When I did have my career, I worked 8 straight years, 7 days a week,10-24 hour days. I missed my two primary decades- 20s and 30s- and now am too old to date, or ever have a wife and family. I am not attracted to women my age, and society has conditioned younger women to be disgusted by older men (unless rich). I've now been alone 18 years. I will be alone for life. Due to not having kids and passing on my DNA and morals to them, I have failed life as I view it. When I die, I will be instantly forgotten by the world and never impacted it.
So I've been called having a victim mentality before. What exactly can come from "enlightenment"? How can thought improve what can't change? I can't think society to be different than how it functions, and I can never return to the working circus that so many comply with. What "ah-ha!" moment can I have? Sounds to me like suicide would be the only logical conclusion, but I wouldn't do that. I can always waste the days away playing computer games, far better than not existing!
The first is food. I can not spend the time "cooking" (and/or all associated tasks- preparing, cleaning up, etc.) The foods to avoid shown are meals- like, pasta or fast food, etc. The good things to eat are ingredients, not meals. They are also more perishable, for instance, I can't eat a banana or bread, or drink milk after two days. I subsequently can't go to the store every two days. Therefore, I can't figure out how to eat and default to bad food (mostly fast food once a day, then a pre-packaged salad or pasta-type TV dinner later). Don't know how to eat healthy without wasting two hours a day on "cooking" tasks.
Second issue is relationships. I have been alone 17 years, and can I'm too old to date now (since I am attracted to women ~15 years younger than me, and society has programmed women to find that age gap repulsive). Still, I could have friends but I don't know how. I can't go places or "hang out" like people do. I don't like outdoor activities, and I don't "party". Sitting around talking is one of the most boring things ever. I'm a gamer, but most people my age (43) are not interested, so I have nothing to do with them. Even still, I go to Starbucks daily, and have for ten years- no one has ever introduced themselves and made friends in all that time. Because I'm older, I'm invisible. I can never change my age, so I get stuck on that massively. I am NOT my age. I view myself as like 27, not 43.
Last issue I get stuck on is the last point made about taking thoughts off of the feeling that you are controlled by life. I get the examples to not think of, but since I truly believe society does control things, I don't understand what I could think of that makes me feel like I have control- I never feel that way. Everything I need to operate as I would like ideally is not allowed by society. There are too many demands- deadlines, contracts, bills, clothes, etc., that are the same in all settings. I agree it's about certainty- my issue is a have to know I can meet those demands, and since I can't be certain I can, I can't function. So, I don't know how to feel in control- I don't believe I am, ever.
Enjoy the difference, and have fun with it. Anyone who may be offended is conservative, and conservatives aren't worth your time anyways- their job is to hate anything that doesn't fit in the 1800s. Just ignore 'em! Also: Purple rocks.
Such a sad story, when you actually think.
Love the game, regret wasting my money.
- Michigan State UniversityTelecommunications, 1994
- Holt High SchoolHonors College Prep, 1990 - 1994
- Starbucks as a Professional CustomerCustomer Supreme, present
- SPX CorporationMultimedia Developer, 2000 - 2002
- SphereMultimedia Developer, 1999 - 2000
- Click2Learn (nee Asymetrix)Multimedia Developer, 1998 - 1999
- Adams Consulting GroupVirtual Reality Developer, 1995 - 1998
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