob Schneider
Trailer Park Boys (2)
Wyatt Cenac

Also, not distributed by +Netflix but available as a download from +Comedy Central's http://comedydirect.com site are a bunch of recent specials, but the biggest pleasant surprise to me was how much I enjoyed +David Spade's new special.  I guess I shouldn't be that surprised; I've always thought he was funny, I just didn't really think of stand-up when I thought of him.

#comedynerds  
Buy uncensored and uncut stand-up specials with unlimited streams and downloads from Comedy Central Direct. No subscription needed. Just browse, buy and watch on your phone, tablet, and computer.
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Tim Johnson

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Just an old dirty toy I found hanging off of a fence the other day.  Unfortunately I didn't have my real camera.

#weather  
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Tim Johnson

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#luuy  
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...marginally more honest than "bike lane closed ahead"?
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Tim Johnson

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Listen to me carefully, everyone:

Don't bring unexploded ordnance you found to the police station, and don't bring dead bodies to your lawyer's office.

A phone call will do.

#psa   #floriduh  
A Florida man who confessed to shooting and killing his neighbor after an alleged struggle brought the dead man's body to his lawyer's office in his pickup truck Wednesday. According to the Fort Myers News-Press, the man "didn't know who else to trust."
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A weasel riding a woodpecker...

No, seriously:

http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20150303-weasel-riding-woodpecker

Best thing I've seen in years!
An amazing photo of a battle between predator and prey has gone viral. We think one of you must have an even better shot
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Tim Johnson

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Those other companies?  They hate us 'cause they anus!
 
Google tops Fortune list of best companies to work for 6th year in a row http://cir.ca/s/hhHB 
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And before that, we weren't eligible since we were still too new. Not bad. 
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Tim Johnson

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#yourmom  
As a thin, conventionally attractive woman, there’s no denying that society affords me privileges that aren’t extended to everyone. I’ve always been aware of this to some extent, but I’ve never truly grasped just how difficult life can be for people who don’t have the looks or body type our cultu...
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Well, at least they were committed to the joke, good for them, nice effort.
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There are some really amazing pictures in here.

#missingbindles  
In 2003, Mike Brodie, aged 18, left home to hop freight trains across the USA. Freight-hopping - a form of travel that is equal parts illegal and romantic - is thought of by most to be a dead means of transport that belonged exclusively to the early part of the 20th century.
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#yolo  
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Holy crap.  I knew Patraeus shared classified information with his mistress, but I had no idea the extent of it.  He deliberately hid 8 notebooks full of his personal notes in his home and provided them to her:

All eight books “collectively contained classified information regarding the identifies of covert officers, war strategy, intelligence capabilities and mechanisms, diplomatic discussions, quotes and deliberative discussions from high-level National Security Council meetings… and discussions with the president of the United States.”

The books also contained “national defense information, including top secret/SCI and code word information,” according to the court papers. In other words: These weren’t just ordinary secrets. This was highly, highly classified material.

#tinylapseinjudgement  
The one-time CIA director didn’t just disclose secrets to his mistress. He shared with her some of the most sensitive information the Pentagon has.
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Makes you wonder just how much is shared for money with large corporations and the military industry complex? 
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Wow.  Some real contenders for worst person in the world in there.

via +Mud hooks 
 
“Someone needs to take her out!!!”
Former congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords is returning to Capitol Hill on Wednesday to help kick-start a campaign to expand criminal background checks to all commercial firearms sales, a move which is expected to be fought by Republicans in the House and Senate, as well as National Rifle ...
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I saw this Citroén in the parking lot this morning as I was getting a cup of coffee, and I had to get a picture.  I'm not a big car guy, but this is definitely something you don't see every day.

#photosbytojo  
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I wonder if the Citroen is a Lemon.
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Education
  • School of Hard Knocks
    Trial by Fire, present
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
Santa Clara, CA
Previously
Novato, CA - San Jose, Costa Rica - Cerrillos, Salta, Argentina - Gilroy, CA
I can't believe I've never eaten here! Granted, I'm no Korean food snob, but I loved it. I ordered the #55. To start off they gave me seven small dishes of appetizers. There were cold glass noodles with a slightly tangy taste, rice noodles with a savory sauce, kimchi, turnip? in a red spicy sauce, potatoes, carrots, and onions with a savory flavor, something that looked like noodles made of tofu at first, but were made of fish cakes and were amazing, and one other thing I'm forgetting. Then there was the main course. First miso soup (which was not too salty, which was nice) and rice, then on a sizzling platter a heaping mound of Korean BBQ beeef with a sweet and savory marinade on top of a bed of raw onions and mushrooms that crackled and sizzled between the meat and the hot plate and ended up getting cooked in the juices. The rice was just the right amount of stickiness so that I could eat it as a palate cleanser between bites using just the chopsticks and without picking up the bowl. I've seen some people ding them on the service, but I had great service when I went.
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Public - 4 months ago
reviewed 4 months ago
You know, Barstow may not be much to look at, and this motel isn't the spring chicken it once was, but this bed is clean and comfortable, the room smells nice, and most importantly out here, this air conditioner kicks ass. Even the Wi-Fi is decent. If I ever need to stop in Barstow again on my way across the desert I'll definitely come back.
Public - 7 months ago
reviewed 7 months ago
A place like Starving Musician isn't going to have the same polished showroom look as Guitar Center, but they have a decent selection, the workers are all local musicians, and they know what they're talking about. The owner has been running the place as long as I've been visiting. They buy and sell used equipment. They won't BS you on the value of your goods for sale, and their prices are competitive with anyone in the area. The new location has a much nicer layout, and they do repairs as well as sales. If you're looking to buy or sell I recommend stopping by The Starving Musician first, even if they do have a history of discriminating against accordion players.
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Public - a year ago
reviewed a year ago
5 reviews
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These guys are great. Very professional, but they also take the time to really get to know you and what you need. They can handle anything from a deep cleaning to clearing out a hoarding situation, and if there's anything else you need help with, like picking up supplies, they can probably do it. It's like having your own cleaning concierge. They helped me clear out years of computer clutter, books, and other things I'd accumulated over the years. I'd recommend them to anyone.
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Public - 9 months ago
reviewed 9 months ago