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The Onion

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"Usually it’s the lions you don’t kill that you end up regretting."

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Cecil the lion, a popular Zimbabwe tourist attraction, was killed this week by Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer during a lion hunt he allegedly spent upwards of $50,000 to join, though Palmer has said he regrets his role in the incident and didn’t realize Cecil was a famous lion when he killed him. What do you think?
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Tanya B's profile photoD Lamar Sobotor's profile photo˙ɯ ɥsɐʎ's profile photoAaron Miles's profile photo
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Well he regrets the getting caught part for sure. Cut this loser some slack Jack. It's no worse than changing lines at the bank. Deal with it.
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The Onion

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LOS ANGELES—Angrily stating that he had been “completely ripped off,” Hollywood actor Matt Damon expressed outrage Wednesday after receiving a set of extremely poor-quality headshots from a man who had charged him $500 and guaranteed professional-looking results.
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What it this a sequel to Rounders?
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OCEAN BEACH, NY—Moments after being called to the dining room table and briefed on a lengthy set of rules, local woman Shayla Meyer reported Tuesday that her relationship with Matt Brickell had apparently reached the point where she had to learn his family’s weird card games.
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Its such much easier to become a lezbo and learn power tool safety.
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URBANDALE, IA—Saying it was important that the candidate have a distinctive, relatable look, campaign consultant Brian Sims reportedly presented Republican presidential hopeful Scott Walker with several possible human sides to choose from Wednesday.
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D Lamar Sobotor's profile photoJoel Greene's profile photoKj Lyn's profile photoAntipope Vindictive III -BadZombie-'s profile photo
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Sadly he rejected them all. One odd duck, but that is an oxymoron.
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"Just more fuel for the infamous Boston–Los Angeles rivalry."

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After months of failing to gain public support among taxpayers who fear they will foot the bill for the event, bidding group Boston 2024 ended its initiative to bring the Olympic Games to Boston, with many speculating that Los Angeles will soon mount its own bid to host. What do you think?
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Boston announced this week it will pull its bid for the 2024 Olympics, due in part to the huge costs associated with the games that could become a taxpayer burden. Here is a breakdown of what the Olympics cost their host cities
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Mt Gth
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Michael Phelps is an Olympic sports hero. And he is proof that when we work hard we can and should have the privilege of being able to play hard.
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Have them in circles
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The Onion

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WASHINGTON—Taking slow, labored breaths while clutching his distended abdomen, a bloated President Obama delivered a press conference Wednesday while seated on a couch several feet behind the podium in the White House briefing room.
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Fowler Bruce's profile photo˙ɯ ɥsɐʎ's profile photoMike Edwards's profile photoEvan Black's profile photo
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He is as lazy as mess right there +The Onion 
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RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.
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Is this a joke a somehow of Galatasaray fans?
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Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids
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˙ɯ ɥsɐʎ's profile photoPhillip Anderson's profile photoArlette Rosa's profile photoRay Moore III's profile photo
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We use the Joe Dirt method. Works like a charm.
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“At last, the darkest chapter in NFL history has come to a close.”

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Following a controversy during the 2014-15 NFL playoffs in which the New England Patriots were accused of deflating footballs to make them easier for quarterback Tom Brady to throw, the NFL has debuted new rules pertaining to the quantity, air pressure, inspection, labeling, and monitoring of game-day balls. What do you think?
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Jon Belanger's profile photoD Lamar Sobotor's profile photoJohn Bouvier's profile photo˙ɯ ɥsɐʎ's profile photo
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Asking Vince MacMahon for a ruling is not Rodget Goddells best effort methinks. Well maybe it is.
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+Lithium Poet I thought of that too!
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SAN JOSE, CA—Noting how lucky she was to have finally found the one she was meant to be with forever, local woman Julie Winters told reporters Tuesday she was relieved that her true soulmate also happened to have the same socioeconomic status as she does.
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Who knew trashmen rake in that type of cash ? Strong union, weak local government methinks
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Have them in circles
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