For a while I was doing a periodic post giving you, my humble Reader, a selection of Steven Kaas's best tweets from the previous year. Then Mr. Kaas went and ruined it all by stopping to tweet in 2012.
But have no fear! Steven Kaas's sense of humor was re-animated and is now alive and well on Catharine G. Evans's twitter feed. I thus present to you Ms. Evans's best tweets of 2013:
* I once met a man from Nantucket.
"A variable is a bucket.
take the log and you're done."
Turns out that he was from NaNtucket.
* Art for art's sake, but art's sake for lots of money.
* Eat buildings. Not too many. Mostly power plants.
* While it's not easy to capture the essence of the number 385571, perhaps you'll get a rough idea if I describe it as "385570 meets 385572".
* Occam's razor: Information wants to be wee.
* A man walks into a bar. He asks the owner, "How did you gain this bar?" The owner responds, "By bargaining."
* The real vandalism isn't what I did to that Wikipedia page. The real vandalism is you people standing by while the world needs updating.
* 2nd Law of Thermodynamics: a thermodynamic must obey orders given to it by human beings except where such orders conflict with the 1st Law.
* "Nice there you have there. Be a shame if there were no there there." —Gertrude Stein delivering a threat
* Ironically, Frank Zappa is now better known for his music than his ingenious deployment of raygun technology against the Carolingian Empire.
* That awkward moment when you kneel behind Zod.
* The Pareto diet: you can eat anything, as long as it's at least as good as the previous thing you ate in every possible way.
* OKCupid - Interactions (1) - Someone had sex you were mentioned in.
* Oh, so when Philip Glass repeats a simple structure everywhere, it's "art", but when my robots do, suddenly it's an "existential disaster"?!
* Aeronautical engineering is the art of making things up.
* Dogs throwing pennies at passers-by from the Empire State Building, shouting, "ARE YOU ROBUST IN THE FACE OF ACCELERATING CHANGE?"
* There but for the continued integrity of the dimensional sentinels that guard against coercive life-swap teleportation attacks go I.
* I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of reckless genetic experiments I've performed on myself. I mean, I can now.
* When they ask you to repeat a thing in "English", they really mean the consensus early 21st century conceptual apparatus. Don't fall for it!
* If God recreates the world anew each moment, all jokes are too soon.
* Ask your metaethicist if right is for you.
* Why do we park on the driveway but stand idly by while the progeny of revolting insectile nightmares threatens to consume the Milky Way?
* I believe church steeples should be built horizontally, not vertically, because it's rude to point at God.
* 4, 5, 8, worm shaped like a 5, epsilon, disembodied voice shouting "infinity"... I should never have run this random pseudonumber generator.
* Does the process in your brain that is speaking these words have a process supervising it? May I speak to that process?
* I wish to subscribe to whatever newsletter you're smoking.
* You know when you're dreaming and bizarre stuff goes on but you're like "la la la this is perfectly normal"? THAT'S YOU IN WAKING LIFE TOO.
* You are moved by all these things that seem pointless to me. The parsimonious explanation is you are moved by pointlessness-to-me itself.
* Do you really need to take pictures of every single thing you're planning to eat and post them on the internet, Google Street View cars?
* I only care about events occurring in universes where I'm right about everything. So for all practical purposes, I'm right about everything.
* One way to have a large vocabulary is to have low standards regarding what countstitutes as a real word.
* Scotty first tries out the transporter.
Kirk: "Now you're just a copy. The original is dead!"
Spock: "That's a No True Scotsman fallacy."
* The "H" in "Jesus H. Christ" stands for "Help, I'm trapped in a messiah factory".
* Stare into the abyss like nobody's watching.
* Conservative wizards standing athwart history yelling "YOU SHALL NOT PASS". Conservative rappers athwart history yelling "STOP, HAMMERTIME".
* What has four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three at night? (Not a riddle—trying to identify the slimy thing staring in my window.)
* As Shakespeare once put it, "[the complete works of William Shakespeare]"
* Has anyone hacked QM's measure allocation algorithm so as to come about in all worlds? You'd expect them to pick some name like "Max Born".
* You might be a redneck if you're behind the veil of ignorance.
* And on the pedestal these words appear: "I am Ozymandias, king of kings: you know, like in the poem? Oh, come on."